Deciding to get married is definitely not an easy decision to make. It includes the careful selection of who you want to be with for the rest of your life, and if it’s this big of a deal, you might want to give it tons of thought and consideration.
To give you a concrete idea of what married life actually looks like, we have compiled 75 funny tweets about it that will make you roll on the floor laughing! These tweets are will surely let you see that marriage can be full of fun, too!
1. Speechless
Once you get married, you will soon realize that the person you exchanged vows with is not as mature as you’d expect them to be. You’d be surprised to see that your spouse also has a child in them, just like yourself, and accepting this side of them is part of the package.
2. Spouse has your back
Marriage is a lifetime partnership, and when you have kids, your main support system is your spouse. One of the challenges of parenting is when you go out in public with your little ones. Luckily, your spouse always has your back.
3. Spending money on stupid things
When it comes to marriage, one of the things that spouses need to agree on is the way they spend their money. You may agree on most of the things that you buy, but sometimes, there can be really weird exceptions, and you just gotta accept them.
4. Fridge magnet wars
Living under one roof can spark a lot of arguments, especially if you are just starting your life together. This couple hit a new milestone when they found a new way for them to argue: through fridge magnets!
5. Not his turn to use the brain yet
They say that the way women think is totally different from how a man thinks, and it seems like all men think the same way! This tweet only proves that men admit to being guilty of this accusation.
6. No need to write it down
Ladies, isn’t it frustrating when the husbands don’t bother to write your instructions for when they need to do something for you? They simply think they can remember everything! Only to find out later that they did not get anything done after all.
7. This relationship status
Being in a marriage requires patience–a lot of it! When your wife asks you anything like what you want for dinner or where do you want to go for lunch, it is always best to let say the question abck and let them decide.
8. Sexy messages, married edition
When you get married, what used to be sexy messages evolve into witty comebacks that will leave you laughing out loud! This tweet surely had a sexy introduction that ended up into a reminder of doing your part in house chores.
9. Who’s the boss again?
They say that to make a marriage successful, one needs to know how to compromise. By compromise, it means letting your wife get her way with things.
10. Use your eyes!
It’s just so frustrating when your spouse keeps on nagging you about something they’ve lost only to find out that the very thing they’re looking for is just in plain sight! Can you please use those eyes of yours?
11. I’m stuffed…not.
It’s just so annoying when your spouse says one thing then contradicts themselves the next minute! They can’t make up their minds, and you can’t decide whether to hate them or laugh at them.
12. Heavy sarcasm
As we grow older, we eventually learn the art of sarcasm. Apparently, this skill is useful when you become married, too. Sometimes, you just need to tell things ironically to make a better impact.
13. White lies
Honesty is always the best policy, and this is most useful when it comes to marriage. However, it can’t be helped if you say a little white lie from time to time.
14. Nothing beats the pain of childbirth
The truth is this: nothing beats the pain of childbirth. It is so painful and tough that even if you’re in a full-body cast because of an accident, it will still not be enough to beat it! If you think otherwise, then I suggest that you prepare to argue with a proud mother.
15. Were you fired?
Sometimes, our spouses react in the weirdest of ways, and we can’t help but find their unusual reactions hilarious! Just like this guy who comes home early to surprise his wife only to be surprised with her reaction.
16. She says it all
Later on, in your married life, you will come to learn that sometimes, you just have to let your spouse do the talking. Believe me, it’s for the best.
17. Just like you
There can be moments when you will ask yourself how you ever ended up being married to the person you call your husband or wife. But, behind all the weirdness and stuff, you know in the end that you love them and that’s all that matters.
18. Lesson learned only in marriage
In marriage, you learn a lot of life lessons that may seem basic back when you were still single. You will be surprised how a simple question of “what do you want to watch” can lead to hours of discussion and even a full-blown argument!
19. Another lesson in life
Marriage teaches you a lot of things. One of these is knowing the difference between what you need and what you don’t need, just like in this husband’s case where he learned that he does not really need to use more paper towels because they are not that cheap.
