When Maria Logis was diagnosed with Stage IV Non-Hodgkin lymphoma in 1994, she was devastated. At the time, she was a busy, born-and-raised New Yorker working 60- to 80- hour work weeks as a General Manager for Con Edison, a major utilities provider for the New York City area.
โI absolutely loved my job and I was very, very good at it,โ she explained.
Being a woman of faith, she prayed for guidance.
โMy prayer was, โI donโt mind dying if thatโs whatโs in the plan. But please, God, keep me out of the hands of the doctors.โ I just did not want to be in a hospitalโฆ And when I was praying this idea kept popping into my mind: โMaybe you should sing.'โ
Maria was in her 40โs and had no musical background. At first, she couldnโt accept the idea of taking up singing during such a time of crisis.
โWhere did that come from?โ She remembers thinking. โItโs a stupid idea! Itโs ridiculous!โ
But, with the support of her friends and family, she started pursuing music anyway. She began to work with Alan Turry, a music therapist who accompanies his clients on piano during creative improvisation sessions.
A few months later, Mariaโs doctor noticed that her cancer had not been spreading since her diagnosis. He told her that she should check in with him in another month. He was certain her lymphoma would become active shortly, but as long as it remained inactive, she wouldnโt have to start chemotherapy.
โI thought โThis is a stay of execution.โ It felt like such a relief,โ Maria described. Still, every month she had to return to the doctorโs office to find out if her lymphoma had become active.
โI was scared to death, I was like walking on egg shells all the time, just waiting for it to drop.โ
Despite her fear, her cancer, and her busy work schedule, she continued to see Alan weekly. Their music-making allowed her to use musical improvisation to express and experience her emotions in a deeper way.
โI sing something and he plays something in response which takes that feeling to another level. And then I go to that other level, a deeper level. Itโs about listening, and the listening is so profound. Itโs a profound experience to have somebody really hear youโฆ Itโs a deep acceptance.โ
Years passed, and all the while Mariaโs lymphoma remained inactive. She began to speak and perform at music therapy conferences, sharing her story and the songs that she and Alan wrote together during her lessons.
She also became a regular at the Creative Center, a nonprofit that offers free art workshops as a way of promoting healing in people with cancer and chronic illnesses. What she didnโt realize was that she was slowly building the foundation for a completely new way of life.
In 2000, Maria decided that her creative projects required more time than her busy work schedule would allow, so she started working part-time. In 2005, she retired to focus fully on music, performance and writing. Now, over twenty years after her diagnosis, Maria remains dedicated to her art and her lymphoma has yet to become active. She sees her oncologist once every year to make sure she still doesnโt need treatment.
Did music therapy help Maria fight her lymphoma?
โThereโs no way of knowing,โ she says. โThe music, the performing, trying to eat healthy, working out, my prayer life, feeling and expressing gratitude, trying to be more alert, more aware of the world around meโฆ maybe all of that is contributing to this cancer staying in remission. Maybe itโs not. But this is what I can do. I have to keep doing all of this because this is how I got myself here. And then whatever the consequences are, I take them.โ
Either way, Mariaโs diagnosis was not the disaster she had feared. Instead, it opened her eyes to the intrinsic value of creativity.
โI think human beings love to be creative and they are. You can see it all around you. I ascribe very strongly to the basic premise of the Creative Center, that creative activity promotes healing, promotes well-being. You can do something good for the world by doing something good for yourself.โ
Now she lives every day dedicated to her artistic development, wherever it might take her.
โMy life has changed dramatically, and I have changed, by allowing myself to walk into this world called โBeing a Creative Artist.โ And I hesitate to really use language like that because when I think of creative artists I think of the great singers. Nina Simone. Maria Callas. Iโm not in that category, Iโm never going to be in that category. Itโs ok. Iโm allowed to sing anyway.โ
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