Whether or not you’re close to your dad, you probably grew up hearing him share some interesting advice. That advice ended up becoming a “Dad saying” in your house, something you and your siblings reminisce about in adulthood. It seems the moment a man becomes a father, he turns into a fountain of knowledge.
That’s not to say all dad advice (or dadvice, as the case may be) is created equal. Some of it’s great, imparting life lessons we’ll never forget. On the other hand, some of it’s terrible. Then you have advice that’s so weird you have to ask yourself what on earth was he thinking.
But for better or for worse, they’re our dads. And they come equipped from the moment of our birth with life lessons for us. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s quintessentially fatherly. And that’s what makes it “dadvice.”
If you wish you had wiser fatherly sayings in your life, never fear: the internet is here. These 75 pieces of dad advice are pure gold. That doesn’t mean they’re all good. But no matter if they’re great or bad, they’re undeniably memorable — and pretty hilarious.
1. Hurtful, but helpful
I’m guessing Dad didn’t intend to be rude — that is, he wasn’t trying to imply she was fat. He was just trying to tell his daughter what her priorities should be.
Well, that’s not technically what that means, and I don’t know if the cruise line would accept it. But realistically, who else is going to be coming to help you out at sea? Dad is thinking practically.
Dads can be naturally overprotective of their children, especially as they reach the dating age. But punching at a middle school dance might cause a scene.
It’s just like a dad to compare love to bodily functions. But, like most fatherly advice, even though it’s disgusting, there’s also got an element of truth to it.
Some people just have “That Face,” the one that makes people tell them about their problems. Dad’s all about taking opportunities that present themselves. And we can’t exactly blame him.
Starting a new job can be nerve-wracking. Luckily, Dad supplied a vote of confidence. Or rather, he made his child doubt their intelligence for the rest of their life.
7. Well, there go my dreams of holding theater curtains down
Every dad has a saying heard by their kids a million times while growing up, but it still never made sense. This is one of those. The meaning is clear, but…a sandbag?
Dads have a unique ability to make serious points but in a way that’s funny. This advice is extremely important — and he gave it in such a way that his child will never forget.
Sometimes, you think your dad’s going to get mad but he surprises you by taking everything in stride. Not only did this dad react calmly, but he also gave some practical advice.
Our parents raised us to think that random strangers would offer us drugs in dark alleyways. The reality is no one does that because, as he says, drugs are expensive.
Scaremongering isn’t always the best way to get through to kids, but you can’t deny this leaves an impression. Seriously, people — just buckle your seatbelt.
We’ll never know the reasoning behind this father’s strange hatred of apples. Apparently, they’re the fruit of the common rabble and he considers himself above all that.
In drivers’ ed, they teach you about defensive driving. But what they don’t teach you is “creative” driving. Oh, wait, yes, they do — in the lesson about accidents and speeding offenses.
Either this dad was hoping to make his daughter smart by osmosis, thereby saving on college expenses, or he was hoping she’d marry a rich guy. Either way, you can’t fault him for thinking outside of the box.
Dads have a way of giving important life lessons in the weirdest and most awkward ways possible. I won’t deny these lessons are true, but I also don’t want to think about them too much.
Some kids aren’t naturally inclined to sports. Regardless, parents should support them. It seems sports ability wasn’t important to Jimmy Fallon’s dad. He just wanted to go home.
I don’t know how to start unpacking this one. Frankly, I have a few questions about how this advice was born. What prompted this pearl of wisdom — or do I even want to know?
If you’ve ever been to college, you know there are two things universal for students: they’re always hungry and rarely have money. In college, you take whatever free food you can find.
Older people often have an odd fixation of having their privacy violated. They’re very protective of their rights. But not using your turn signal is taking it way too far.
I feel like a good middle ground here would be to eat in moderation or wear sweatpants, but that wasn’t good enough for Dad. This begs the question: exactly how much was he eating?
