No matter the specifics of the situation, being a parent is always difficult. No matter who we are, we can all probably remember misbehaving at some point when we were kids. Although most of us grow out of these tendencies, the growth process can be a lot more challenging for children who are not neurotypical.
In particular, raising children with autism can present unique challenges.
Autism is especially trying because it creates a huge gulf in communication between parents and their children.
When the kids act out, the parents are seemingly unable to get them under control again. They’re unable to understand what they’re going through and, even worse, they sometimes wonder if their children actually feel love for them at all. No matter what the intentions of the parents or the kids are, there’s still a lapse in communication.
This was the case for the Montague family living in Kent in the United Kingdom.
Parents Mark and Annie were told many times that their twins Samuel and Jacob were beyond help.
Samuel and Jacob were diagnosed with autism when they were only two-and-a-quarter years old. They showed very little emotion or natural expressions of affection towards their parents from a very young age. As they got older, their behavior got worse and worse. They would often throw their food, break things and sometimes try to run away from home. To protect their children, Annie and Mark built tall fences around their house to keep the twins safe inside.
Still, the parents were understandably finding it very difficult to find ways to cope.
In light of their situation, Mark and Anne were faced with a drastic set of choices.
In severe cases, sometimes parents are encouraged to seek outside help for their children with autism. Still, this is a drastic choice that generally means that the parents aren’t able to spend very much time with their children. While their kids were definitely a serious case, Mark and Anne couldn’t bear to part with them.
Fortunately, their love and determination led to an incredible turnaround.
After some time, the parents decided to try out an experimental treatment method called the Son-Rise program.
For those who don’t know, the Son-Rise Program is an alternative care program designed by Barry Neil Kaufman and Samahria Lyte Kaufman in 1974. The pair had a son named Raun who was also dealing with autism and they sought to find a more compassionate care approach for him. The method tries to understand autism primarily as a social disorder and recognizes the difficulty that people with autism have in connecting with other people.
Unlike other programs that try to change problematic behaviors, the Son-Rise program has therapists join in on the behaviors as a way to normalize them.
After working with the therapists for a little while, Mark and Annie say they’ve seen incredible results.
As Jacob and Samuel became more comfortable, the therapists were gradually able to touch and interact with the kids more and more. Eventually, they were able to build up to direct eye contact. Needless to say, that feeling of connection, love and acceptance is invaluable for any human being—particularly when it’s usually hard to come by.
For the parents, these results were nothing short of life-changing.
After employing some of these techniques themselves, Mark and Annie say they boys began changing their behavior. By copying their children, the children started copying them in return which built a deeper connection between them. All of this led to more interaction, verbal communication, cuddling, hugs and kisses. The family says they’ve never been happier.
Stories like these are incredible because they challenge what we think we know about the world around us.
Autism is a widely misunderstood disorder, one that often leads to those struggling with it being unfairly dismissed or disregarded. By believing in their boys, Mark and Annie were able to make a change that resulted in all of them being happier and better connected, all while setting example for other parents around the world.
For their part, they just hoped they could share their experiences with others around the world.
“We don’t want any parent to have to go through what we’ve been through,” Mark said. “The experts are not always right. Our greatest wish is that we can give people hope that there is a another way.” While the same methods won’t work for every different case, those who have children with behavioral issues could learn a lot from the story of the Montague family.
As it turns out, a little love can go a long way.
If you have children or other family members with autism, does this story resonate with you?
Although Mark and Annie felt they did the right thing by their children by keeping the family together and defying the advice of some medical professionals, some parent have still considered their decision somewhat controversial. While the outcome in this case was positive, would you have done what Mark and Annie did? If not, how would you have dealt with this situation? In difficult cases like these, increased dialogue about these issues is very important.
In any event, these conversations always begin with more information.
If this story struck a chord with you, consider learning a little bit more about autism. The website Autism Society is a good educational resource for those trying to understand more about this common issue—Autism Speaks is another. No matter your stance on the issue, we can all agree that learning more about issues that affect our families and loved ones can only be a good thing. Above all, we need to do our best to be more understanding of those around us, no matter what they’re going through.
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