Marriage and divorce are extremely common events in Western culture. The American Psychological Association says that in the West, more than 90% of people marry by age 50. Unfortunately, however, they also say that 40-50% of these marriages end in divorce.
Many of these divorced couples have given birth to children, which, in itself, creates a host of factors to attend to.
Psychology Today explains, “For those who are separated, divorced, or sharing custody of a child, the struggles of co-parenting can produce enormous stressors.”
And it’s true; as co-parenting has become more popular, we all too often hear horror stories about feuding parents, jealous ex’s, and evil, new spouses.
However, Haley Booth, a mother who has separated from her daughter’s father, says co-parenting is not as hard as everyone has been making it seem.
Taking to Facebook to share her story, the mother writes:
“Often times I have people ask me how my ex, his wife, my husband, and I co-parent so flawlessly. My answer is always the same— We just love our daughter.
“Seriously, it’s that simple.”
Haley goes on to state that no child should be tossed between homes or used as a bargaining chip. She says that her daughter “didn’t choose to be born, and she certainly never chose for her parents to get divorced”.
“Why would we make her life any harder by making her chose which set of parents to love?” she asks.
Haley tells her followers that she has a great relationship with her ex’s new spouse Dakota Pitman, as does her daughter who calls Dakota “bonus mommy”.
Although some mothers would get jealous sharing the coveted “mom” title, Haley says that the term is completely fine by her, explaining:
“That’s okay, because that’s what [Dakota] is to her; she IS her mommy. She is there for her always, she takes care of her, she plays, she teaches her life lessons and how she should behave, she gives her hugs and kisses goodnight, she does everything any mother would do… But most of all, she loves her like she is her own.”
Alongside her statement, Haley posts a photo of her, her daughter, and Dakota all together on the first day of school.
She says, “My daughter isn’t the only one who loves her bonus mommy, I love her too. She’s become one of my best friends, and I rely on her for many things. She is one of the strongest people I know, and I am thankful for her every day.
Haley’s post (featured in its entirety below) has been shared over 28,000 times.
People love the way the two parents (and Dakota) have learned to parent together for the sake of their daughter.
It’s really refreshing to see this type of positivity in a world where kids are often the ones who suffer the most following a separation.
If you’re looking to improve your co-parenting techniques, check out these tips by Psychology Today.
Here is the full text of the post:
Often times I have people ask me how my ex, his wife, my husband and I co-parent so flawlessly.
My answer is always the same– We just love our daughter.
Seriously, it’s just that simple.
We all love her, and nothing will ever change that.
No child deserves to be tossed around back and forth, used as a bargaining chip, or to be put in the middle of any adult drama. She didn’t choose to be born, and she certainly never chose for her parents to get divorced.
Why would we make her life any harder by making her choose which set of parents to love?
My daughter calls her bonus mommy ‘Mommy’ and you know what? That’s okay, because that’s what she is to her, she IS her mommy.
She is there for her always, she takes care of her, she plays with her, she teaches her life lessons and how she should behave, she gives her hugs and kisses goodnight, she does everything any mother would do.
But most of all she loves her like she is her own. It takes a very special woman to take a child that they didn’t give birth to under their wing and become their mother.
I see so many women say ‘I would never let my child call another woman mom or mommy, because she’s NOT her mom I AM!’
Well you know what? You’re being selfish. If you are lucky enough for your ex to have a woman who loves YOUR child or children like their own, and one who helps raise them and shape them, why would you not allow them to call a woman they love mommy? Why would you put your child in the position to feel like they have to choose who they love?
I would never tell my daughter she can’t call her bonus mommy ‘mommy’ because it would hurt her deeply. She is her mommy not only when she spends time with her dad, but all the time.
Sometimes you just have to put the petty little things aside, to raise your child to be the amazing human being they are meant to be.
Don’t tell me that peaceful coparenting isn’t possible, because it is. I know it is. Because I do it everyday.
It takes a village to raise a child, and I am beyond thankful for my village!
Are you?
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