What happens when someone decides to monetize silly things they read on Reddit? The Poop Knife happens, of course. What? You guys didn’t have a poop knife when you were kids? While the original text has been deleted, it has been reposted hundreds of times online, letting us all know exactly how it went down.
It all started when someone named…ahem…LearnedButt made a confession on Reddit that said, “I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife. My family poops big. Our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out ‘Hey, can you get me the poop knife?” I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.”
Soon after, Twitter blew up with their two cents. Many were completed grossed out while others related to the original poster, saying they too had poop knifes, scissors, and even tongs.
If we’re trying to find a silver lining it’s that it took this long for us to be exposed to the idea of the #PoopKnife and it wasn’t a seemingly normal part of our adolecence https://t.co/OkdFbrqetk
— CoreyRadio (@CoreyRadio) January 16, 2018
Another user even called the dude out on his age, “You were young enough to not be able to use a knife, but still clogging toilets? Wow.”
While so much about this is grotesque, perhaps the most interesting comes from someone who should have shred more than just a name with is wife. It’s the original poster himself who ended his post with this bit of info.
“I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.”
But you haven’t heard the best part yet! This poop knife is for real available online! That’s right. You can actually buy one for your “needs” today. For those interested, you can buy the Original Poop Knife at their website or right here on Amazon. Your reason for buying can be entirely non-disclosed.
If there’s anyone who isn’t completely sure how this knife is supposed to work, I’ll just leave this right here to explain the details. Who knows, maybe more people need this than let on? It could replace the plunger in the years to come.
According to The Original Poop Knife’s website, “Inspired by the viral reddit™ confessions post, Original Poop Knife™ will chop the most compacted of brownies, the most seasoned of logs, can handle the hardwood of butt logs 🍑, the longest of sewer snakes 🐍, the most ferocious of bog crocodiles 🐊, and the fattest heaved Havanas.”
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