Online dating is a relatively new monster for all of us – but if you’re not young enough to have grown up with technology it’s probably even more of a daunting thought.
Not only have you got the expected stresses related to trying to find a decent match, but you’ve also got to figure out how to use the darned dating app in the first place. It’s a nightmare.
As if dating wasn’t tricky enough as it was, there are subscription fees and right-swipes and inboxes and all that other stuff to figure out.
However, using an online dating app or website definitely gets easier with practice.
And once you’ve mastered the technical side of things, you can put all your focus and attention into the dating side.
Stay tuned for the top dos and don’ts for dating over the age of 40.
1. DO be direct
Telling the truth – and telling it as fast as you can – will save you a lot of time. You probably know exactly what you do and you don’t want in a partner, so don’t be afraid to be direct when engaging with men online. You don’t want to waste your time on somebody that you’re not interested in, and nor do you want to waste that person’s time, either.
2. DO remember that it’s an adventure
Just like any adventure, you don’t really know what’s going to happen in the online dating world. That’s part of the fun of adventures, though. You don’t really know what will happen, and anything’s possible.
3. DO have an open mind
It’s so hard to have an open mind in the dating game because our ego minds are notorious for rigid thinking. Our minds think they know exactly what “should be”, but the truth is, we don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s important to surrender to the processes that unfold, rather than allowing our minds to trip us up.
4. DO prepare to experience redirection
You might not have a spark with somebody, or they may not be into you while you’re into them. It’s much better to be honest, however, than to continue with something that one or both of you aren’t into. Rather than a rejection, try to see this as an opportunity for redirection.
5. DON’T lie
It’s just not worth it. If you want to tell a man that you’d be happy to share a certain piece of information when you know them better, that’s okay. But don’t lie, because you’ll always get found out in the end.
6. DON’T talk about your ex
Yes, talking about your ex is juicy, and it’s easy to commiserate with your date over your pasts. But talking about your ex sends a really mixed message. Make sure you’ve moved on emotionally before you start online dating.
7. DON’T attach to an outcome
It’s so hard to do, because you get excited when you meet somebody. He checks all your boxes, you have a great rapport, and you feel like he’s “the one”. But as soon as you start to feel that way, you’ll start to focus on how it “should” be, and when it doesn’t turn out like this, you can get very disappointed – even depressed.
8. DON’T delete your profile
We’ve all wanted to press “delete” on occasions, but the act of deleting your profile comes from a part of you that has been really triggered. Maybe you have approval issues, or you’re scared of getting hurt again. While this is totally understandable, you’ll benefit the same way from simply hiding your profile and taking a week or two off from your online dating game. This will help you to manage your triggers better.
9. DON’T argue with your thumbs
Getting into a messaging war with someone on an online dating app is a complete waste of time – you don’t want yourself to get dragged into that negativity. There’s no “winning” in this situation. The ego mind likes to be right; it likes to have the last word. But getting into arguments will only send you into a negative spiral.
10. DO have fun
Online dating might seem daunting, but it can be so fun and rewarding You can meet different types of men, spread your wings, and become more confident through trial and error. Don’t be afraid of getting it wrong! Life is short; have fun and don’t take yourself too seriously. You’ll attract more men simply by letting go and letting your confidence shine through.
You can find the full list of dos and don’ts for online dating in the video by dating expert Jaki Sabourin below – and remember, don’t give up until you get what you want!
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