“You know that old expression: Look before you leap? Maybe a quick peek would have been a good idea.”

“I’d never really given it much thought…but tonight, as my brothers chirped on and on about their favorite kind of worm and my sisters pecked mites out of their feathers, the idea occurred to me that perhaps I’d been adopted.”

“I know he’s the protector of the water and everything, but he really needs to learn some boundaries.”

“It was one of the most beautiful sunsets I’d ever seen, but the little penguin on my shoulder just kept talking about sardines, sardines, sardines.”

“You know when you imagine someone else’s life is more comfortable than yours, but then you find out it actually isn’t? Yeah, that’s how I felt up there on that doghouse.”

“When you really want to impress beautiful Indian dancers, two arms just aren’t enough.”

“Some moments are beyond words.”

“Shadow thought she could jump across the canyon. I didn’t think she could make it. Then she tried. Turns out, I was right.”

“When we really need one, there’s nothing better than a strong friend to lean on. Someone who’ll just stand there and listen. Like a giant robot.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to decide which way to go.”

“She’s a funny girl. She never takes her hat off, and she holds that torch up all the time. But I’ve gotta say, by the light of the fireworks tonight, she was looking pretty beautiful to me.”

“As soon as I found the source of the loud rattling sound, a weird hissing noise started. What a crazy day.”

“I didn’t ask how she got the plastic six-pack holder stuck around her neck. I was just happy to help.”

“When I was asked to go duck hunting, this is not at all what I expected.”

“At a moment when violence and deep hatred is literally burning across our country, I offer this image as a call for peace and a prayer that one day every black boy and girl will be able to grow up in the United States with respect, opportunity and safety.”

“I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, what with the prom coming up and everything, but we simply couldn’t put it off any longer. ‘You need braces,’ I said.”

“Enough with the sharks, let’s talk about weight loss. How’s my diet going? See for yourself.”

“When ever I take my octopus for a walk, we always have the same argument. Am I wearing him as my hat or is he wearing me as his shoes?”

“They are extremely rare and they drip milk all over the flowers, but the Udderfly is still a beautiful creature.”

“The baby unicorn is very shy, but a handful of rainbow sprinkles will eventually lure her over.”

“When you’re riding an ostrich and it starts to accelerate, two conflicting thoughts will run through your mind. One: Hold on tight! Two: Not too tight.”

“I forgot that Clipart is afraid of thunder when I took her out tonight for a ride in the rain.”

“When Death hopped up on my picnic table tonight, all two foot six inches of him…I don’t know. I guess I always thought he’d be taller.”

“‘Hey, Donald. Want to meet my new friend? Her name’s Peaches.’ Trump made a face, clearly not impressed. ‘Can I just say: She looks like a fat pig,’ he offered. ‘She is a fat pig,’ I replied.”

“Zero sunset tonight, so here’s an oldie but a goodie. What to give a mermaid who has everything? A bouquet of fish, of course!”

“I’m telling you, it’s not easy eating your last mini carrot with this guy staring at you.”

“Caught this sweet large mouth bass off the dock today.”

“‘I’m a cute little elf who likes to wee
On any plate of fruit I see.
I’m Tinkleberry! Tinkleberry the Elf.
That’s me!'”

“Woah. Tonight I almost walked right into the biggest spider web I’ve ever seen. I mean: this thing was huge. Like…really big. Believe me, I just backed away slowly…”

“What can I say? When the Lake Monster splashes me…I splash back. That’s how I roll.”

“The cosmetic procedure is called Pineoplasty. And while it does make your nose look like a beautiful giant pine cone, there are some challenges to consider first.”

“The lady at the garden store called it a Giant Daisy Lion, which I thought sounded pretty cool. But let me tell you: They are not easy to prune.”

“Without my glasses it was hard to read the sign, but I think it said ‘BEWARE OF HANGING SNOKES!’ Whatever that means.”

“The tunnel was so dark I couldn’t see the end of it, but you only live once, right?”

“Talk about a bad first date. I took her to my favorite restaurant and she asked if I had any recommendations. ‘The chicken’s delicious here,’ I said. And things just got really awkward after that.”

“The problem was: I needed somewhere to dry my socks. Luckily the moose and the buck didn’t have anything better to do.”

“I’m not sure exactly why the Garden Gnomes were so upset, but apparently it had something to do with the way I was troweling.”

“Maybe it was the beautiful sunset or the Samba music playing nearby, but when the giant mouse asked me to dance I just said, ‘Sure. I’d love to.'”

“One more for the road. On my way from Florida to Maine. Just enough time for the old ‘Peacock on the Head’ joke.”

“Okay. I’ll admit it. Shooting hoops with my brachiosaurus friend is probably more fun for me than it is for him.”

“‘How can I reach the coconuts?’ I asked the monkeys. ‘Grab on,’ they chattered, linking their plastic arms together.
(Anyone remember these guys?)”

“‘What is that?’ I asked, looking with disgust at the thick green mass in the measuring cup. ‘One cup of booger,’ Oscar replied. ‘Which is a lot even for me. But I’ve got a cold, so it’s your lucky day. Enjoy.’
‘I said sugar. A cup of sugar,’ I managed before gagging a little.
The Grouch just chuckled in a way that made me suspect he’d heard me just fine the first time.”

“How to toast marshmallows when all you have is a baby Triceratops and a small butane torch.”

“When I saw the ad in the newspaper for ‘Personal Giant Groomer,’ I thought it was going to be a glamorous job. But it is not.”

“Seahorse riding here on Sanibel Island is actually a thing. What a way to end the day!”

“‘Sit’ and ‘Stay’ are one thing. But training your boxer to actually box is harder than you might think.”

“Here’s a little trick the next time you get a peanut stuck in your throat.”

“Tired of Uber? Can’t find a taxi? Give Kanga-ride a call.”

“Camila wanted to make a sand castle. I’ve been missing India lately. So we came up with a design that would make us both happy.”