When Maria Logis was diagnosed with Stage IV Non-Hodgkin lymphoma in 1994, she was devastated. At the time, she was a busy, born-and-raised New Yorker working 60- to 80- hour work weeks as a General Manager for Con Edison, a major utilities provider for the New York City area.
“I absolutely loved my job and I was very, very good at it,” she explained.
Being a woman of faith, she prayed for guidance.
“My prayer was, ‘I don’t mind dying if that’s what’s in the plan. But please, God, keep me out of the hands of the doctors.’ I just did not want to be in a hospital… And when I was praying this idea kept popping into my mind: ‘Maybe you should sing.'”
Maria was in her 40’s and had no musical background. At first, she couldn’t accept the idea of taking up singing during such a time of crisis.
“Where did that come from?” She remembers thinking. “It’s a stupid idea! It’s ridiculous!”
But, with the support of her friends and family, she started pursuing music anyway. She began to work with Alan Turry, a music therapist who accompanies his clients on piano during creative improvisation sessions.
A few months later, Maria’s doctor noticed that her cancer had not been spreading since her diagnosis. He told her that she should check in with him in another month. He was certain her lymphoma would become active shortly, but as long as it remained inactive, she wouldn’t have to start chemotherapy.
“I thought ‘This is a stay of execution.’ It felt like such a relief,” Maria described. Still, every month she had to return to the doctor’s office to find out if her lymphoma had become active.
“I was scared to death, I was like walking on egg shells all the time, just waiting for it to drop.”
Despite her fear, her cancer, and her busy work schedule, she continued to see Alan weekly. Their music-making allowed her to use musical improvisation to express and experience her emotions in a deeper way.
“I sing something and he plays something in response which takes that feeling to another level. And then I go to that other level, a deeper level. It’s about listening, and the listening is so profound. It’s a profound experience to have somebody really hear you… It’s a deep acceptance.”
Years passed, and all the while Maria’s lymphoma remained inactive. She began to speak and perform at music therapy conferences, sharing her story and the songs that she and Alan wrote together during her lessons.
She also became a regular at the Creative Center, a nonprofit that offers free art workshops as a way of promoting healing in people with cancer and chronic illnesses. What she didn’t realize was that she was slowly building the foundation for a completely new way of life.
In 2000, Maria decided that her creative projects required more time than her busy work schedule would allow, so she started working part-time. In 2005, she retired to focus fully on music, performance and writing. Now, over twenty years after her diagnosis, Maria remains dedicated to her art and her lymphoma has yet to become active. She sees her oncologist once every year to make sure she still doesn’t need treatment.
Did music therapy help Maria fight her lymphoma?
“There’s no way of knowing,” she says. “The music, the performing, trying to eat healthy, working out, my prayer life, feeling and expressing gratitude, trying to be more alert, more aware of the world around me… maybe all of that is contributing to this cancer staying in remission. Maybe it’s not. But this is what I can do. I have to keep doing all of this because this is how I got myself here. And then whatever the consequences are, I take them.”
Either way, Maria’s diagnosis was not the disaster she had feared. Instead, it opened her eyes to the intrinsic value of creativity.
“I think human beings love to be creative and they are. You can see it all around you. I ascribe very strongly to the basic premise of the Creative Center, that creative activity promotes healing, promotes well-being. You can do something good for the world by doing something good for yourself.”
Now she lives every day dedicated to her artistic development, wherever it might take her.
“My life has changed dramatically, and I have changed, by allowing myself to walk into this world called ‘Being a Creative Artist.’ And I hesitate to really use language like that because when I think of creative artists I think of the great singers. Nina Simone. Maria Callas. I’m not in that category, I’m never going to be in that category. It’s ok. I’m allowed to sing anyway.”
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