After spending 17 years in an underground bug bunker (plotting their takeover of the world, of course), a billions-strong horde of cicadas is making a comeback of biblical proportions!
The insects, which have been given the gang-like moniker “Brood-X,” are already causing mayhem in the eastern United States.
Here are 25 disgusting reasons why you’ll want to get the heck out of their way!
What does a pile two feet deep of #cicada look like you ask? #CicadaBroodX #CicadaWatch2021 pic.twitter.com/6uVffKq0CM
— MelissaScholesYoung (@mscholesyoung) May 24, 2021
1. They’re troublemakers times a trillion
Now that springtime is in the air lots of things are popping up from underground, but unfortunately, not all of them are pleasing. Leaves that move in the absence of wind would be one of them.
Fairfax, VA. This is intense. 2yo won’t play outside, he just stands in one spot and yells “I have cicada trouble!!!” 😱 @capitalweather pic.twitter.com/J2sSAN1SCD
— Bethany Adamec (@BethanyAdamec) May 20, 2021
2. They brainwash innocent little girls
When I was 3, we lived in Maryland during one of the BroodX emergences. And here I am, still excitedly collecting cicadas in the morning… I’m more gentle now than I was then, at least.
Cicadas are probably the reason I’m an entomologist.#cicadas #CicadaWatch2021 #cicadas2021 pic.twitter.com/Gwfzlz8uFk— Dr. Meaghan L. Pimsler (@PleaseBugMe) May 18, 2021
3. They could have stopped the pandemic, but didn’t
Here are at least 50 reasons why you shouldn’t walk out your front door. If only they had made an appearance in 2020 to save us!
Imagine for a second if these things had stingers… Corona in these states would be gone in two weeks.#cicadas #CoronavirusPandemic https://t.co/qIKYTv9xK4 pic.twitter.com/lNHocl678e
— Drew Miller (@TwinDadLifer) May 19, 2021
4. They make eerie casts of their dead bodies to haunt you
“Cicadas underneath of an old tarp that we pulled away.”
Not only did they make their own maze, but they also escaped from it. Question is, in what part of your house are they hiding out in now?
5. They rain down on us like it’s the Great Flood
They’ll even show you who’s boss by measuring themselves in terms of rainfall inches. And yes, they’re really that big!
Apparently we’re measuring rainfall by #cicadas now. pic.twitter.com/IiIH6KzJaB
— Bradon Long FOX43 (@bradonlongwx) May 24, 2021
6. They’ll force-feed you their own riff-raff
Who needs cicada prisons when they can just send the worst offenders straight into your mouth?
And no, @Tom Bilbo, there’s no fun and games in that!
It’s all fun and games until they start climbing up your neck
#BroodX #cicadas #CicadaWatch2021 #CicadaBroodX pic.twitter.com/JXXw2ID5BC
— Tom Bilbo (@tbilb) May 25, 2021
7. They make mountains out of molehills……after eating the moles
“Found this under an inflatable pool I bought last summer. Now it’s apparently a cicada nest. So 2021, I know.”
This is not the sort of free landscaping people want to see when they wake up in the morning.
8. They know how to cancel culture us out having any fun
At least they make it easy to stomp on them at the same time! It’s like stepping on a crunchy leaf…but squishier.
Cicada watch 2021: All outdoor runs are canceled until further notice <crunch, crunch, crunch> pic.twitter.com/vIDomKNPPI
— Liz Engel (@LizCinciBiz) May 24, 2021
9. They invite themselves over for dinner without asking
They’ll also eat any puppies that are unlucky enough to be sleeping on your doorstep. But hey, at least the grass gets mowed for free, right?
10. They ritually sacrifice trees…just because it’s in their way
Look closer – that’s not mulch around the base of the tree. Time to burn it to the ground and put it out of its misery!
Cicada content! Check out base of tree. #broodx #cicadas pic.twitter.com/7w9STedxxK
— KK Nichols (@KTKNichols) May 20, 2021
11. They’re not family-oriented
Cicadas are the new COVID, dutifully keeping families apart. After all, no one wants to risk being covered in creepy crawlies while making a mad dash for the car.
