Dominic Sivyer’s grandfather, Tom Sivyer, was a big part of his life. Tom stepped in bigtime when Dominic’s parents split.
As a result, he and Dominic grew very close.
“My relationship with my grandparents has always been unusually close. When my parents separated my grandad stepped in,” Tom explains in his documentary for the BBC. “He filled the gap that my dad left behind and we became inseparable.”
So, it was extremely difficult for Dominic and Tom’s wife Pam when Tom was diagnosed with dementia. The change in Tom was drastic.
The kind-hearted man that Dominic knew was transformed into an angry and volatile man.
“He would lose his temper very easily,” Pam said. “Swearing, shouting. Just abuse.”
Things got so bad that Tom was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and placed in a hospital against his will.
The law allows England’s National Health Service to throw you in an institution.
This government organization can detain you for up to six months against your will.
“However, there are cases when a person can be detained (also known as sectioned) under the Mental Health Act (1983) and treated without their agreement. The Mental Health Act (1983) is the main piece of legislation that covers the assessment, treatment and rights of people with a mental health disorder,” the NHS’ website states. “People detained under the Mental Health Act need urgent treatment for a mental health disorder and are at risk of harm to themselves or others.”
Dominic eventually started to document his grandfather’s experience with dementia.
“I decided to make a film because I was trying to make sense of the illness that was making my grandad totally powerless,” he told agespace. “It was a very challenging time for me and my family and especially for him, so it was a way of gaining control over the situation. Filming was something I had done with him as a young boy, so it felt totally natural.”
Pam felt like she could no longer care for Tom, so Dominic’s Aunt Becky agreed to take him in.
Tom and Pam were going through a rough patch.
“I don’t know I think we’ve just fallen out of love,” Domini said. “Fifty years I’ve been with her. My world has collapsed.”
Pam eventually moved out of their home and into a retirement village where she could receive more support.
“I tried to tell myself that I didn’t love him or I didn’t want him here but it wasn’t true,” Pam said. “I was just kidding myself. I think I needed a bit of a break.”
Pam decided to allow Tom to move into the retirement home with her.
Tom still struggles with his memory but his anger and mood swings have subsided.
This made it a lot easier for Pam to care for him.
“It’s very positive, they are in a very good place, and they are happy being back together,” Dominic says. “I think he is very calm and feels quite settled in this new environment. She has got support around her, and I think that’s made a tremendous amount of difference.”
Watch Dominic’s short emotionally compelling short documentary below.
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