Anger is a tough feeling to deal with at any age. But those who don’t learn to control it can find that it leads to physical and mental health problems as well as difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
Perhaps that’s the reason viewers were so supportive of a dad giving his daughter some thoughtful and helpful advice on coping with her anger.
The video came about randomly when Randy Gaines started having a conversation with his daughter about how to deal with her frustration and his wife realized she was seeing a great parenting moment. “I think I just watched and listened to one of the most powerful conversations in my life,” she said of the video when she submitted it to the Facebook page Love What Matters.
Because children can often get angry for entirely confusing reasons, Gaines explained that his six-year-old was angry with him after he called her “Miss Buttons.” He told Scary Mommy:
“We have a relationship where we like to joke and laugh with each other, so I called her ‘Moody Moose Buttons,’ after her favorite Sweet Pickles kids book. We were getting ready to go for a walk, when I couldn’t find her. So upon looking for her, I found her in her bedroom pouting. I asked her to use her words, and she said she was mad. Eventually, if you can hear our conversation, she said she was angry because I called her that.”
His advice was important for us all to hear, especially when we’re so often told to just get over our anger. He reminded her that she doesn’t always have to be happy or silly or funny, but that it’s also not a good idea to wallow in anger.
“You want to accept it; you want to honor it; you want to acknowledge it, and then let it go,” he advised.
Of course, sometimes it’s not that easy. In that case, he reassured her that she would still be safe and loved.
Gaines’ wife Deceena posted a tribute to her husband when she posted the video:
“I fell in love with him before we had our girls, but moments like this make me fall even more in love with him. No yelling. No screaming. Talking. Discussing emotions and why we have such feelings. HEALTHY outlets (walking, running, punching a pillow, etc) … Getting down to the root of the problem. Setting boundaries, because feelings were upset. RESPECTING boundaries, to ensure it doesn’t occur again.”
Gaines also gave his daughter permission to deal with her anger by releasing it through yelling or punching a pillow. And instead of getting overwhelmed or rejecting her anger, he taught her how to use it to identify her boundaries – something that most adults don’t always do successfully!
Because she was upset about his perceived teasing, he tailored his advice to the situation, telling her
“It’s important to talk about it so that I know that’s your boundary. And I’ll respect it and I won’t push past it. But you’ve got to tell me first. It’s ok to joke sometimes, isn’t it? And sometimes it’s not so fun. I respect you and I respect your feelings. And if it’s not ok to joke with you today, I won’t do it. Just let me know so I don’t do it, ok? Because if I don’t know better, I can’t do better.”
And while violence against others is never encouraged, psychologists and child development experts do suggest that children can work off their anger by getting some exercise, so Gaines suggested they go take a walk and she could even run off her anger.
There’sno doubt that this is one lucky little girl. We can only hope that the advice she received made some impression, but even if it didn’t, she clearly has more productive talks ahead from her loving father.
Watch the touching video below.
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