A lot of white people have black friends, but being the only black person in a group of white people isnโt all itโs cracked up to be. There are a lot of things going on in our world that make being black harder than most white people will ever understand.
Black people are often expected to act a certain way.
Most white people donโt realize how hard it is to be the black friend. One man finally decided to explain what itโs like to be black. In fact, he came up with seven things that white people should know about their black friends.
โ1. Youโre going to have to get uncomfortable.
โIt could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as โbenignโ as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, youโre going to have to speak up. Youโre going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.
โ2. Your black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesnโt want to appear to be that โangry black man.โ
โโHe knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins,โ Passmore says.
โ3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.
โWe donโt like it, but one small choice โ like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box โ can be the difference between life and death.
โ4. โYour black friend wishes youโd play more than Beyoncรฉ. There are more black performers than Beyoncรฉ.โ
โโLemonadeโ was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to black music and black art than Beyoncรฉ. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.
โ5. Speaking of which, performative blackness is really uncomfortable.
โWhen you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your โblaccentโ when youโre around me or other black people, it hurts. Itโs not cute or charming, and it definitely doesnโt make you seem cool.
โOur culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We donโt get to be black only when it suits us. Neither do you.
โ6. โYour black friend feels like a man without a country.โ
โHaving white friends and seeming to โfit inโ with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too โwhiteโ for black people, and too โblackโ for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, โHe is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it.โ
โ7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, thatโs impossible.
โOur concerns are urgent and real. Weโre getting subpar health care. Weโre disenfranchised. Weโre over-policed. Weโre thrown in jail. Weโre killed by people sworn to protect us. Itโs exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So, do you. We canโt be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.โ
No matter what color you are, being the only person of a certain race in a group of people can be difficult.
It is important for everyone to put themselves in the other personโs shoes and think about how they would feel if they were in that situation. Maybe this guyโs advice will help other friendships between people of different races become stronger.
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