Weโve all wondered what exactly goes on in Scotland. Whether itโs the idea of a magical place filled with luscious terrain, or a hellscape with deranged druggies who wander the streets like Night of The Living Dead, there is some image thatโs been made about Scotland in your mind.
Weโre here to share with you the information coming straight from the horseโs mouth. These 75 posts coming from native Scottish folk are sure to entice you in every sense of the word. Prepare for utter vulgarity as itโs pretty common knowledge to know that Scottish people do not hold back. Sit back, pour some Scotch, and get ready for a ridiculously hilarious ride.
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Henri Sivonen
1) Pulling Off A Stunt
Well, that was straight-up brutal. Hopefully, the kid isnโt too hurt by such comments. It seems dad was already in a pissy attitude at the mere mention of โchicken pie for dinnerโ, so it wasnโt that surprising that we got a truth bomb exploded right in our faces.
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Twitter/magnoliaspagbolia
2) Hoover Hurray
Nevermind the occasion. The fact that he got a vacuum at bongos bingo setting is truly a ridiculous notion. Thereโs one lucky contestant that got his prize money and walked away with a great big smile.
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Twitter/i124nk8
3) Blasphemous Bacon
Now, while this may seem trivial to some cultures, it is utter disrespect to those of the Islamic faith. The last part is what had us scratching our heads to some utter craziness. How did nobody catch this lunatic on the street waving a machete?
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Twitter/crazybanditt
4) Fancy That
We wonโt go into detail about what a โfannyโ is, but letโs just say itโs not something very nice to say. Nothing new here since, After all, the Scots donโt bring a filter to their conversations. Weโll also appreciate the honesty in this personโs behavior that night
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Reddit/gregofdeath
5) Slow Your Wifi
Apparently wifi now has the ability to remotely slow down a bus. At least thatโs what this streetside homeless person claims. Never a dull moment when youโre around Scottish people.
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Reddit/lumsgame
6) The Playbook
A page from this personโs playbook wouldโve been useful back in the day. Props for using math and allocating proper resources, but it was all in vain since the alcohol definitely killed some of this personโs neurons. This isnโt very surprising since Scotts do like their alcohol.
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Reddit/lumsgame
7) Catch Me If You Can
Things happen all the time and an ostrich on the loose in Ayrshire is no exception. You better have a fast pair of legs to catch this speed demon. Too bad theyโre virtually impossible to catch on land since they can reach speeds of up to 60 mph. Unless youโre Scottish and have a fifth of alcohol ready to go!
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Reddit/packet_tracer
8) Spotting The Tweet
Whether Scottish tweets have the style of trainspotting is yet to be seen. Our laughter just confirms that we wouldnโt change it for anything. Keep bringing more moments of humor Scottish people!
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Reddit/OneAppleBoi
9) Jeez Lou Yeezy
One thing the Scots are known for is their smack talk. If thereโs one group of people you donโt want to get into a verbal spat with, itโs probably them. Even Yeezy can get in the line of fire for something totally unrelated to his line of shoes.
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Reddit/jacquetpotato
10) Accentuate The Accent
Scottish trying to do a Scottish accent? Sounds about right. Just donโt overdo it or you might never be able to undo your accent in normal conversations ever again.
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Reddit/Tartantwin
11) Tada!
Did we mention Scots know how to bring on the fire? If you canโt take the heat, itโs best to get out of the kitchen. Just donโt piss them off as theyโll bring anyone (including Houdini) to the conversation.
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Reddit/RiCriostaoir
12) Flowers For Granny
Awkard moments leave a dry taste in the mouth. This one was nothing short of bitter and definitely not sweet. Hopefully, the little boy wasnโt too offended since the comment came at him with good intentions.
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Reddit/ThaneOfMordor
13) High Beam Steam
Beeping at someone on the road might be the equivalent of trying to start something. It can really perturb someone if they donโt expect it coming their way. Just take a look at this beep reaction. Not a very happy camper indeed.
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Reddit/_a_fish578578
14) Honorable Urinal
The Scots donโt play when it comes to giving respect. Itโs in the history and context of actions worth noticeable, even if its based on the humble beginnings of a urinal. Donโt forget to pay those that came before the proper respect they deserve.
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Reddit/Surfer__dude69
15) Routine Potty Trip
Itโs important to build structure and order with your dog. Even if it means wearing an entire neon lime outfit and look obnoxious. Scotts will do anything to make sure theyโre enjoying their day no matter the outfit or look they have about them.
