Any happy couple will tell you it’s the little things that count.
Saying “I love you” every day, making coffee for your caffeine-obsessed partner in the morning, really listening when they vent about their work drama, or maybe bringing home a little treat because you were thinking about them; these are all things that go a long way.
And they seem like easy things to do, but sometimes we can find ourselves in toxic relationships where those “little things” are few and far between.
“One time, I spent 3 hours cooking an extravagant meal for a man only to be told, ‘I don’t really like that. I think I want Wendy’s tonight.'” – Abbey Elizabeth Boone
That kind of ungrateful behavior can easily make someone feel like they’re not good enough, and intentionally puts them down.
Relationships like that aren’t good for your mental health because you are good enough, and you deserve better.
Abbey Elizabeth Boone, a makeup artist in Petal, Mississippi, came to realize this after a string of unhealthy relationships before finding the right partner.
She shared her past experiences and compared them to what she has now – proving that the little things do go a long way to making someone feel loved and appreciated.
For example, instead of being told “I think I want Wendy’s tonight” after preparing a special meal, her current boyfriend said a simple “thank you for cooking” when she baked some quick frozen chicken strips.
It seems trivial, but it stuck with her and made her feel appreciated.
“One time, I spent my entire paycheck on a man’s Christmas present and got nothing in return. Now, my boyfriend surprises me with things randomly, just because.”
And it’s not about receiving expensive gifts, it’s simply about the thought behind it.
Having a partner who wants to see you happy is so important.
And if they know little surprises will do that (who doesn’t love a surprise gift!?) then it’s an easy way to let you know they care.
“Now I know I’d much rather it be with the man I just spent 10 minutes trying to nail in the head with a cheese-it because he hit me with one when I wasn’t looking.”
Relationships are meant to be fun! You deserve someone who is going to enrich your life, not bring you down.
And if running around the house throwing cheese doesn’t make the two of you crack up together – it’s probably time to reconsider.
You never have to settle for less.
There are billions of people in the world, and just like friendships, there are people out there who will love you for who you are, and who you can love back.
Nothing has to be forever, and you should walk away if your partner is bringing you down.
Research shows that the average person has at least five relationships before finding “the one”, but of course those numbers can vary tremendously in both directions. Everyone is different!
I have friends who are happily married to their high school sweethearts, and friends who are going on their 20th Bumble date.
Abbey had some important advice from what she learned the hard way through her own dating experience:
“If you have a weird feeling about it…
You’re not stuck.
You’re not too picky.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not just over reacting.”
She’s now with someone who she can laugh and cry with, who makes her feel valued, and who she can love and trust with a full heart.
“It’s never too late to find someone who appreciates you and who you can appreciate back. (Because that’s important, too!)”
It’s worth the wait to find the perfect person – and learning to love yourself is an important first step.
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