My Mom sent me this pic of the #cicadas at their house and i said I’d see them in July pic.twitter.com/Wlby95Typb
— Ange thee Pange (@ange_le_pange) May 25, 2021
12. They come straight out of a horror movie
The cicadas must have been hibernating the year Alfred Hitchcock made The Birds. Otherwise, he would have shifted the focus of his movie to these flying creatures.
I miss concerts, but it’s going to be a LOUD summer!#cicadas #CicadaWatch2021 #cicadapocalypse pic.twitter.com/DtP8Ek8v2i
— Johnny K (@ThatJohnnyKguy) May 22, 2021
13. They’ll repossess your car when you’re not looking
There are probably more of them hiding in the back seat waiting to kill you. Just like in a horror movie.
And they keep coming and coming #cicadas #cicadas2021 #CicadaBroodX @nbcwashington @dougkammerer #BroodX pic.twitter.com/Ms5jf9jNew
— NBCPhotog (@bforte22) May 23, 2021
14. They’ll decorate your yard with the bodies of their dead
Just add some string lights and a Santa hat, and it’ll be perfect. Brood-X Christmas trees are the next big thing!
Brood X Art pic.twitter.com/mmVvPZMAn3
— Louie Prestigiacomo (@jockamo3) May 20, 2021
15. They’re bigger than raisins
They’re also plumper and juicer than one, too. Every reason to cover them in chocolate and make some money selling them as delicacies!
16. The dumb ones will try to hump your leg
It’ll remind you of the good old days when you thought your dog was a nuisance. At least this confused little one will die off before he manages to make any offspring.
Nope I’m not your type #cicadas #cicada #cicadasafari #TheyAreHere pic.twitter.com/InfVhosNIk
— Priscilla Huff (@phuffdaddy) May 19, 2021
17. Their red eyes will hypnotize you into doing their bidding
You’ll be under their spell until the day they die, so you better get used to feeding them puppies and babies.
“When cicadas die the red color fades from their eyes, like they’re little robots who have lost power.”
18. They leave behind perfectly-formed husks of themselves as reminders that they’re scary
You’ll probably want to scratch out your eyeballs if you ever happen to see one giving birth to itself. Sadly, you can never unsee it.
19. They’ll spoil your outdoor BBQ parties
At least the bug netting held up. Otherwise, you’ll probably reminisce about the days when bees were the only things hiding in your can of Pepsi.
@ilanaahh:
“Cloudy with a chance of a billion #cicadas. Not #outdooreating”
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20. They’ll litter your garden with their alien exoskeletons
Can’t remember if crispy bug corpses count as compost? Here’s a better question – is that really something that we should ever WANT to know the answer to?
Can’t remember if exoskeletons count as brown or green waste in the compost 🤔 #cicadas pic.twitter.com/Hi6C696WMX
— rae (@raehenig) May 21, 2021
21. They’ll tear through your fence for breakfast before having you for lunch
You’d be better equipped to fight off a horde of zombies than these guys. Better pack up and move out West where it’s safer.
22. They’ll make you go deaf with the sounds of mating
You know that loud buzzing sound they make? That would be the boys cat-calling the girls. After toiling away in a boring routine of tunneling and feeding beneath the soil, all they want to do is boink and make babies.
My backyard is cicada central. Literally thousands have emerged. Today’s decibel reading is a steady 62-64.#cicadas #cicadahotspot pic.twitter.com/eUigwu8f31
— Kristine Metter (@KristineMetter) May 23, 2021
23. Not even the shadow of Treebeard can scare them away
Sadly, the state of Maryland is no more. It’s been transformed into a Cicadaland theme park.
My dad sent me this photo from Maryland. Yes, those are all cicadas. Yes, I will not be coming home until they all go back underground. pic.twitter.com/zW3q9c50fl
— Sasha Jones (@aSashaJones) May 18, 2021
24. They’ll eat all your food and not even feel sorry about it
If you don’t like having protein with your salad, you’ll probably want to skip gardening for a while. Otherwise, you might accidentally eat something that’ll make you swear off food for the rest of your life.
On my walk to work this morning–there are more and more #cicadas! pic.twitter.com/FvWoFaBMc7
— Sylvia M. Burwell (@SylviaBurwell) May 20, 2021
25. Meet our savior!
Wait… you mean there’s such a thing as squirrels eating cicadas? Thank you little master for viciously snacking your way to our everlasting salvation!
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Learn more about these creepy crawlers in the video below!
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