Kids say the darnedest things, especially when they’re still very young and learning how to pronounce certain words.
Even though it’s hilarious when they call water “water bricks” and pizza crusts “pizza bones,” when you really stop to think about it, their version actually makes more sense than the original!
So, are you ready to jump on your “battle unicorn,” fill your “snacks holes” with candy, and fight off the “flamingo witches” with the sound of your “tooty parp?”
Great! Then here are 35 totally funny reasons why we should let kids name everything!
1) Keep your hands out of my snack holes!
Who knew? We’ve been buying lunch sacks all this time, when we could’ve just been stuffing our snack holes with tasty tidbits. I don’t know about you, but I’ll never look at pockets the same way ever again.
“Seriously! Toddler wordplay is pure poetry. Maybe she’ll co-author my next PB…”
2) Hey look ma, it’s a Halloween eagle!
This is good news for all the old ladies that live just down the street. Instead of being called an old crow, they’re being upgraded to Halloween eagles!
3) Behold, it’s the ultra rare, rainbow tough, Battle Unicorn!
Yes, kids should be allowed to name all new species! No one can remember boring scientific names. But no one will ever forget dog mermaid (seals) or Halloween eagles!
4) Is it your turn to mow the face grass, or mine?
In Tok Pisin, which a creole language spoken in Papua New Guinea, the word beard is “gras bilong fes,” which means “face grass.” It’s probably where your toddler grew up in a past life.
@LFVelezphd:
“When I was little, I referred to Dad’s morning razor stubble as crumbs.”
5) I’ll just take the robot stairs, thanks.
The cheeky child has spoken, and escalators are no more. From here on out, escalators shall now be known as “robot stairs.”
6) That’s exactly what braces are!
Here’s some prison food for thought. If braces are tiny jails for your teeth, what does that make the retainer? The probation officer?
7) Penguins are such a hoot.
How adorable! Don’t you just love it when kids use their imagination to describe things?
8) Dad, can I have another water brick?
Well, she’s not wrong. Your daughter is calling it exactly as she sees it!
@BACKatYOUStL:
“My favorite four year old (who is now 8) couldn’t remember what to call sparkling water and called it shiny water. To this day in my house, it’s shiny water! I get it!”
9) Don’t let the “wet drops of sad” get you down.
So, that means tears of laughter must be wet drops of happy! But, where do tears of onion fit into all of this? Are they wet drops of fake?
10) A bowl of fruity pride!
That’s absolutely brilliant! It’s so wonderful when kids can appreciate all the colors of the rainbow.
@A.H.W. 768:
“Thank’s kid,for supporting me and the rest of the LGBTQ community.”
Well, we have The Container Store, so why not The Airplane Store? Just don’t buy a Boeing’s 737 MAX 8 – those have terrible reviews.
12) My, what big tree veins you have.
Ever notice how some tree veins look like they’re on steroids? They bulge up out of the ground and make you trip all over them.
@mild anxiety! at the disco:
“Maple syrup is tree blood.”
@Miriam:
“And pinecones are tree pimples.”
13) Did you just see the “wee woo truck” go by?
What do you call that emergency transportation thingy again? The people-saver truck? The hospital escort service? No wait, I remember how it sounds now – it’s the wee woo truck!
14) What’s another name for cactus?
Better not poke the poke tree! It might poke you back, and you’re not going to like how it feels.
@Kamryn McNamara:
“I’m imagining Groot just poking people that walk by him.”
@sfg4life515:
“I am poke.”
15) That’s one sexy book looker!
I like how this sounds! It’s way better than being a frumpy bookworm.
@MadDadSkillz:
“I often feel, now that I’m a parent and never alone, that when I sit down with a book I’m pretty much just Book Looking instead of Reading anyway!”
16) How much for one of those skeleton burritos?
When I’m gone, I want to be buried with a cache of burritos. It’ll make it even more legit.
@A Stone:
“My son called called snowflakes starflakes and umbrellas were rainbrellas. My daughter once said what if life is just an angel’s dream.”
17) Hey, where are my mattress curtains?
Hopefully the mattress is still wearing a bed skirt. Otherwise it’ll be totally naked and exposed!
