65 Hilarious Tweets from Kansas police

Having a sense of humor is crucial, especially these days, when the coronavirus pandemic is taking over the globe. We should be taking serious precaution since this situation is very real, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a laugh. In fact, laughing can be the one thing that really helps us get through this.

The Lawrence Police Department in Lawrence, KS knows this, as they recently took to Twitter to have some fun. It’s not a crime to have a positive look — even if you’re a cop — and they prove just that.

Turns out they’ve been making jokes for their 175k+ followers for quite some time now, so we compiled the funniest ones.

1. “Good boy, Cheeseburger”

“Yes, we are still responding to calls for service. Yes, we are taking precautions to avoid the spread of COVID-19 and yes, WHO says Cheeseburger can’t get it. Good boy, Cheeseburger, good boy,” the department wrote.

2. 1985 vs. 2020

In 1985, we thought that we’d have flying cars and time travel by now. Turns out we were very wrong… Oh well!

3. Laugh

They want you to know it’s good to stay home and socially distance during a pandemic… But it’s also good to laugh.

4. Is crime still banned?

Indefinitely, like everything else right now.

5. Wash your hands

According to these cops, it’s always a good time to wash your hands! But none of it matters if you don’t use soap and water.

6. Get ready

These cops are so comforting about this whole quarantine thing, they are even offering some good TV show recommendations!

7. Grocery hoarders

These cops don’t like grocery hoarders and they sure don’t like crime! Typical cops.

8. 20 tubes of disinfectant wipes

Now is that really necessary for a small apartment? This police department seems to think the answer is no.

9. Helpful COVID-19 info

We all know not to do these things (hopefully), and also crime. Yeah, don’t do that.

10. Wanted

Wanted: a dude with a neck beard and an open mouth. Probably buying lip balm.

11. You’re not doing it right

You washed your hands, but then you touched your germ-infested phone. These cops know you’re on their Twitter so you’re going to need to wash your hands again.

12. That’s a lot of ground beef

The cops see you hoarding. They want to know, are you hosting a community taco bar? If so, that violates the whole social distancing thing.

13. Toilet paper

You are buying too much and Lawrence Police see you.

14. Bank robbery

The way the department described this thief is, “probably less blurry in real life” and we think that is hilarious.

15. Icy roads

“The roads are gonna go the way of the Texans playoff hopes — initially clear and easy but degrading to icy and awful.” What a good burn.

16. Science lesson

Wow, we have never truly understood science until these cops put it so clearly.

17. “Please don’t shoot at the tornados”

Apparently that doesn’t work — who knew?

18. Wet roads

“Let’s all have a big don’t crash into each other party.”

19. Snow…

It’s everywhere. Or “e’rywhere,” as these guys say. Oh yeah, and it’s too cold to crime, so don’t.

20. It’s 2020

You have new year’s resolutions and so do “auto burglin jackwagons,” so make sure you’re still staying safe.

21. Fireworks or gunshots?

It’s really confusing, especially around New Year’s, but these men will always know the difference.

22. Things cheaper than a DUI…

This just might be the greatest (and most truthful) list of all time.

23. New spokesperson

Patrick Mahomes wants you to drive sober, or at least that’s what the Lawrence Police say!

24. Oh, Chad

A story we have heard far too many times. Silly Chad.

25. “This is my house”

No, actually, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru and unfortunately after the poor decisions you’ve made, you are not even getting any delicious fast food tonight.

26. The ending to the story

Yep, just like we said — Chad didn’t even get Wendy’s that night. So sad.

27. Cops enjoy fun pictures too

See, they can have fun. Hop in this maze to catch all the burglars!

28. Please don’t criminal on Christmas

The Lawrence Police just want to have a relaxing day at the office, maybe with some Christmas classic films and food. No sad crime. Is that too much to ask?

29. Perfect gift

Well, if you’re a cop at least.

30. Holiday concert

The cops thank you for coming to their holiday concert… And for not “criminaling.”

31. When the turkey’s ready…

Nothing’s better than some Thanksgiving jokes made by the Lawrence Police.

32. Practice for real winter

This is just pretend winter. Try to handle it.

