Short jokes, also called one-liners, are quick and witty. They’re like tiny bursts of laughter in just a few words. From puns to clever wordplay, they’re all about making people smile in a short amount of time. So get ready for some quick giggles!
What do you call a magic dog?
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
It’s not just any dog; it’s a wizard in fur!
What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
I guess you could say it’s feeling a bit “hoarse” with that cough!
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
And she hops into every conversation with a one-legged joke!
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
Then he shouted, “Time to set sail into the golden years!”
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
And he added, “Go on, roam the plains of knowledge!”
What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
It’s the only key that’s truly out of this world!
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
And it whispered to the paintings, “I’m feeling cultured just being here.”
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
It’s the signal for a heartfelt sorry!
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
And they planned their escape month by month!
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
He said, “Ouch, I should’ve waited for it to reach peak hipster temperature!”
What do cows do on date night?
Go to the moo-vies.
And they always insist on seeing a romantic dairy tale!
What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?
“I am not amoosed.”
They’re utterly disdainful of poor puns!
Why do French people eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
And they prefer their meals at a snail’s pace!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
But if you give him one more, he might squirt ink in delight!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Watch out, he’s a black belt in bacon-fu!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
And make sure it’s a touchdown!
Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
But then he realized he was berry tough!
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
And they’re always slam dunking their food!
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
The celery just couldn’t leaf it alone!
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
And it’s the sweetest ride in town!
What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse radish!
It’s got a real spicy personality!
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
And they’re always spreading spore-tacular vibes!
How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
Then they purred and curled up for a cat nap together!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
He said, “I knocked and knocked until they recognized my ringing talent!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play has a cast.
And they’re hoping for a standing ovation!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
The fonts shrugged and left in italics.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
And he chuckled, “Looks like she’s giving birth to a grammar lesson!”
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
Then he ordered another round, adding, “Let’s keep the jokes bear-able!”
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
And they’re always bonding over their trust issues!
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
And they meet the standard every time!
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
And make sure it’s gluten-free water!
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
It’s shell-shocked by all the underwater drama!
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business!
And it’s always adding a spicy kick to conversations!
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
And then they run off with the punchline!!
Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
And he always leaves the toilet seat… in the Batmobile!
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