Sounds like a case of OCD to be honest.

“I always heat things in the microwave for 1:11 or 2:22 because I’m too lazy to move my fingers to the 0 before I hit start.”

Playing with their instincts to his advantage. Impressive.

“I have a dog and a cat, and I HATE sleeping with the door open. Sometimes dog wants to sleep in the bedroom, sometimes dog wants to sleep outside the bedroom. But he never decides until I’m comfy in bed. Solution? Keep a laser pointer on my nightstand. Once dog decides where he’s sleeping, I’ll shine the laser pointer on the door so that my cat paws it closed. It has now become a routine that my cat will wait by the door for the laser before laying down.”

Hoping mom called him back in the middle of the night.

“i was laying in bed with the light on and wanted to go to sleep with it off. i called my house from my cell phone and asked for myself in a disguised voice. when my mom came in to bring me the phone i asked her to turn the light out when she left. hung up both phones and went to sleep.”

Sir, yes sir!!

“I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says “heeeey. It’s OPS. Could you… shift our barpat… yeah, one six five. Thanks.” And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie’s face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I’ve just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship’s back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he’s changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He’s literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he’s not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.”

Weak in the force, he is.

“Shot ~10 nerf darts at my light switch, from bed. Missed all of them and slept with the lights on.”

The real world isn’t so forgiving.

“I was in a class called OJT (on-the-job training) in high-school. Everyday the last 25% of school was dedicated to me being able to leave class to go to “work”. We were given grades by our employers which would then turn into grades for the class.

As a high-school senior I convinced the teacher that oversaw this program that because I had my own corporation that I used to sell stuff on ebay I should be able to be my own boss. She agreed.

I failed that class because I didn’t bother to fill-out the paperwork to give myself a grade.”

Although some waiters do pretend to not see their customers.

“called the restaurant to send the waiter back to my table.”

Must be a really fast internet connection.

“I downloaded a movie instead of going upstairs to grab the DVD.”

If this isn’t all of us.

“Drove to class. Escalators up to third floor classroom were broken. Went home.”

Flick it out the window, honestly.

“Not me, but a buddy of mine was laying in bed one morning. Picked his nose and had no where to put it – put it back in his nose.”

But the state of the ones he was sleeping in must have been… ugh.

“Washed bed sheets. Didn’t put the sheets on till 2 months later.”

Dexterity exercise.

“I tried to skip to the good part of a 33 second Youtube video.”

Great way to look slimmer.

“I lost 14 pounds because i didnt feel like eating.”

Literally why we humans have feet.

“TV remote was ~2 feet out of reach, so I downloaded the remote control app instead.”

Surely this person is single.

“Eating a microwavable meal in bed, I got it all over. I then took off my sock to use as a napkin.”

At least they found common ground.

“My roommate and I arranged our dorm room to be “lazy-capable.” One person was able to reach the mini fridge and light switch from her bed, and the other could reach the the window and AC/ heat from her bed….

…. we never fought again.”

What a cheeky move though.

“I had bbq sauce on my cheek at a restaurant. Rather than get up to grab a napkin, I used a piece of bread to wipe it off and then ate it. That’s also the fattest thing I’ve done.”

Maybe this person forgot about having legs.

“Spent a half hour searching for a torrent to download a textbook that I had left in another room.”

Chances are you’ve done this too.

“Eating my food directly from the pot to eliminate dishes. I hate washing dishes.”

Okay, okay, no need to get into details.

“My SO.”

Honestly, best 45 minutes spent.

“I’ve been sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes cause I don’t want to pull my pants up.”

Prepared for hardships this guy is.

“Slept on the floor for a year instead of putting together my assembly bed.”

Well that’s one supportive friend.

“My roommate in college went home for a three day weekend, and I stayed in bed the entire time. I got up twice to pee, and brought four bags of sour cream & onion potato chips to bed with me. She walked in on Monday at 9pm, laughed so hard she cried, and forced me to get in the shower.”

That’s one phones are for.

“My tv was on my dresser and I didn’t have a remote. I had turned off netflix in an effort to go to bed. I decided a few minutes later that sleep is for the weak and decided for more netflix. I never got up to turn my tv back on though, I watched hours of netflix on my tiny phone to avoid getting up for 5 seconds.”

No need to feel ashamed.

“My husband did this but I took advantage so Im guilty too. We were in his mancave attached to the garage. Its about 100 feet from the house. Using his cell he called the house phone. One of the kids answered and he told him to come to the cave. When he got there my husband told him to grab a beer out of the fridge that was about 10 feet away. I said, “While you’re there, grab me a soda.” I feel so ashamed.”

But we’ve all had our college moments so no judging.

“when I was in college I ordered pizza for delivery because I wanted cigarettes and asked if there was a driver there that would pick me up some cigs for an extra $10 on top of his normal tip. we had a circle k next door to my apartment complex I could see from my window. the cigs cost me $33.”

So we’ve got a new Joker.

“Fell asleep wearing full makeup, woke up, wore the same makeup the next day.”

Now if that’s not lazy, what is?

“I was a month and a half late for my birth.”

For a moment in time at least.

“I ran out of clean bowls for cereal. So I lined the bowls with foil, over the old food and made a bowl of cereal. After that I threw away the foil and did it again the next day.”