If you’re not from the Deep South, you might be “about as confused as a fart in a fan factory” when it comes to understanding the slang that comes out of a homegrown Southerner’s mouth.
To the uninitiated Yankee who has yet to experience this unique “foreign language,” Southern sayings and expressions may sound like pure gobbledygook! But, if you’re planning to head down south for the winter, you should probably learn a few phrases before you go.
Here are 50 of the richest, funniest, and most colorful sayings that a Southerner might say to you.
What Southerners Say About Being Cheap
1. He’s so cheap he wouldn’t give a nickel to see Jesus ridin’ a bicycle. (Someone give this poor guy a nickel!)
2. He squeezes the quarter so tight the eagle screams. (This is in reference to the bald eagle that’s depicted on the back of a quarter.)
When A Southerner Gets Mad
3. His knickers are in a knot. (It’s like having your panties all bunched up.)
4. He has a duck fit. (This is one step above a regular hissy fit.)
5. She’s having a dying duck fit. (Lawd have mercy, you better run and hide!)
6. He’s got a burr in his saddle. (He’s royally pissed off. Do not approach.)
7. She’s pitching a hissy fit. (This is like a 2-year-old having a tantrum.)
Colorful Expressions About The Weather
8. It’s been hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch. (Poor goat)
9. It’s hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock! (Poor sweaty sock)
10. It rained like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock. (Poor rock)
Observations About A Person’s Weight
11. She’s so skinny, you can’t even see her shadow. (Eat up, girl!)
12. He’s so skinny, if he stood sideways and stuck out his tongue, he’d look like a zipper. (The tongue is in reference to the part of the zipper you grab hold of to pull it up and down.)
13. If he were an inch taller, he’d be round. (How to politely describe a portly lookin’ fella.)
Southern Sayings About The Wealthy
14. Sh**tin’ in high cotton. (This goes back to the days of wealthy cotton plantations.)
15. He’s richer’n Croesus. (That’s some stellar education right there! Croesus was a very wealthy king in Lydia during the 6th century, BC. )
16. He’s so rich he buys a new boat when he gets the other one wet.
A Well-Fed Southerner Is:
17. As fat as a tick.
A Hungry Southerner Will Say:
18. I’m so hungry my belly thinks my throat’s been cut.
19. I could eat the north end of a south-bound polecat.
20. I’m so hungry I could eat the north end of a south-bound goat. (This is charming yet disgusting way of saying you’re so hungry you could eat a horse.)
Unkind, But Funny “You’re So Ugly” Jokes
21. He’s so ugly, he didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole forest!
22. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
23. She so ugly, she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.
24. He’s so ugly, he’d scare a buzzard off a gut pile.
25. She’s so ugly, I’d hire her to haunt a house!
26. If I had a dog as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
27. She is so ugly, her face would turn sweet milk to clabber. (Clabber is sour milk.)
What A Southerner Says About Bad Character
28. You’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.
29. He’s slicker’n owl sh*t. (Eww, how do they know?)
30. She’s meaner than a wet panther. (Cats hate water.)
31. Why, that egg-suckin’ dawg!
32. He’s a snake in the grass.
When Southerners Are Busy
33. Busier than a moth in a mitten!
34. I been running’ all over hell’s half acre.
35. She’s busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
36. I’m as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.
Southern Sayings About Being Poor & Broke
37. He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.
38. He doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
39. I’m so poor I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime.
40. I’m as poor as a church mouse.
A Southerner’s Take On Scantily Clad Women
41. You’re gonna have old and new-monia dressed like that! (A take on catching a cold, but with pneumonia.)
42. Lawd, people will be able to see to Christmas! (I guess that means people only got “lucky” on Christmas?)
43. Lawd, pull that down! We kin see clear to the promised land!
When There’s A Drought
44. It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
Southern Expressions About Being Confused
45. He doesn’t know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.
46. He couldn’t find his ass with both hands in his back pockets.
47. He’s about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.
48. She’s as lost as last year’s Easter egg.
Expressions About Being Lazy
49. He’s about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.
Colloquialisms For A Woman’s Unmentionables:
50. Over-the-shoulder boulder holders. (This is for women who wear large-sized bras.)
What did you think of these quirky Southern sayings? One thing’s for sure, Gone with the Wind this ain’t!
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