Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if itโs a bit unintentional. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy.
Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. He recently wrote a book aptly titled โDisorder in the Courtโ where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses.
The author describes his book as a โcollection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justiceโ to form โmemorably insane comedyโ.
How memorable, you might ask? Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter.
Here are fifteen excerpts from โDisorder in the Courtโ, and itโs just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom.
1) Some things just arenโt straightforward enough
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By deathโฆ
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
2) Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke
LAWYER: Now sir, Iโm sure you are an intelligent and honest manโ
WITNESS: Thank you. If I werenโt under oath, Iโd return the compliment.
3) Some questions are just too complicated
LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
4) Thereโs never a reason not to make a pun
LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
5) Taking responses too literally
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oralโฆ
6) To be fair, those headlights are pretty flashy
LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
WITNESS: Yes, sir.
LAWYER: What did she say?
WITNESS: โWhat disco am I at?โ
7) Everything is possible
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: Noโฆ
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
8) I donโt think thatโs how memory works
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
9) Some people just simply arenโt good with numbers
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canโt remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
10) Technically, itโs not wrong, which is the best type of being right
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
11) That one mustโve hurtโฆ
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Heโs 20, much like your IQ.
12) Details matter
LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
WITNESS: The victim lived.
13) This seems like a trick question
LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
14) Using the right to remain silent isnโt always the brightest idea
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
WITNESS: No.
15) This is when you need to switch attorneys
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Be sure to check out โDisorder in Courtโ for more funny court stories.
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