Having kids is a completely life-changing experience. Many new moms and dads are thrilled to welcome their children into the world but quickly learn the realities of being a parent. It’s wonderful in so many ways, with lots of happy memories to be made and amazing experiences to be enjoyed, but it’s also filled with challenges and all kinds of things you simply can’t prepare for.
Laura Mazza has lived it all. This Australian blogger and mom suffered postnatal depression after having her first child, Luca. Like so many new moms out there, she felt overwhelmed, confused, and lonely. To cope, she decided to reach out and connect with other moms, starting her own blog: The Mum on the Run.
Since then, Laura has amassed hundreds of thousands of followers, and it’s all down to her honest, straightforward approach and awesome personality.
While so many so-called parenting guides like to sugarcoat the experience, focusing only on the positives and overlooking all the problems and difficulties that can come along with being a mom or dad, Laura isn’t afraid to get real. She’s honest with her readers every single time, covering a wide range of issues from potty training to postpartum stress.
The love she feels for her kids also shines through in every post she shares, even when she’s talking about some of the tougher moments of parenting, like listening to ‘Baby Shark’ 500 times in a single day or cleaning up when kids get sick.
Recently, Laura shared a ‘How To Prepare For Children’ guide on Facebook. Her hilarious, accurate, and entertaining post has been viewed by countless people, earning tens of thousands of likes, comments, and shares.
Here’s how Laura’s hilarious guide begins:
How to prepare for children:
Buy bananas, buy five fucking bunches. Eat them all. Whatever. Just make them disappear in a day.
Then buy more bananas the next day. The same amount if not more…and watch them go mouldy. Slowly. Say out loud “why doesn’t anyone want the bananas now?”Cry.
Play baby shark on repeat for 68 hours.
Every time you pick up a phone, ask someone to ask you “can you play baby shark?”Watch obscure things on YouTube like freaky cartoons with catchy songs in between baby shark. Always go back to baby shark.
She continues:
Bring a bull into a supermarket with you. Let it go and apologise to people as it runs pass them, bucking. “He gets angry when not fed and hates movement”
Buy 4 pairs of huge underwear that come up to your neck, poke holes in them, wear them interchangeably
Ask your whole street for their washing, and begin doing their laundry. Ask them to wear and dirty it as soon as it’s folded.
Bite all the apples in your fruit bowl and put them back.
Clean the house, disinfect it, then smear yoghurt on the floor
Ask someone to cough in your eyeball.
And here’s how it ends:
Poo with the door open. FaceTime your friends and get them to ask you about your day while you strain.
Cover yourself in sour milk.
Try to unwrap a lollipop in 3 seconds flat. Set a loud timer that screams at you if you fail.
Buckle up an octopus in a car seat.
Get three monkeys and drive around with them. Give them popcorn and honey.
Make a snack every 7 minutes.
Go to bed
Get up again
Go back
Get up… go back, get up, go back, get up. Smash your toe into something really hard.
Pee yourself.
And now you’re 10% ready.
What do you think of Laura’s guide? If you’re a parent, can you relate? If you’re not a parent, does this make you want to have kids someday??
Please SHARE this with your friends and family.
How to prepare for children:
Buy bananas, buy five fucking bunches. Eat them all. Whatever. Just make them disappear in…
Posted by Laura Mazza on Wednesday, 6 November 2019