I want to know if he gave any other context to this advice. I’m assuming his warning of “not to be the drunkest” was to save some embarrassment. Alas, we’ll never know the whole story.
This was spoken by a dad who didn’t brush his teeth often enough and had to pay for an absurd amount of dental care. At least, that’s what I’m assuming. You don’t forget those harsh life lessons.
When we were young, our fathers told us to speak to our mothers with respect. But with the changing of technology, the advice from our parents has to change, too. One day we’ll be saying, “Don’t make fun of your mom on the holograph.”
This piece of advice is pretty extreme. It’s definitely on a level above “He’ll put coal in your stocking.” New theory: Santa gets the coal from the houses he burns down.
Sure, it’s important to start a savings account. But ultimately, your money has to go somewhere. After all, you won’t be taking it with you at the end of your life.
You should never swerve to avoid hitting an animal — at least not a small one, like a squirrel. But I get the feeling Dad got himself mixed up between trees and people.
In general, it’s a good idea to avoid smoking — even though not everyone who smokes gets cancer. But this dad’s ideas of responsible consumption might be a little bit off-base.
Babyproofing is a never-ending task, and some kids seem determined to find every tiny object in the house. Where did they find that little screw? You’ll never know.
A better lesson might be to avoid going around naked under a bathrobe, but we’ll give it to him. It could save you a lot of future embarrassment — and it seems as though Dad is speaking from experience.
This is yet another one of those pieces of advice that must’ve come from real-world experience. I feel as though it shouldn’t need to be said, but that’s where we are.
Siblings fight about the strangest things, including flatulence. But parents don’t usually encourage them to blame their farts on one another. How about just saying “Excuse me?”
Something tells me this father-in-law had a bad experience with expensive chicken. Either that or he’s a cheapskate and takes unregulated chicken prices very personally.
The way Dad worded this advice makes me think he was tired of listening to his kids’ complain. He’d rather they commit a murder than subject him to those annoying people by proxy.
Plenty of dads have some version of this, maybe “rub some dirt on it” or “walk it off.” It’s all the same way of saying: “You’re going to get over it because I don’t want to take you to the hospital.”
Beer does tend to go through your system much faster than most alcohol. But I’m not sure what Dad’s trying to say here — maybe “Go to the bathroom before you get in the car”?
The biggest problem with this “solution” — besides the fact that it doesn’t satisfy thirst — is that you produce less saliva as you get more dehydrated. Dad needs to read a science book before doing that victory dance.
Something tells me that Dad thought long and hard about the way he wanted to give this advice. He settled for a particularly elegant way and seemed pretty proud of it.
Why do I get the feeling Dad is still bitter about that $200 he lost to the neighbor Tim back in 2003? Sometimes, dad advice comes from a dark past. You might want to ask some questions.
Okay, this is funny to laugh at from afar. But in all seriousness, this is an excellent way to get yourself killed. A riptide isn’t the best way to test your swimming strength.
At least Dad isn’t concerned about his son marrying a divorced woman. He doesn’t care about baggage — in fact, he thinks it comes with quite a few perks. Talk about putting a positive spin on things.
In case you didn’t know, that acronym stands for “The Fault in Our Stars,” which is a real tearjerker. And honestly…this isn’t the worst advice in the world. John Green would approve.
Every parent wants their kid to be good — at least, for the most part. But this dad knew his daughter wasn’t always going to behave, so his advice had a Part II.
Ah, dads, the kings of telling their kids they’re fine so they avoid going to the doctor. To be fair, this seems like an obvious solution to the problem.
In this dad’s defense, that’s the first rule of getting poison ivy or poison oak. But he left out quite a few more helpful solutions…like calamine lotion.
Dads are great at finding the most disturbing or disgusting ways of imparting great life advice. This is just the slightly grosser way of saying, “Don’t treat people badly because you might need their help one day.”
Forget telling your kids their fingers will look like prunes. This dad had a more extreme saying that probably spoiled swimming for his kids for the rest of their lives.