@Ingeborg Ann:
“Fun fact: in Norwegian sheets are called bed clothes.”
18) Do you need a tissue for your bless yous?
Awww, bless your little sweetie! When allergy season rolls around, I’m going to feel super blessed, too.
19) Moo-ve over, there’s a 9-year-old slowly coming your way.
A word to the wise, don’t leave your son out in a field next to a high school on a Friday night. You might find him tipped over the next morning.
20) How good is your remembery?
Awww, that’s such a cute and catchy word! And, I daresay, it’s also pretty easy to remembery!
Good strategy! Squirrels can be such a nuisance, but having a bunch of kangaroos in your neighborhood just sounds cool.
@Kaycee:
“My toddler calls them dogs. Because everything is either a dog, Llama, or a bunny. I’ll choose my battle and get to correcting her eventually.”
22) Mom, can I play with the gobble button today?
Better watch out. Sometimes kids like to put their toys down the gobble hole.
23) Pizza bones are the worst!
Your nephew is actually on to something. Pizza bones have no flavor, unless you have one of those cheesy stuffed-crust pies.
@Sara Strachan:
“We got toast bones in our house.”
24) I’m going to dress up as Snoofy for Halloween.
Snoofy sounds so much cuter than Snoopy. Wait until he grows up and starts snoofing around your room!
“I know he’ll start calling him Snoopy soon, but LET ME HAVE THIS COUPLE OF DAYS.”
25) What’s your favorite flavor of gubble bum?
These mismatched words are so adorable when your kids are little! But at some point you have to correct them, or they’ll end up like poor Rebekah here.
@Rebekah:
“I was sitting on the steps into my university auditorium when I learned a porcupine is not a “porky pine”. Thanks mom.”
26) Can you press the button for uppy room 13, please?
Unfortunately, not everyone gets to go to the uppy room with a view. Some people end up in a dank downy room.
@Shari H:
“I call them ‘Oh hell no! I’m not dying in the cramped little hell box!'”
27) Mom, we’re out of poop juice again!
I’m thinking milk should actually be mama juice, and beer is dada juice. And poop juice isn’t for kids, it’s for grandma!
28) Are we supposed to put deodorant on our sweaty leg pits?
This should be a word in the dictionary. After all, our armpits are under our arms, so it makes total sense to call the underside part of our legs a leg pit!
@Miro Cassetta
“In trapeze/aerial arts we call them knee pits! It’s important to distinguish when you’re dangling from a rope.”
29) Hey, who just ripped a butt burp?
Don’t you hate it when your’re in the uppy room, and someone lets out a stinky butt burp? Next time I’m going to call them out and start pointing fingers at the rude butt burpers!
30) Does she take requests?
It looks like the stereotypes between genders are alive and well! Boys call it butt burps, and girls call it singing in their pants. I just call them gas leaks.
31) Even grown-ups can’t say it right.
I love the sound of a good, loud tooty parp blowing across the room. It’s my favorite part of going to a classical music concert!
32) Meanwhile, in an opposite universe…
Remember when grandma used to give you hand socks every year for your birthday and Christmas? Ah, those were the good old days!
33) Meanwhile, in the same exact opposite universe…
You can’t have hand socks without feet gloves! The two seem to go foot in hand.
34) “Didn’t the Flamingo Witches play Coachella last year?”
Yeah, you go girl! Give it some flair and call it like you see it!
@ian_c_bell:
“These would be great sports team names. THIS SUNDAY WATCH THE FLORIDA FLAMINGO WITCHES BATTLE THE NEW ENGLAND HALLOWEEN EAGLES!”
35) No more ghost doors! No more ghost doors!
Come on, say it with me! Ghost doors have no place in our neighborhood and should be banished back to the underworld.
Please SHARE this with your friends and family.
Kids say the darnedest things, especially when they’re still very young and learning how to pronounce certain words.
Even though it’s hilarious when they call water “water bricks” and pizza crusts “pizza bones,” when you really stop to think about it, their version actually makes more sense than the original!
So, are you ready to jump on your “battle unicorn,” fill your “snacks holes” with candy, and fight off the “flamingo witches” with the sound of your “tooty parp?”
Great! Then here are 35 totally funny reasons why we should let kids name everything!
