A lot of white people have black friends, but being the only black person in a group of white people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There are a lot of things going on in our world that make being black harder than most white people will ever understand.
Black people are often expected to act a certain way.
Most white people don’t realize how hard it is to be the black friend. One man finally decided to explain what it’s like to be black. In fact, he came up with seven things that white people should know about their black friends.
“1. You’re going to have to get uncomfortable.
“It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as ‘benign’ as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you’re going to have to speak up. You’re going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.
“2. Your black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn’t want to appear to be that ‘angry black man.’
“‘He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins,’ Passmore says.
“3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.
“We don’t like it, but one small choice — like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box — can be the difference between life and death.
“4. ‘Your black friend wishes you’d play more than Beyoncé. There are more black performers than Beyoncé.’
“‘Lemonade’ was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to black music and black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.
“5. Speaking of which, performative blackness is really uncomfortable.
“When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your ‘blaccent’ when you’re around me or other black people, it hurts. It’s not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn’t make you seem cool.
“Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don’t get to be black only when it suits us. Neither do you.
“6. ‘Your black friend feels like a man without a country.’
“Having white friends and seeming to ‘fit in’ with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too ‘white’ for black people, and too ‘black’ for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, ‘He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it.’
“7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that’s impossible.
“Our concerns are urgent and real. We’re getting subpar health care. We’re disenfranchised. We’re over-policed. We’re thrown in jail. We’re killed by people sworn to protect us. It’s exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So, do you. We can’t be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.”
No matter what color you are, being the only person of a certain race in a group of people can be difficult.
It is important for everyone to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and think about how they would feel if they were in that situation. Maybe this guy’s advice will help other friendships between people of different races become stronger.
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