40 unexpectedly gross things about living in a medieval castle

It’s easy to romanticize life in a castle. Many of us imagine lavish feasts, grand festivals, medieval games, and all the rest. Although much of that did happen, it certainly wasn’t everything that life in a castle had to offer. It was largely uncomfortable, with sickness and disease a commonplace, and rarely did people get to experience the simple creature comforts that most of us take for granted today. If you’re curious about what life in a castle was really like then check out this list of 18 less-than-glamorous things about living in a medieval castle and be sure to share it with a friend!

The Toilet was Just A Wooden Hole

When it’s time to do our business, most of us don’t even think twice about how nice it is to have a toilet and indoor plumbing. Had you been living in a castle, however, that luxury wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. Going to the restroom in a castle involved sitting over a hole in a wooden bench. The smell, as you can imagine, wasn’t great, and oftentimes, you weren’t even doing your business alone. It was common for there to be multiple holes down the length of the bench that could be occupied by any number of castle residents.

Not Much Privacy

Just like with using the bathroom, the rest of life in a castle afforded little to no privacy. Castles were often built with wide-open floor plans that kept everyone in constant view of each other. Sure, the lord and lady may have had their own private quarters, but everyone else was essentially in constant view and contact of each other.

Wikimedia Commons
Source:

Wikimedia Commons

They Often Housed Over 100 People

If you haven’t caught on to the theme yet, here it is plain and simple: castle life meant cramped quarters. It took a lot of people to keep a castle running. There were cooks, cleaners, guards, personal servants, and of course all the royalty as well. Plus, the royals that lived in the castle extended much further than just the king and queen or lord and lady. Often, their extended families all lived in the castle as well. If you’re the type of person who enjoys their privacy, then castle life may not have been for you.

There Were Rats And Mice… In Your Room

No one likes having rats and mice in their house. Unfortunately for castle dwellers, the cold dark living quarters within the castle afforded the perfect breeding ground and lifestyle for plenty of rodents. Although they could be considered cute, mice and rats carried diseases that could have meant the end for any of the castle residents. And if that wasn’t enough, rats were also used for torture down in the dungeons. Because they were so abundant, and therefore cheap, many castles preferred to use them to punish prisoners.

Prisoners Were Tortured

Now that you know that rats were used to torture prisoners in castles, imagine all of the other things that they came up with to make someone’s soon-to-be short life extremely miserable. If the lord or lady of the castle wanted someone to be tortured, there was nothing that that prisoner could do to stop it from happening. And in case you were wondering the way in which they used rats to torture prisoners, well, I’ll tell you. They were inserted into the body of the prisoner and then forced to eat their way out through the prisoner’s intestines. Yikes.

There Was Plenty Of Booze

Alright, so not everything about castle life was miserable. At least there was alcohol to drink. However, the reason for drinking alcohol was a little different than it is today. The water, in most cases, was unclean and not able to be drunk unless boiled. Since alcohol kills germs, and wine, beer, or spirits were readily available, most people preferred to drink alcohol over boiled water. And honestly, who could blame them?

Castles Smelled Bad

This may not come as a huge surprise, but in general, castles smelled pretty bad. The bench toilets were one factor that played into this. There was essentially just a pit below those holes that held all the excrement that was dropped in. Along with that, the Middle Ages weren’t exactly known for having the cleanest people or the best hygiene practices. Getting a bath was rare if you weren’t a noble person so many people just smelled bad and wore dirty clothes all the time.

You Started Your Day With The Sun

Of course, there was no electricity back in medieval times so the light inside of the castles was provided from fires and torches. However, fire creates lots of shadows and needs to be constantly fed in order to produce usable light. This meant that the sun was actually the best source of light in the castle. When the sun began to rise, so did all the workers. They needed as much light as possible to get their chores done for the day because once that sun dipped low, torches and fires were the best that they work with.

You Bathed In A Wooden Tub

If you were lucky enough to get yourself a bath, it most likely took place in a wooden tub. This tub was transported from room to room and was used in succession. This meant that the water wasn’t always clean and you probably didn’t have much privacy, either. However, if you lived in a castle and you weren’t a part of the noble class then you took a bath when you could get one, no matter how slimy the walls of the wooden tub were.

It Was Dark And Cold Inside

When castles were constructed, comfort was exactly considered first. Castles were a stronghold, first and foremost, meant to protect the people inside. Stones were often used to build castles because they were strong and sturdy, couldn’t burn, and were abundant in most areas. Unfortunately for the residents, stone is a very poor insulator and that, combined with the small windows that let in very little light, meant that living inside a castle was very dark and cold.

You Were Seated At Dinner Based On Status

When dinner was served in the castle, it certainly wasn’t even. The lord and lady sat at the end of the table where it was warm and well lit. They were served first and their meals were often much more appetizing than the other plates on the table. If you were merely a servant, then you ate dull meals at the dark, cold end of the table. However, this still beat living outside the castle where most of the town’s residents had to scavenge meals on their own.

There Was Lots Of Preparation For Festivals and Feasts

The preparation that went into serving big feasts having festivals largely fell on the servants and commonfolk. It took up most of their day as meals were often served in a large feast style every single day. Unfortunately for the servants, they were rarely able to relax and enjoy any of these meals and festivals that they spent all their time preparing.

The Floors Were Covered In Food Grease And Animal Poop

As you can imagine at this point, castles weren’t exactly clean. The floors were greasy and covered in animal droppings. To help with this, fresh herbs and reeds were strewn about the floor. They were meant to soak up the nasty-smelling liquids and leave the castle smelling fresh. They may have worked a bit but they certainly weren’t perfect. It was said that “[An] ancient collection of beer, grease, fragments, bones, spittle, excrement of dogs and cats and everything that is nasty” was seen when the soiled herbs were swept up and exchanged for fresh ones.

The Lord And Lady Made Their Staff Do All Of The Work

This one may come as no surprise to you. If you were lucky enough to be born of the noble class then you didn’t really need to lift a single finger if you didn’t want to. That’s why castles were staffed as heavily as they were–to serve the royalty. Although, it was a small price to pay when it meant getting to live safely within the castle walls.

The Early Kitchens Caught Fire

It was common in the early part of the Middle Ages for the kitchens to catch fire. This was because they were often constructed out of wood during this time. Cooking was always done over open flames during this time so you can imagine why they always seemed to catch fire and burn down. Eventually, they wised up and started building their kitchens out of stone instead.

You Went To Chapel A Lot

If you don’t consider yourself a very religious person, then you may not have enjoyed this aspect of castle life. Most castles had a chapel built into them so that the residents, and specifically the noble family, could attend their morning mass. Religion was very tightly weaved into daily life during the Middle Ages and if you lived in a castle then you really couldn’t escape it.

Stairs Were Built To Go Clockwise

It seems like every aspect of a castle had a purspose–the staircases included. They were often spiraled and when they were, they were always built to go clockwise. This was because many swordsmen were right-handed, just like today. If you were storming the castle and trying to fight your way up, you would be blocked by the wall with your swings. However, for the guards coming down the stairs, the clockwise direction of the staircase allowed for more full and open swings upon their attackers.

Many Castles Weren’t Actually Built For Kings And Queens

Although kings and queens did live in castles, there are far more castles than there is royalty. In fact, many of the castles were built by rich noblemen who wanted to live lavishly. Well-established knights and other people who were important to the king and queen were given great sums of money for their services and this money was often used to build castles in the countryside.