Who says “me time” isn’t a Thanksgiving tradition? Casually wander off with the confidence of someone who absolutely needed to check on…something, somewhere. Maybe it’s your phone, maybe it’s a suspicious noise, or maybe you’re just bravely taking one for the team by “looking for the gravy boat.” Pro tip: bring a snack—15 minutes feels longer when you’re hungry, and no one ever suspects the person holding pie.

Nothing says “I’m totally not avoiding you” like a brisk, contemplative Thanksgiving walk. Fresh air, burning calories, and—most importantly—distance from the “So, how’s work?” inquisition. Just announce you’re taking a “mindful stroll” to digest, and no one will dare challenge your wellness journey. If someone insists on joining, pick a pace that’s juuuust fast enough to leave them gasping for breath.

Ah, the dog—the perfect scapegoat for any family gathering. Announce with great solemnity, “I think the dog needs to eat” or “time for a potty break,” and you’re instantly a hero. Plus, you get bonus points for looking responsible while really just enjoying a guilt-free escape. And if anyone questions why it’s taking so long, simply shrug and say, “You know how picky they get about sniffing the right spot.”

Setting or clearing the table: the classic move of someone who looks helpful but is really just dodging the deep-fried dysfunction at the dining room. Who’s going to accuse you of avoiding the family when you’re armed with plates and an air of noble self-sacrifice? Plus, it’s a great way to stay busy while pretending you didn’t hear your cousin’s third rant about crypto. Just don’t work too fast—this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Who could argue with tending to a majestic, slightly judgmental feline who clearly has emotional needs? Announce, with appropriate gravitas, “The cat requires me,” and gracefully excuse yourself to your furry sanctuary. Cats are the perfect excuse—they’re mysterious, aloof, and unlikely to share your secrets about hiding from Aunt Karen. Plus, spending time with a cat gives you the perfect blend of zen and plausible deniability.

Ah, the selfless hero volunteering for a last-minute “emergency” store run—how could anyone suspect ulterior motives? Whether it’s cranberry sauce, a bottle of wine, or that lifesaving caffeine fix, the beauty of this move is the guaranteed alone time it offers. Make sure to mutter something like, “Don’t worry, I’ll brave the crowds,” for maximum martyr points. And if the store happens to be crowded, well, who’s to say how long it might take to return?

Running errands is the ultimate excuse to take your sweet, sweet time—after all, who’s going to question the complexities of Thanksgiving logistics? “The traffic was insane!” you’ll exclaim, even if the roads were emptier than your will to debate politics. Be sure to come back with just enough effort to look like you were trying—maybe one extra item or an out-of-the-way stop. And if anyone asks why it took so long to pick up napkins, simply shake your head and mutter, “You wouldn’t believe it.”

Nothing says “strategic avoidance” like an extended morning routine, especially when you frame it as “just trying to look presentable for everyone.” Take your time—pick out the perfect outfit, meticulously fix your hair, and maybe even experiment with a bold new eyeliner. No one can fault you for being late to the pre-dinner chaos when you’re radiating polished perfection. And if someone complains? Flash them a dazzling smile and say, “I did it for the family photos!”

Why argue when you can sip your way to serenity? Quietly nursing a strong cocktail or a well-poured glass of wine ensures you’re both present and blissfully indifferent to Uncle Bob’s latest conspiracy theories. The key is subtlety—keep your refills stealthy, and you’ll fly under the radar as just “relaxed” enough. Bonus: by the time dessert rolls around, you’ll either find everyone hilarious or have the perfect excuse for an early nap.

When all else fails, a “mystery illness” is the ultimate get-out-of-family-drama-free card. A well-timed headache or sudden “I think I ate something weird” moment can buy you hours of solitude without raising eyebrows. Just don’t overdo it—no one believes you caught the flu halfway through the mashed potatoes. And if someone offers unsolicited advice, just groan dramatically and mumble, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me…” before retreating to your sanctuary.

Ah, the noble garbage run—a chore so mundane it’s practically invisible, yet perfect for a quick escape. Announce, “I’ll get the trash,” with the conviction of someone who just volunteered for jury duty. Once outside, take a deep breath of freedom (and hopefully not the garbage). If anyone questions why it took 20 minutes, just shrug and say, “The bin was overflowing—had to wrestle it all in.”

Blame it on the weather—a timeless excuse for a graceful, guilt-free exit. “Looks like the storm’s rolling in, better hit the road before it gets bad,” you say, with the gravitas of a seasoned meteorologist. Even if it’s sunny and 72°F, throw in some vague mention of “black ice” or “holiday traffic.” After all, safety first, right? Bonus: you look responsible while avoiding round two of your cousin’s long-winded gluten-free tirade.

The kids’ table: a sanctuary of crayons, chaos, and complete freedom from adult expectations. Casually slide into a pint-sized chair and say, “I’m here to supervise,” while secretly relishing the drama-free vibe. The beauty? No one at this table cares about your job, your relationship status, or your take on politics—they just want to know if you can pass the rolls. Plus, you’ll finally learn who’s winning in the world of Pokémon.