Good old Dad, giving advice as colorful as possible. It’s good advice, but it might not be the best to share in polite company. Keep it between dad and son.
I’ll be honest: I’ve read through this at least five times and still don’t understand the phrases “alligator mouth” and “parakeet ass.” But his message is clear.
Do people exist who wash their entire body by rubbing a bar of soap directly on their skin? I guess this is good advice if you’re going to do that, but for the love, people, use a loofah.
This dad seems to get it: you can be extremely intelligent and still be terrible at taking exams. When that happens — and it happens to all of us — it’s up to you to fudge your way through as best you can.
Most dads try to encourage their kids through their troubles, but this one wasn’t pulling any punches. I sincerely hope he was using a bit of ill-timed dark humor.
I feel as though there should’ve been a second part to this lesson that said: “Also, don’t go to hookers.” Someone, please tell me there was a second part.
This is a popular urban legend that just doesn’t seem to die. Dear Dad and everyone: no, they won’t let you die just to get your organs nor will they take them while you’re alive.
I’m sure there’s wisdom somewhere in this confusing Dad saying. Is he saying that picking your nose is preferable to having friends? Or is he saying you should be able to wipe your friends on the couch?
Most parents make sure their children know all about strangers, but this dad had a different bit of advice. Hopefully, he said it when his kids were old enough to understand it was a joke.
Sure, it’s important to be cautious when you’re dating, especially if you’re meeting through a dating app or website. This might be overkill. But I don’t think he cares.
Not only is this advice completely illogical, but it’s also extremely unsafe. If he ascribes to this, I wonder how many speeding tickets he’s gotten in his life.
This might be an appealing thought for little boys, but not so much for little girls. You might be scaring your daughter off from eating anything green for fear of turning into a hairy monster.
If you’re okay with everyone thinking you’re an idiot, this is some life-changing advice. It could be a one-way ticket that allows you to sit on the couch for the rest of your days.
Forget your MLM cure-all essential oils, Karen. This dad knows exactly which oils are essential to his needs, and they don’t include eucalyptus, sage, or lavender.
In many public campsites, it’s illegal to consume alcohol. That helps cut back on irresponsible behavior, waste, and excess noise. But Dad doesn’t care — he wants to make sure his daughter parties it up.
Some dads are optimists, telling their kids to shoot for the stars. This dad has a much more negative view of — well, everything. I guess a dose of reality can be healthy.
We don’t know where this family lived, but it sounds as though they might’ve been in a place where hurricanes or tornadoes are common. But Dad wasn’t worried about his family — he wanted to save his guitars.
At first, this reads as a warning to always take responsibility for your mistakes, which is mature advice. But the second line is a real kicker. Sorry, Patrick.
This is a rather harsh way to teach your kids that wishes don’t always come true. In true Dad form, he managed to find the most visceral way to say it.
In general, running from the police is a bad idea. It’ll lead to some difficult questions, even if you’re innocent. Something tells me Dad’s speaking from personal experience.
75 times dads dished out the most hilarious pieces of advice
Cedric Jackson
02.19.20
Whether or not you’re close to your dad, you probably grew up hearing him share some interesting advice. That advice ended up becoming a “Dad saying” in your house, something you and your siblings reminisce about in adulthood. It seems the moment a man becomes a father, he turns into a fountain of knowledge.
That’s not to say all dad advice (or dadvice, as the case may be) is created equal. Some of it’s great, imparting life lessons we’ll never forget. On the other hand, some of it’s terrible. Then you have advice that’s so weird you have to ask yourself what on earth was he thinking.
But for better or for worse, they’re our dads. And they come equipped from the moment of our birth with life lessons for us. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s quintessentially fatherly. And that’s what makes it “dadvice.”
If you wish you had wiser fatherly sayings in your life, never fear: the internet is here. These 75 pieces of dad advice are pure gold. That doesn’t mean they’re all good. But no matter if they’re great or bad, they’re undeniably memorable — and pretty hilarious.