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Reddit/oLjMa
16) Chef Curry
Not sure where the enthusiasm in the humor comes in, but weโll take that. A meal that is microwaved is obviously going to be a hot one, but for Scottish people, anything is hot as long as it goes through the appliance. A real jokester this guy is.
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Reddit/Adnaan2513
17) For The Birds
This A and B conversation definitely had a third wheel. Animals have the survival instincts and intuition to communicate in some odd form. Not sure what this Scottish person was thinking.
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Reddit/indiebuster
18) Spread Your Wings
If werewolves exist in London, then were-bats might be a thing in Scotland. Youโll be amazed at all the gothic creatures that come out at night in the streets of the once Celtic area. Keep your wits about you while you tread in Scotland!
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Reddit/ElPedro4bez
19) Translation Please?
Sometimes it takes serious translation work to get through heavy Scottish slang. This is definitely one of those moments. A public service announcement to all Scottish folk: try to make it easier on us next time!
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Reddit/_Ayd_
20) Merry Bleeping* Christmas
Profanity is part of the normal vernacular when it comes to Scottish tradition. Nothing says it more bluntly and directly than a few expletives for added dramatization. Donโt take it offensively next time a Scot decides to toss a bad word out for no reason whatsoever.
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Reddit/SappeninBitton
21) Pet Relations
The string of family relatives involved in this post is enough to make you scratch your head. However these pups relate, itโs good to know they hold a prominent position in the family. Taking care of dogs and incorporating them into the family has always been a great trait of many Scottish families around the world.
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Reddit/UnemployedAndUnfunny
22) Hedgehog Hedgefund
Donโt be afraid to crack open a pack of hedgehogs. Only, make sure to finish your pack and not leave one behind like this one here. Scottish people will just scoff at you and make a funny joke about it without caring for animals rights
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Reddit/Ch00seUniqueUsername
23) Acid Trip
This is disturbing. Scotts are known for being experimental, but this is just anecdotal gold. The fact that it got to this point is telling of how open-minded Scottish society must be. Good luck getting all that bird information put to good use.
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Reddit/Adnaan2513
24) Bank On The Wank
Somehow this was a valid entry on a voting card. And even more surprising, it actually got counted! Things are definitely different across the bond over in the U.K. Letโs hope things on that end of the spectrum are doing better than in the United States.
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Reddit/_greenfire
25) The Grand Prize Goes To
This is just utter ridiculousness. Does this type of stuff happen often in Scotland? At least one person found some humor and responded with what could be the greatest use of a pun in the last decade.
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Reddit/llittleserie
26) Keep The Change
This Scot wasnโt down with the currency exchange rate. Who could blame him? A scoop of ice cream should not be worth 10 euros unless its the greatest scoop of ice cream in the world.
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Reddit/That_Naked_Guy
27) Speaking For Equality
As harsh as it may sound, J.K. Rowling deserves some flack for her controversial comments. Itโs best to leave it out in public so that way the message can resonate stronger. Leave it to the Scottish for a proper roasting worth reading.
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Reddit/swordsnarrows
28) Nice People
There are many nice things one could say about the U.K. , but Scotland is definitely amongst the best. Or so this person believes. Based off of the multitude of bad words that get strung into a sentence, weโd like to think this person is right.
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Reddit/madmentaldental
29) COVID-Proof
Not even a viral epidemic can handle going toe-to-toe against a person from Scotland. Theyโre mean, lean, and ready to handle anything. Just try and see what happens COVID!
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u/saltireblack
30) Represent Fashion
Whoever said Scottish people donโt have a good sense of fashion? Clearly, they are mistaken since they do try to keep up with the latest fashion. Donโt listen to all of that outside noise if it doesnt back up the talk.
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Reddit/Adnaan2513
31) Vegan Service
Keeping it simple has a new meaning for vegans in Scotland. Talk about getting the right meal with a Mars bar and croissant. At least this person has the option of no meat. Some places in America canโt guarantee that luxury.
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Reddit/lemonreciever
32) Global Achievement
Recognizing a crisper eater as a champion is a thing of prestige amongst the Scottish. It should be noted since they are quite tasty and great for competition. Not quite the Nathanโs Hot Dog contest, but it will have to do for now.
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Reddit/iblametheparents86
33) Independence Day
The comparison is actually hilarious. Scottish people are all about the liberties granted to the common folk. They yearn to live a life out of enslavement and are prepared to do just that when it comes to intimate relations.
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Reddit/PrawnTheMcJuicer
34) Read Closely
Not sure what this person meant by the chippie menu, but we can imagine it would be something hard to read. Again, nobody is safe from the Scottish roasting line of fire. Not even ex first lady Melania Trump.