20. Like a talk show
Married couples sometimes feel like they are in a talk show! Why? Because they can sometimes go for hours on end just to “talk” about things in their life that they want to resolve. And mind you, these things don’t necessarily have to be important.
21. The weirdest of issues
Couples can argue over the most trivial things. While a lot of people are talking about their views on politics, global warming, and overpopulation, spouses can talk for long hours over the simplest of things like toilet paper brands!
22. Just like coffee
Marriage has been compared to a lot of different things such as a tree, a deck of cards, or even a hot bath. Now, this tweet tells us that marriage is like coffee. This could be one of the most accurate descriptions, I must admit.
23. Counting the pounds
This is somehow true. When you get married, you get to eat a lot of home-cooked meals, and they add up to your waistline without you even realizing it!
24. Not in the wedding vows
When your spouse tells you to do something you don’t really want to do, you can sometimes think back and recall if this is still part of what you signed up for? Apparently, everything you do now is part of the package.
25. Just don’t say it.
When your wife gives you the death glare, it’s probably best for you to just shut up. You simply can’t afford it when she loses her temper because you said the wrong words.
26. Seductive clothes redefined
When you get married and have kids, your idea of seductive clothing changes from lingerie to clean shirts with matching fancy socks. Why? You can expect to have little to no clean shirts once you have a child of your own and you in a clean shirt can be the sexiest view your spouse will ever see.
27. Vacuuming
Doing your part of the house chores is one of the best gifts you can ever give to your wife. If you want to make her happy, better get your work done and vacuum your way to her good side.
28. Tons of commandments
It’s actually impressive how one woman can give a lot of instructions in keeping just a corner of your house. As her husband, you have to follow all that or else, you’ll find yourself in troubled waters.
29. That’s why she spends that much
Sometimes, husbands think they know everything, and feel like their wives tend to overreact at everything. Let’s take the number of groceries that wives buy as an example. Husbands think that wives spend more than they are supposed to when in fact, they are just trying to make sure that their husbands get enough food to eat!
30. Making a big deal out of the smallest things
This tweet tells a story about how a husband blows things out of proportion when it comes to the things that they do inside the house. Unloading a dishwasher is not even half of what the wives do in a single day! Just saying.
31. What turns you on
Being married for longer can be life-changing. At the beginning of your marriage, you find yourself turned on by a hot body and a sexy smile, the next moment you find spending time with your spouse in bed with only chocolates and a Tupperware catalog utterly stimulating. What happened?
32. A useful tip
To free yourself of the burden of thinking about what to have for dinner, you can make use of this tip and do the asking first! You’ll find yourself in safe waters and will not be blamed if the dinner choice is not as good as expected!
33. When you only shave in special occasions
Married couples grow more and more comfortable with each other over their years of being together. Later on, you would be so at ease that you won’t even feel the need to impress your lifetime partner anymore.
34. Just a tiny light and he complains
It’s just so frustrating when your spouse won’t let you do what you want because it makes them uncomfortable. What’s even more annoying is that they get irritated with the smallest of things and they just won’t let you have fun.
35. Full of surprises
Marriage is a journey that is definitely full of surprising things. Most of these surprises are composed of uncovering weird habits that you never expected from your husband or wife!
36. You won’t care anymore
One distinct sign that a married couple is very comfortable with each other is when they don’t care at all when they witness each other being as human and as raw as possible. If you can watch your spouse doing their business in the restroom without batting an eyelash, then you have hit that part of married life that you simply don’t care.
37. Choosing the couch
When you are already with the person you love for the rest of your life, you will find that spending time with each other while sitting on your favorite couch is more appealing than the need to go out and explore the world. It’s that, or both of you are simply lazy.
38. Marriage teaches you how to negotiate
Marriage may be about compromise, but before you get into one, you must first learn to negotiate. Once you get married, you’ll surely learn how to negotiate for everything you want in no time at all.
