Being a mother is by far the most difficult, important, and complex job out there. They’re master multi-taskers, that have a plethora of activities, doctors’ appointments and responsibilities to tend to constantly. Mothers are also completely selfless, sacrificing any semblance of social life to make sure their kids are taken care of. So if you have a friend that is a mother, cut her some slack, she’s got a lot on her plate!
This mom shares why it’s hard to be a good friend and mother, at the same time.
Heather Dixon is a mother who knows the stresses of motherhood all too well. She knows first hand, the difficulty of maintaining old friendships when you have kids of your own. On her blog, she recently wrote an inspiring post referring to motherhood and friendship that every parent should read. The post starts by explaining how hard simply responding to an email can be in the hecticness of parenthood, she says:
“Then I see it. An old friend has emailed me a funny picture of us from when we were much younger.
“How are you?? Remember this day? So much fun!”She says.
I stare at the smiling faces looking back at me. We’re laughing about something – relaxed and happy. We were connected then. An unbreakable bond of friendship.
Now, we only talk every few months, mainly because emails like this often get forgotten by me. I feel guilt wash over me as I look at the date on the email. Sent two weeks ago. Like many emails I get, I read them while I’m on the go – thinking to myself “I’ll respond as soon as I get home”. And then life takes over.”
Heather goes on to explain how the mountain of parently duties is endless, making it near impossible to make time for friends:
“As parents of young kids, it feels like there’s a constant conveyor belt of things that have to get done. If we’re not getting children changed, dressed or fed, we’re getting ourselves ready for work, running errands, taking kids to appointments, activities, birthday parties. Even in the summer, when we try to keep things as unscheduled as possible, there are always things that I have (and want) to do. Quality family time, making dinner, bathing children, reading stories, asking about their day.”
She goes on to talk about the sheer exhaustion, how even when you get time, you can barely stay awake by the end of the day:
“Then there’s the exhaustion at the end of the day. The baby is teething, so we’re not sleeping. Or there’s another ear infection. There’s the non-stop juggling of time.
And when we do get together, it’s not long before I find myself yawning at 10 at night – yearning for my bed, even though we used to be able to stay up until the wee hours of the morning, chatting and laughing over several glasses of wine.”
Heather explains how she knows she a ‘bad friend’ right now, but promises it’s not forever:
“I know I suck at being a good friend right now. But I promise it’s not forever. I’m in the weeds. I’m knee-deep in parenting little kids who need me for pretty much everything right now. But this stage in life – it doesn’t last forever.”
The letter closes out, encouraging friends of parents to give them a chance, hang on, they’ll be back soon:
“When they start to grow, I will have time on my hands. I’ll eventually learn how to balance it better. I’ll eventually be sleeping long, long stretches at night. And then, I promise, I will be the good friend I want to be. The good friend I still am.
Because I’m still here. I’m still me. And I still value our friendship – so I’m going to respond to that email.
If you can hang on, I promise I’ll see you soon.”
Mom shares why she ‘sucks at being a friend right now,’ ‘it won’t last forever
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