People on the internet are taking advice on love from a 25-year-old. Taylor Myers, from Dayton Ohio who likes to write poetry, took a class on “Relationships for Life” when she was 17.
Now people are praising her for something she recalled from her class on her Tumblr page.
Actually, more than 1.4 million reacted to her post. Taylor’s biggest fear isn’t not living up to her potential or not making a difference in the world or living a life that isn’t true to her. Her biggest fear is having someone fall out of love with her.
Taylor’s biggest fear is the fact that someone who once loved her could eventually consider her to be “ugly.”
Taylor explains what she learned as the biggest reason so many relationships fail.
Taylor’s explanation is that once the lovey-dovey phase is over, lovers begin to see each other for who they really are and eventually don’t like what they see.
“A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals. But how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it,” Taylor explains.
Taylor’s explanation seems to come from a place of fear and insecurity but clearly resonates with people because it’s her most popular “poem.”
“That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain,” she writes. “Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.”
Basically, at the beginning of their relationship, people make the crucial mistake of idealizing their lover.
That’s how they look past the bad habits and feet on the dashboard.
They fail to realize that humans are inherently imperfect and that unconditional love requires one to love their counterpart warts and all.
When you idealize, you’re not loving unconditionally. You’re making that person out to be your idealistic version of a lover which doesn’t actually exist in the partner you chose.
Yes, people grow and change as they mature and so do people’s priorities but if you’ve made that commitment for the long haul, you should have been over the whole foot on the dash a long time ago.
Your goal in life shouldn’t be to conform to someone’s idealization of you. Sometimes people just change and grow apart and that’s not a bad thing. Being in different relationships teaches you things and helps you to grow. And it’s often a two-way street rather than one person’s shortcomings that makes a relationship fail.
Breakups are actually pretty normal and can teach you a lot about yourself.
Taylor admits that she was “extremely bitter and sad” when she wrote her “poem.”
But experts say that very little is actually known about why relationships fail.
“We know a lot more about the relationships that worked out than the ones that didn’t,” Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist from Standford whose been studying relationships since 2009, told Washington Post. “The way the census and other surveys tend to collect data just doesn’t produce a very good picture. People also don’t recall failed relationships too well.”
His study found that marriage is a strong binder in relationships and straight and gay married couples are far less likely to separate their non-married counterparts.
Professor, coach, and trainer Preston Ni, author of “How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People” and “Communication Success with Four Personality Types” found that there are 10 reasons why romantic relationships fail.
- Trust Issues
- Different Expectations -(Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now, Differences in Priorities)
- Moving Through Life at Different Speeds
- Compatibility Issues
- Communication Issues
- Narcissism
- Relational Abuse
- Life Habit Abuse
- Grown Apart, Boredom, Staleness, Rut
- Money Issues
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