39. Who will take out the garbage today?
In a sense, marriage can be a battle of wills that takes place daily. Take the kitchen garbage as an example. Nobody wants to throw it out so both spouses just take turns in pushing the top of it until finally, one of them won’t have any more space to push in and eventually loses the battle.
40. Your number one fan
When you choose to marry someone, you become that person’s number one fan and supporter. Likewise, your beloved spouse becomes your personal cheerleader.
41. Marriage makes you sleep early
It may be a sign of aging, yes, but sleeping early beside the one you love is also a sign of contentment and relaxation. No matter how fancy your location may be, sleeping early and cuddling beside your spouse is always one of the best feelings you’ll ever have.
42. Useful tactics for the married man
Sometimes, you really need to have techniques so you won’t find yourself in trouble. Delivering bad news can be tough, so you better make this tweet an inspiration and learn how to do it the proper way next time.
43. Marriage makes it easier to know if something is disgusting
Being comfortable with each other is one sign that you and your spouse have learned to accept one another. One way to confirm this is if you can easily ask them whether something you do is disgusting and they simply tell you the truth.
44. Accepting your spouse’s fashion style
A crucial part of marriage is the acceptance that comes with it. And when you accept your spouse, you need to accept their fashion style too, no matter how dreadful their fashion sense may be.
45. Acknowledging body noises are a common thing
Married couples are very comfortable with each other that they don’t mind letting one another hear about the noises their bodies make. Nothing is too disgusting for a married couple who’s found comfort in each other’s presence.
46. Whatever you say, dear
Married couples know their partners so well. In fact, they know each other too much that every escape plan one makes, the other easily blocks.
47. Practical jokes
Getting married to someone also means putting up with their practical jokes. Sometimes it can be quite funny, other times it’s simply annoying.
48. The man in the house
You simply can’t win when a woman sets her mind onto something. You can be the man in the house, but she’s definitely the boss.
49. Covering up the fact that you did not listen
Although people know that they should listen to their spouse, they still want to do the opposite of what they are told because it’s fun. In the end, they get into trouble and end up covering up for their misdeeds.
50. Happy wife, happy life
Husbands, you simply have to give your wife the money she needs for shopping! It’s her right, you know. She juggles everything at the same time, and you simply need to make her happy because a happy wife means a happy life.
51. When your search history doesn’t lie
Wives know everything about their husbands. If you think you’re in the clear, you may want to think all over again because apparently, even your internet history is under scrutiny.
52. Waiting in the car for a lifetime
Okay, that’s a bit over the top but, yeah, marriage includes a lot of waiting in the car. It’s mostly because your wife needs another five minutes after getting inside the car and coming back to the passenger’s seat 30 minutes later.
53. It’s just me!
When you get married, things such as personal space and privacy cease to exist. Your spouse can even go and ask you the most inconsequential things while you’re taking a shower and honestly, you won’t even care that much because you also do that to him.
54. When you get used to having your instructions ignored altogether
Sometimes, married couples tend to spin the simplest of instructions into the craziest of things! This woman tweeted how she was supposed to do something about the groundhog under their deck, and she thought it was funny that he gave the animal a name and took note of his favorite food!
55. When you need to consider your priorities
This tweet is all of us! It’s when you care more about the delay in the movie you’re watching over the fact that your husband went out to investigate a strange noise and might possibly not come back safely. I really think you should consider your priorities better.
56. A little too dramatic
Now, this husband’s quite the dramatic one. Can you imagine doing this to your spouse?
57. A lot of life lessons in marriage
You will really learn a lot of life lessons when you get married. Apparently, there is always a right way of doing things and to avoid an argument, I strongly suggest that you keep all these life lessons in mind every single time.
58. She’s always mad at me
Couples argue over the silliest of things. To have a peaceful married life, just learn to accept each other’s silly side.
59. Tolerance is the key
Marriage life requires a lot of tolerance and heaps of patience! So, the next time your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night to show you another cat video, just be patient and let her be.
