Today’s internet culture is no stranger to the troll. Trolls can be anyone on the web sewing seeds of chaos and inciting anger, and they can attack any community they see fit. But all trolls have one thing in common: the propensity and desire to spread hate. What causes these eclectic individuals to pursue a passion that only seeks to destroy and harm others? The answers may vary from person to person; but, for one man, the reason was too big to ignore.
Jesse Shand weighed more than 650 pounds when he decided to create an account on BodyBuilding.com. He had no desire to lose the weight, but he did have a source of unbridled hatred that he was hoping to unleash on the unsuspecting visitors of the site. Ever since Jesse could remember, he was on the heavier side. But as he got older, he continued to gain weight. As Jesse’s body grew, so did his shame and his self-loathing.
What better place for a man who despised his own body to incite anger and heated argumentation than on forums filled with ascetic athletes that defined the willpower and hope that Jesse lacked. What ultimately attracted Shand though was the deep online culture that defined the site’s community.
I was just all negativity, all of the time. . . It started off as nothing more than an ill-fated attempt to get a rise out of bodybuilding type.
While Jesse likely upset a few unfortunate individuals, one ultimatum by a moderator on the site gave Shand an idea for a final hurrah of inciting hate and cynicism in the community. The site representative told Jesse that he must leave the site or post a real picture of himself to his profile that revealed his identity.
I thought, ‘You want to see the real me? I’ll give you all the real me you can handle.’ And that’s how the thread got started. The thread I started was called ‘Ask The Fattest Man on Misc. Anything,’ Misc. being the miscellaneous sub-board.
Jesse fully expected people to mock him and spout hatred. In fact, he recalls that the post was essentially inviting this hatred, a fruition of Jesse’s desire to spread the negative feelings he had always felt towards his body. People mocked Shand just as he expected– but not everyone did– and it was this defiance of hatred and derision that forever changed his life.
Replies of advice and encouragement slowly trickled in as genuine questions allowed Shand to share more of his life with others. Countless offers to help Jesse chipped away at his excuses with simple steps that could get him started. Suddenly, Shand had hordes of fitness enthusiasts giving him goals for his diet and exercise that seemed within reach.
When a member told me that I could just flop around, it seemed so silly to me that it seemed like it would be the perfect workout for me to do. I just turned my webcam on and immediately started just flopping my upper body. I was very surprised at how tired I got from something so simple. From there, it was really easy for me to be open book about every point in the process.
From there on, he recorded his goals and shared them with his supporters. Before he knew it, he had a solid list of realistic goals and a log of his activities and diet that other people were vigilantly watching. The knowledge that his supporters would know he skipped exercises or overate if he didn’t share his day’s efforts was enough to keep him accountable.
Small steps turned into bigger ones. Eventually, he reaped the rewards with milestone after milestone of no small significance. His first bath in over a year; his first visit to the doctor in four years; his first walk around the neighborhood; his first indoor shower; and his first time in the gym. Even now, Shand’s journey is not over.
I want to always have something that I’m striving towards. Sometimes, I go back and I like to look at those early videos to remember where I came from and where I was. I didn’t have any future to look forward to– I didn’t expect one. I’m feeling so much better, and I just feel like I have limitless possibilities now.
Watch his incredible journey and share in his successes, check out the video below. You can also find more on his story at Bodybuilding.com.
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