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Reddit/GTSpaceman
35) Pizza oโ Clock
Little details are irrelevant to some Scottish people. Checkout this clock that was replaced by a pizza. The fact that his mom couldnโt tell the difference makes the joke even more funny.
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Reddit/_Ayd_
36) Twin Time
Way to state the obvious. We wonder why the twin dilemma was even mentioned in the first place. Something things you canโt reason with in Scotland.
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Reddit/Kyleg_67
37) Not All Is What It Seems
Whatever pictures of Scotland you have, get it out of your hand. Itโs a land of potty mouths and alcohol drinkers galore. Sunshines and rainbows are a thing of fairy tales, not Scotland.
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Reddit/TrolleybusGus
38) Gold Everything
Some people prefer to keep the best tools hidden for the right time. This barber was ready to pull out his best equipment and it was too much for his client to handle. Quality over quantity is the name of the game with this Scottish person.
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Reddit/scottishbean
39) No Goths Allowed
Freedom of expression and embrace of different people is huge in Scotland. Nobody truly cares where youโre from as long as youโre respectful and can have a good time. Just be careful not to piss off that one random Scottish person on the street.
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Reddit/robomac___
40) Scottish Super Bowl
A sports event for the ages. Is it possible to even dream something like this? One can never be limited on such things.
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Reddit/skaschmidt
41) McDonaldโs ER
No truer words have ever been spoken. It took all this time for a Scottish person to come out and say what needed to be said for a long time. Now to compare this to a person in their death bed is simplyโฆdark and eery.
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Reddit/itdontblikethat
42) Foreign Invasion
The term immigrant here is meant to be derogatory, but donโt let it offend you. By now you should know that Scottish people donโt mean to offend. Thatโs just in their nature to be this blunt and direct.
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Reddit/enkafan
43) Momma Jokes
Momma jokes are included in the package. Scottish people will fire at anyone if theyโre given the chance to. Youโre sure to at least have a laugh when it comes to their snappy comebacks.
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Reddit/fraggle-stick-car
44) Radio TV
No signal isnโt a bad signal. Especially when you have a satellite on your roof that doesnโt do much. Quit the tv and maybe put on the radio for a better sense of entertainment.
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Reddit/lumsgame
45) What In Tarnations
This one has left us without words. Itโs not common to find something as unabashfully blunt these days. Leave it to the Scottish to make things this direct.
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Reddit/saltireblack
46) Election Corruption
The Scottish are willing to even put their relatives on the line when it comes to their ideals. Just check out this sonโs plan to sabotage his dad on the election. Truly maddening what some people can think of.
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Reddit/RedDogBoyMark
47) Hotland 911
Talk about bipolar weather. Scotland is known to have bitter winters as well as sweltering summers. A land of the extreme in every sense of the word.
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Reddit/MartiniLang
48) Onesie From Hell
If this was your mom, you would be scared too. Why anyone would do this is beyond us. It does really look like someone really wanted to go to the other side.
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Reddit/SappeninBitton
49) No Shame In Shagginโ
Savage is the operative word for this person. They knew exactly how to respond after getting a raspberry blown at her. If that was the first offense in years, we couldnโt imagine the last time someone ticked this person off.
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Reddit/EarballsofMemeland
50) Taxation and Fair Representation
This speaks volumes about the current political atmosphere in the U.K. While some are for, most are opposed to the Brexit strategy. The post captures perfectly how most Scottish folks are feeling about the current status quo of the nation.
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Reddit/Jordandenholm
51) Pika Pika
Never has Pikachu been called a unit weโre sure. The Scottish sure do have a way with words. If unit is supposed to mean fat, then how do they refer to any standard of measurement?
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Reddit/Spollyy
52) Year To Year
Growing up takes time. These ladies sure took it slow and ripened into savory alcoholic grapes. In true Scottish fashion, this is how to party.
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Reddit/spicerldn
53) Pie Rate
The Scottish have an interesting curiousity towards the Caribbean. Especially when it comes to the food. This person made sure to relay the information to their fellow compatriots.
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Reddit/MlgMonday
54) Finishing Strong
Lightning McQueen never could have imagined a Queen Elizabeth comparison. Sarcasm is every Scottish personโs hidden language. It takes a shot at anyone and anything, including the Queen.
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Reddit/seanbear
55) Scottish Eggs
So weโre guessing eggs in Scotland also come in their own unique sizes? I guess Dinosaurs arenโt the only thing that comes with the island. Although a Jurassic park themed park with bagpipes sounds like a cool fun place to go during the summer.