Marriage life requires a lot of tolerance and heaps of patience! So, the next time your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night to show you another cat video, just be patient and let her be.
60. It’s when you love your wife but you simply can’t give her your food
Marriage is all about sharing. However, this husband seems to have a bigger love for his favorite food than sharing it with his wife.
61. Bigger blankets
Marriage is all about two becoming one. Still, blankets should be bigger, and beds should be wider because sharing things can be quite a challenge. If you can have two remotes, then that’s even better!
62. Love and hate all rolled into one
When it comes to marriage, everything is not all about nice things and peaceful togetherness. There can be tough times, too. Your spouse is definitely someone that you love and hate at the same time, and it’s perfectly normal to feel that way.
63. Putting up a tent
Apparently, anything that husband and wife create need to be decided on carefully, and both parties should agree on how to proceed with everything. This tweet just made a great point when he wished pre-marriage counseling included building a tent because it can be a true source of an argument!
64. When your husband greets you
When men are left inside the house on their own, it can be expected that things may be out of order. No judgment here, but that’s what happens most of the time! If your husband greets you like the husband in this tweet, you better be prepared with what you’re about to see.
65. Getting a Fitbit just to prove a point
Sleeping beside someone can be difficult, especially if your spouse snores loudly! One wife got fed up when her husband won’t believe her when she tells him that he snores, so she decided to get a Fitbit just to prove that she was right.
66. Taking responsibility
It’s just so annoying when your spouse loves to play with your family pet when it is all clean and fresh, and immediately ditches the responsibility of keeping the animals clean once they get dirty. If you can’t keep your pets clean, don’t bother getting one at all!
67. Marrying Gaston
Gaston is the guy who wanted to get Belle’s attention in the Disney film “Beauty and the Beast”. There was one scene where he mentioned eating four dozens of eggs in the morning to keep his body fit and well-muscled. This woman found her husband and he turned out to be just like Gaston, her childhood dream boy!
68. Getting lucky tonight
When you get married, a lot of expressions become phrases that mean a whole new thing. For example, this tweet pointed out what “getting lucky tonight” really meant and it denoted nothing about a couple’s sexy time.
69. Excuses, excuses
Apparently, marriage also teaches a person how to make up excuses. Some excuses are too obvious and are too ridiculous you’d learn to just choose to ignore them after all.
70. Silent competition
You don’t say it, but you are well aware of how much the dog loves your spouse, and you simply want to compete with that. This also happens when you finally get to have children, and you ask your child who they love more without your spouse knowing.
71. Secretly watching HGTV
HGTV is just so addicting to watch! You may not admit it to yourself, but you know you can’t help sneaking a peek when your wife watches the channel all the time!
72. Passing the blame
Husbands, beware of this trick that your wives might pull on you. Investigate and don’t easily take the blame. That’s what you need to do.
73. You just can’t resist that home cooked meal
It’s definitely hard to stick to a diet if you always get the best home-cooked meals in town courtesy of your loving wife! Who cares if you gain a few pounds as long as you’re enjoying the hearty meals prepared for you.
74. Couples send the weirdest texts
When you have reached a level where you are totally comfortable with each other, every single thing under the sun becomes a topic that you are fine to discuss with. Take this couple who could not care less if they are sending each other messages about toilets!
75. Marriage counselor on line two
Apparently, assembling a crib can test even the strongest couple’s relationship. In cases like these, don’t we just wish a marriage counselor can be called in times of emergency?
There you have it! These tweets were quite entertaining, and most of all, they totally reflect the reality that married couples face each day. Married life may not always be full of romance, but it can definitely be full of fun and excitement!
Deciding to get married is definitely not an easy decision to make. It includes the careful selection of who you want to be with for the rest of your life, and if it’s this big of a deal, you might want to give it tons of thought and consideration.
To give you a concrete idea of what married life actually looks like, we have compiled 75 funny tweets about it that will make you roll on the floor laughing! These tweets are will surely let you see that marriage can be full of fun, too!