Have you ever experienced the contemptible feeling of being “had” by an advertisement? Don’t get too down on yourself. You aren’t alone.
Every day, people fall prey to the dishonest techniques marketers use to get you to buy their product.
Below are some examples of the lowest of low schmuck-marketing techniques that will either make you laugh or livid.
1. Deceptive Wording
READ THE FINE-PRINT! Rather than actually reducing the amount of sugar in a serving, they just reduced the portion size altogether!
Not only do you still buy the product, the company profits two-fold by charging more money for less product.
2. Implied Convenience
If you’ve been in a grocery store, you’ve seen these B.S. smoothie “mixes” before.
All you have to add are all of the ingredients, purchased separately of course! These should really be called smoothie flavor-packets.
3. Optical Illusion Marketing
Really? This is just freaking heartless. How could anyone lie about free beer?!
4. Bold-faced Lies!!!
This marketer just decided to roll with the “I’m gonna unabashedly lie to your face” technique.
Batteries included! Just kidding!
5. Downright Trickery!
If you think you’re not going to swipe to that ad, think again!
By including fake strands of hair or dirt specks in the image, marketers will get even the most internet-savvy readers to swipe their screens.
6. Play on words…
They didn’t really lie to us. There is definitely triple pepperoni, just not in layers like we expected. Shame on us for assuming.
7. Using your pattern recognition against you…
Everyone knows that green means “GO”! These software companies have learned to use these color/action associations to trick you into keeping their product installed on your computer.
A frustratingly clever technique that will make you boycott their company entirely.
8. Conflicting statements
An unlimited amount of time now equates to 35 minutes, in case you didn’t get the memo.
Hopefully, you don’t have more than one load of laundry to do.
9. Misleading titles
These guys took the idea of “it’s all in the name” and ran with it! You didn’t really need the extra 370 wattages anyway, right?
I mean, why would you ever buy something based on what it’s claimed to do? (*sarcasm*)
10. False claims in the title
Really, guys! Couldn’t you just put the two servings together to give your brand-name credibility? We think that would be a lot less confusing than making sure to take our one-a-day twice-a-day.
11. Faking good ratings
This one’s clever. Just include five stars in your developer name. It will appear to the scrolling eye as though it were actually rated with five stars, implying that it’s highly-ranked.
12. Fake-out using graphs
This is more common than you’d think. Marketers frequently misrepresent scale to skew data.
This makes you think their product is statistically better than it is, or in this case, make you think your credit is worse than it really is.
13. Ads disguised as warnings
This is just straight-up sheisty! Some apps will have a lock-screen overwrite feature allowing ads designed to look like virus warnings to flash across your screen.
The innovators of this shifty feature are truly a**holes!
14. Implied “sale”
If it looks like a sale or implies it’s a sale, there is still a good chance it’s a scam!
Using words like “now such and such price” implies that there’s a discount on the item worth noting. A penny off, however, is a joke!
15. Confusing action requirements
This is absolutely infuriating! Instead of unchecking what you don’t want notifications on, you have to stay checked in order to unsubscribe.
While technically they made it easier to unsubscribe, their aim is clearly to trick us into doing just the opposite!
16. Blurring the view
This is truly Schmucktastic! Incorporating reasonable costs for junk-food would be pretty awesome, right?
Instead, this movie theater decided it would be best if you couldn’t read their prices, at all.
17. False “Out of stock” advertising
Real classy. This marketer makes you think the item is so hot, they’re selling out.
While you’re in a rush to get it in the cart, you barely have time to notice the capacity difference!
18. Fake out
This is one jerk-move that takes the cake! Be prepared to suffer at least mild palpitations as you wonder how your credit information got stolen.
In reality, it’s just an attempt to grab your attention long enough to entice you into buying discount plane tickets. sheer Schmuckery folks!
19. Implied Volume
I wonder how much markup goes into all that wasted plastic.
Marketers think they can trick you by visually implying the container has more deodorant than it does. SCHMUCKS!
20. Invisible “Full Disclosure”
This is just low! The dark print is barely visible as it is, but it’s absolutely impossible to see the dark lettering from any kind of angle.
Like the angle from eye-level to top-shelf at the grocery store!
21. Bogus Packaging
I would definitely be taking a trip back to the store for this one! This is just an outright scam.
These schmucks just proved that often times, you DON’T get what you pay for…
22. Hidden Terms
While you’d expect hidden terms in say, a service contract like cell phones or cable, you don’t expect them in places like a parking garage. A sign is supposed to be straightforward.
So it’s extra Schmucky to make drivers read the “fine print” while searching for parking and trying to avoid a wreck!
23. False Advertisement
This scam fits the false advertisement bill for obvious reasons. You gotta give it to the guy though!
He may get an “F” for honesty, but he definitely gets an “A” for effort!
24. Up-Talking
This is a scheme as old as marketing itself. Also known as selling something for more than it’s worth, this technique will take all the negatives and try to sell them as positives.
Just get comfortable telling these marketers to piss-off!
25. Strategic Packaging
The ultimate Schmuckery is when marketers toy with your kid’s emotions. Using clever packaging to make it appear like you’re getting a lot of bang for your buck when you’re really just getting ripped off!
These are just a few examples of Schmuck-marketing people encounter on a daily basis!
The takeaway? Bring a calculator when you go shopping, and pay attention to the details!
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