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Reddit/CaptainWisconsin
56) Cat Revolution
For anyone interested in funny statitstics, here you go. Have fun figuring out why this comparison was made in the first place. Donโt underestimate the Scots in this bout!
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Reddit/frozenslushies
57) Text Tragedy
Our sympathies to your cat whomever you are. Itโs a good thing your mate has a funny sense of humor about a truly sad situation. Itโs always good to have a Scottish friend around to ground you after some deep grieving.
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Reddit/madmentaldental
58) Locking The Lochness Monster
This is the perfect motivator for your kids to behave. Scare them with a little bit of mythical folklore to encourage good behavior. Whether it works or not, theyโre sure to have some dreams about the story depending on how you give it to them.
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Reddit/Caffo11
59) Daddy Issues
A hard foul against those whoโs dads is doing time. No mercy is the name of the game in Scottish banter. It must be tough to grow without a father, but at least having some sense of humor helps you get through the day.
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Reddit/jai-phi
60) Ideas Versus Reality
Bagpipes, skirts, and hills are what people typically think about Scotland. What we get in reality is much more different. Junkies are a common sight and dog walking is everyoneโs hobby.
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Reddit/sabriel330
61) Playing Macbeth
Early exits suck for characters wanting to extend their screenplay. This one was axed right from the get-go. Thatโs what happens when half of your progress has been a result of war and violence.
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Reddit/Hullandback
62) Barber Bestie
You trust your mom and your barber as the only trustworthy people on this planet. Whyโs that? Because a barber has the skills to flip your day in the most positive way.
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Reddit/fuckin_wayshegoes
63) Mannequin Management
At least it tries to portray an accurate picture. If you tried to imagine how you would look like a drunk and without a sense of cause, then just window shop a Scottish store like this one, and youโll see how. Grab your latest drunk slacks and drunk shirt today!
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Reddit/124nk8
64) Window To The Soul
Not quite, but you get the picture. This house is easily visible from the entrance and thereโs no way to hide the contents. People do live pretty freely in Scotland and this is just another example.
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Reddit/Gliesese
65) Council Of Rejection
It never hurts to ask. Even if you do get shut down. Try as he might, this person at least did what they could to bring a smile to a little girlโs face that day.
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Reddit/nekkoly
66) The Pandemic Aftermath
It isnโt a party without the Scottish. Leave it to them to create massacres in the name of social and political change. Itโs what we can expect after a year of the worst pandemic weโve seen in quite some time.
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Reddit/LightningLockhart
67) Follow Instructions
Brutally mashing commands leads nowhere. You have to have some order and steps to complete your project or idea. Just sometimes, what you had in mind may not have been the best course of action.
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Reddit/loudestlurker
68) ManBat
The Scottish Batman is probably a more drunk version of Bruce Wayne with a snarky attitude. He steers the streets clear of drug users and makes sure crime is cleaned up diligently. Donโt mind the gap in the language.
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Reddit/sarahthealien
69) Verbal Punishment
Ouch, talk about getting put down! Itโs no holds bar when it comes to arguing with a Scottish person. As a word of advice: you are likely to get burned.
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Reddit/SappeninBitton
70) Freedom Fighters
Freedom talk is no joke to the Scots. Theyโll draw the line when it comes to blabbing adult idiots who donโt care about the preservation of human life. Thatโs whatโs called being a true protector of human values.
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Reddit/@masiavelli
71) Otter Than That
Otters on a currency? Who else but the Scottish! Thatโs appealing enough to want to get a note just for memorabilia.
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Reddit/SmilodonTeeth
72) Painfully Confident
Anyway the Scottish can get encouragement they will proceed. Even if its pretending to get pricked by a cactus and making sounds. A little weird, but kind of a adorably sweet at the same time.
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Reddit/Nfaromellor
73) Mask On
Thatโs what we call upholding a responsible social contract. Were the words too stern? Yes, but this sort of thing requires that the person recognize the severity of the situation.
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Reddit/charlie_stuart
74) Remote Work
Loneliness is a common side effect of working from home. For a Scot, itโs just more time to come up with wittier trash talk. The amount of jokes and sarcastic tugs that have come out of Scotland this year must have been pure gold.
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Reddit/CrayRaysVaycay
75) On A Straight Rant
There was so much put together in this sentence that quite frankly we donโt know where to start. Everything but the kitchen sink was put on this verbal firing squad. Like we said before, the Scottish are definitely not afraid to speak their mind.
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Reddit/Ayd_
If these outrageous tweets have proven anything, itโs that you should never get into an argument with a Scot!
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