33. “Birthday suits aren’t costumes”

Happy Halloween from the Lawrence Police. And check out this impressive little graphic they put together!

34. Their favorite part of the day

When people wonder why their car slid on ice… Hm, maybe because it is ice?

35. Physics lesson

First the cops give us a science lesson and now a physics lesson. Wow, we are learning so much.

36. Your Halloween mask

Yeah, it’s scary and all, but not a good look for when you’re entering a bank. Take it off before entering or you’ll scare the heck out of these guys!

37. 2020

AKA, the year of the sober driver, according to them.

38. Drive sober

These cops understand that you’re going to want to “Slam shots of fireball and pound glasses of Andre like it’s water,” but don’t!

39. Best parade of the year

While the parade is going on, the cops want to make sure that they don’t get yelled at. They’re just trying to “make sure Timmy and little Jane don’t get run over,” of course. “And Wilbur the horse.”

40. Thanks, Disney+!

Less crime for all!

41. One more physics lesson

Just in case you still weren’t sure, rubber does in fact slide on ice. Guess that makes sense!

42. Amazon gift cards?

…More like scams! Stop buying the gift cards! The police are using clapping emojis to really make that point clear.

43. Need a bail out?

Well unfortunately, iTunes gift cards won’t get you there. Neither will eBay gift certificates. Apparently, these cops see so much of that, they need to let you know via Twitter.

44. Roundabouts?

They are not that difficult, contrary to popular belief! These cops say they’ll create a graphic for you if you really need it.

45. Traffic is heavy…

…And also, no beer in the streets. A very important reminder from your local police.

46. Advice for incoming freshmen in college?

Yes, these men have several pieces of good advice. One important thing to know going in is that they know you’re dad is a lawyer, and they definitely don’t care! Ha.

47. Thinking about defacing property?

Well think again, because these cops don’t think that stop sign will look so cool hanging up in your dorm room.

48. And if you’re “pre-law”

Don’t start acting like you’re a lawyer and try to get your friends out of sticky situations. You’ll probably just get in trouble.

49. This weather is great…

Great for not getting into a car accident, that is. Is this how police tell the weather? We assume so.

50. Happy dorm move-in day

Unless you’re one of the people annoying the cops on twitter… Then not-so-happy day to you. They see you.

51. What is a J-Turn, you ask?

So glad you asked. The Lawrence Police actually took the time to map it out for everyone. Guess they were seeing far too many fake J-turns!

52. Battery citation?

Let’s avoid it! Protecting your family name at 1:45am at a bar isn’t really necessary. The police urge you to save your future self the stress.

53. One-way street signs

The police actually had to take to Twitter to let people know that street signs aren’t just a suggestion, but it’s against the law to disobey them. At least they have a good sense of humor about it.

54. More tips for college freshmen

Here’s a good one! Don’t sell weed out of your apartment. Woah, mind blown.

55. More advice for freshmen

Don’t give up all your personal information to a sketchy website just for a fake ID! Wow, who would have thought?

56. If you pass a school bus…

Don’t be rude. That is basically what these guys are saying and we are here for it.

57. Pop quiz

These cops have such a good sense of humor, they even run polls on their Twitter sometimes. Have to give them an A for effort.

58. Street signs

Apparently these are a bigger issue than we initially thought.

59. #DontDrown

Who know Lawrence Police Dept. had a water patrol?

60. Lock your car!

Lawrence Police are so funny, they even figured out a creative way to explain why it’s so important to lock your car. Their imaginations run wild!

61. Baseball cards

Yeah, these cops are adults. Who says they can’t still love baseball cards though?

62. Good taste

These cops have good taste in music. They are listening to Bazzi and Post Malone? They are officially cool in our book.

63. Fireworks are illegal

Thank you for coming to their TED Talk!

64. On Twitter?

Well stop… Because you’re driving! No phones while driving, and you can make sure Lawrence Police will always remind you of that.

65. It’s hot, but no

It’s hot outside. The police know you want an ice cream cone. That’s fine and all but please, don’t try to hold the cone — and your phone — all while trying to drive a car.

These tweets proved that the Lawrence Police absolutely have a great sense of humor, and we love them for it!

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Article Sources:

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