When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified.
Later on, during the second ultrasound appointment, when I found out it was a boy, I was horrified.
I was an only child; I had never grown up around boys. My family is small, and I have one first cousinโ also a girl. The male children I had seen in the past were always so rambunctious. They liked wrestling and rough housing, worms, and boogers. By nature, Iโm an introvert. I like reading and writing, watching documentariesโ not to mention, peace and quiet.
โHeck, Iโm not even a fan of action moviesโ what the Hell am I going to do with a boy?โ I wondered.
But thenโฆ I had my son.
His name is Phoenix, and heโs two years old, and in these few short years, heโs already taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
I have heard the saying that little girls tend to be in love with their fathers, while little boys adore their momsโ and after now having a second son, I think thereโs more to that idea than a simple Freudian theory.
Since the beginning, my son and I have had an indescribable bond. And while I donโt have girls to compare it with, I have heard from mothersโ of children of both sexes, that the bond with a son is different, especially as a female.
And I think a lot of that has to do with the inherent responsibility that comes with raising a boy.
Yes, I know. Thereโs a large responsibility in raising any childโ but bear with me for a minute.
Sometimes, I wonder what my two boys will be like as adults, living in the society of the futureโand I am freaking terrified!
Every day, I ask myself, โIn a society of rape culture and machismo, how will I ever teach my sons to be kind, considerate, and loving men who arenโt afraid to show their emotions and fears? Who arenโt afraid to stand up for what is right? Who wonโt fall victim to the many dangers of society?โ
I still donโt know the answers those questionsโ but I do know that I try my best every single day.
I know parents of girls struggle with the same kind of issues tooโ theyโre two sides of the same coin.
While youโre hoping your little Sarah doesnโt become the victim of an abusive boyfriend or sex trafficking ring, Iโm hoping that my boys will never turn out to be the kind of people involved in those things.
And for me, thatโs a lot of pressure.
Because I know if I manage to do my job correctly, then Iโve also succeeded in protecting your daughter tooโ a little girl who was just like me at one point.
And thatโs important to me too.
Iโve heard that men marry women who remind them of their mothers, and while I donโt know how valid that idea actually is, I like to think thereโs at least a bit of truth to itโ and that in itself makes me try to be the best kind of woman (and mother) that I can be.
I want my son to find a woman who is kind, and hard-working, and who cares for him like I do.
I want my son to find a woman who hasnโt been taught that men are the gender to be fearedโ the ones that attack women at night, and prey on little children with bribes of candies and puppies.
I want my son and whoever his future wife is to know that they are our futureโ and that Iโve done all I can to give them the tools to one day make it better.
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