Cozying up with a drowsy grandparent is the ultimate low-effort escape. They’re sweet, warm, and usually half-asleep, making it the perfect place to “bond” while conveniently dodging family debates. Plus, their occasional snores provide a soothing soundtrack to your much-needed respite. If anyone asks why you’ve been gone so long, just say, “Grandma needed me,” and bask in the glow of unearned nobility.

Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse to channel your inner hibernating bear. After all, who’s going to argue with a little “extra rest” to prepare for the big day? By the time you finally emerge—refreshed and conveniently missing the most stressful prep—everyone will be too busy to notice. And if they do? Just yawn and say, “I wanted to be at my best for the family!” before wandering toward the coffee pot.

Nothing clears a room faster than uttering the words “I have some work to catch up on.” Everyone will nod solemnly, respecting your dedication, while secretly thanking the holiday gods it’s not them. Set up a laptop, tap furiously for show, and occasionally sigh like you’re tackling the world’s toughest spreadsheet. Pro tip: keep an empty email window open just in case anyone peeks—bonus points for a subject line that reads, “Q4 Deliverables.”

The bathroom: a time-honored refuge for anyone avoiding family chaos. Just excuse yourself with a polite, “Be right back,” and savor those quiet, porcelain moments of solitude. Repeat as needed—after all, no one’s going to question digestive distress when faced with a Thanksgiving feast. And if someone does raise an eyebrow, just sigh dramatically and mutter, “I think I overdid it on the stuffing.”

Jet lag is the perfect excuse for looking tired, skipping small talk, or sneaking off for a nap. Just mention your “crazy travel schedule” and how your “body clock is all over the place,” and watch the sympathy roll in. Bonus: no one can prove how far you’ve actually traveled—whether it was across the country or just two towns over. And if anyone insists you look fine, simply yawn theatrically and mumble, “It’s the adrenaline keeping me upright.”

Volunteering to do the dishes is the ultimate camouflage for avoiding family drama. Armed with suds and a sponge, you look like a Thanksgiving MVP while conveniently dodging “heated discussions” in the living room. Take your time scrubbing every plate like it’s a work of art—your dedication will be praised, not questioned. And if anyone offers to help, just say, “I’ve got this, you relax,” while secretly relishing the sweet sound of silence.

Arriving fashionably late to every Thanksgiving activity is a subtle yet effective way to dodge the chaos. Blame traffic, an extended nap, or an overly complicated side dish recipe—anything that sounds plausible but doesn’t make you look like a flake. By the time you stroll in, the tension has simmered down (or erupted without you), and you’re free to make a low-key entrance. Just smile, apologize charmingly, and say, “What did I miss?” knowing full well you’re better off not knowing.

Nothing says “expert escape artist” like the classic fake phone call maneuver. Casually glance at your phone, widen your eyes, and announce, “I’ve got to take this!” before stepping out with faux urgency. Bonus points if you mime frustration during the “conversation” to look extra busy—nodding and saying things like, “Let me check on that for you” is a nice touch. Just don’t get caught answering a call from your alarm app—it’s hard to explain why your “boss” is named Snooze.

Ah, the sibling decoy—a move that’s equal parts genius and foolproof. Casually announce, “Oh, I think [Sibling’s Name] needs me for something,” and walk away with purpose. Whether they’re in the kitchen, the garage, or hiding under a pile of coats, no one will question your family loyalty. Bonus: if your sibling catches on, they’ll owe you one, and you’ll both get a laugh about your shared escape artistry later.

Planting yourself in front of the TV for a marathon of Thanksgiving football is a time-honored dodge. Announce with gusto, “I can’t miss this game—it’s tradition!” and settle in for hours of uninterrupted screen time. Even if you don’t know a touchdown from a field goal, just cheer when others do and nod knowingly at replays. Bonus: the game’s endless commercials are perfect for sneaking a snack run or scrolling your phone under the guise of “checking stats.”

Pop in those earbuds, and voilà—you’re in your own little world while still technically present. Smile and nod occasionally so no one suspects you’re jamming to your favorite playlist or bingeing a podcast about anything but family drama. If someone tries to engage you, simply gesture to your ears with an apologetic shrug, as if to say, “Can’t hear you, sorry!” Bonus: with the right timing, you might even dodge helping with cleanup because you “didn’t hear the call for volunteers.”

Ah, the comforting glow of your phone—the perfect shield against awkward conversations and over-shared opinions. Just stare intently at your screen, occasionally nodding as if engrossed in something very important (even if it’s just dog memes). When someone asks what you’re doing, simply say, “Oh, just checking on a work thing” or “Updating my friends on the festivities!” Bonus: you can “accidentally” miss any family debates because you were “so focused on this fascinating article.”

Your favorite cousin: the ultimate partner-in-crime for Thanksgiving survival. Stick by their side like gravy on mashed potatoes, and you’ve got a built-in buffer against awkward questions and tedious small talk. Together, you can exchange knowing looks, share inside jokes, and subtly roast everyone else in the room. Bonus: if anyone questions your constant proximity, just say, “We hardly ever get to catch up!” and continue your escape in tandem.

Volunteering to watch the kids is a masterstroke of strategic avoidance—nobody questions the noble sacrifice of entertaining the tiny tornadoes. Announce, “I’ll keep an eye on them so everyone else can relax,” and disappear into a world of building blocks and cartoon chaos. The kids won’t grill you about your life choices, and you’ll come off as a saint in the eyes of the family. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to skip cleanup—“Sorry, I’ve got to make sure nobody’s sticking forks in the outlets!”

Volunteering for outdoor chores like shoveling the driveway or raking leaves is the ultimate win-win: you’re both “helpful” and blissfully alone. Announce with faux enthusiasm, “I’ll take care of the driveway—it’s getting icy!” or “Those leaves won’t rake themselves!” and head outside. No one will rush to join you in the chilly air, and you’ll have all the time you need to mentally recharge. Bonus: by the time you come back inside, rosy-cheeked and windblown, everyone will assume you’ve done your fair share of family bonding.

Dropping a casual, “Did anyone see that thing in the news?” is like tossing a match into dry tinder—it’s chaotic genius. Sit back, sip your drink, and let the inevitable debate erupt while you quietly fade into the background. Pro tip: make sure your comment is just ambiguous enough to spark multiple interpretations for maximum longevity. And if someone tries to pull you into the fray, simply shrug and say, “Oh, I don’t really have an opinion—I was just curious what you all thought.”

Playing bartender for the family is the perfect cover for staying busy while steering clear of heavy conversations. With a cheerful, “Who needs a refill?” you can swoop in, top off glasses, and escape before anyone tries to rope you into a debate about the turkey’s dryness. Plus, everyone will see you as the ultimate host, even if you’re secretly timing your drink runs for maximum avoidance. Bonus: a little extra splash in your own glass ensures the holiday cheer keeps flowing—for you, at least.

Channel your inner tour guide and announce, “You guys HAVE to see this amazing thing outside!” Whether it’s a “crazy sunset,” a “huge bird,” or “the neighbor’s lights display,” the key is sounding convincingly excited. As everyone files out to investigate, you can enjoy a blissful moment of indoor solitude—or quietly relocate to another hiding spot. And if someone returns and says they didn’t see anything? Just shrug and say, “Huh, I guess it flew away,” before they have time to question your motives.

Sometimes, a touch of passive-aggressiveness is just the spice your Thanksgiving needs. Casually drop comments like, “Oh, don’t worry about me—I’ll just be over here handling everything,” while dramatically fluffing the napkins. It’s a delicate art: just enough to make your point but not enough to start a full-blown feud. Bonus points if you pair it with a tight smile and a “Bless your heart” for that perfect finishing touch.

Baking bread is the ultimate cover for extended periods of solitude—you’re “busy” while doing basically nothing. Announce, “I’d love to join, but I need to watch the dough proof,” with the solemnity of a seasoned baker. No one will question your dedication to this mystical culinary process, even if you’re just scrolling your phone next to a bowl of dough. Bonus: when the bread’s done, you emerge as a hero with carbs—who could possibly be mad at that?

A double feature on Thanksgiving? Pure genius. Casually say, “I’ve been dying to catch these movies, and the timing just worked out,” as you gracefully exit with a bucket of popcorn. You’ll dodge family drama for hours, basking in cinematic bliss while everyone else battles over the last slice of pie. If anyone questions your priorities, just shrug and say, “It’s a tradition I’m starting—self-care cinema!”

Few things are as perfectly distracting as Pokémon Go on Thanksgiving. Announce with mock seriousness, “I just saw a rare spawn nearby—I’ll be right back!” and head outside, phone in hand. Wander the neighborhood “catching ’em all” while avoiding all the awkward questions inside. Bonus: when you come back, you’ll have a great excuse to show off your latest capture instead of answering “So, how’s your love life?”

Starting a fight is the nuclear option of Thanksgiving avoidance tactics—messy but effective. Drop a loaded comment like “I can’t believe anyone would eat canned cranberry sauce,” and watch the chaos unfold. While everyone else is too busy defending their culinary honor, you can quietly slip away, untouched by the fallout. Bonus: when the dust settles, you’ll be the one everyone’s too distracted to interrogate.

Reconnecting with old friends on Thanksgiving is a brilliant way to escape without raising suspicion. Casually say, “I just thought I’d check in with some folks I haven’t talked to in a while—it’s the holidays, after all!” Then retreat to a quiet corner for a long, nostalgia-filled chat. Not only do you dodge the family drama, but you also come off as thoughtful and sentimental. Bonus: no one interrupts a heartfelt phone call—it’s practically sacred territory.