When people exchange their vows of marriage, they commit to a lifetime of love, support, and compassion โ even in the darkest of times. As significant others, you become a team. But sometimes? Your team member can be a total weirdo โ but thatโs why we love them.
Someone started a Reddit thread asking people to share the strangest things they learned about their significant other after moving in with them. And, of course, the responses came flooding in.
Here are 60 of the strangest and funniest things that people learned about their spouse after moving in with them.
These are just too funny.
1) Saucy dreams
โMy wife makes sex noises while she sleeps. Itโs super cute and very funny to me. I didnโt tell her about it until she went on a weekend trip with friends and she asked me about it after they said something,โ shared
SargeOsis.
2) Itโs a special talent
โMy wife is incapable of keeping track of small, important items (like her keys, wallet, or cell phone). If it can be lost, she
WILL lose it, usually for several days. Even after ten years of marriage, I am still amazed at her ability to do this,โ said
JXG_Art.
3) He turns into a savage
โHE EATS DEVILED EGGS WITH SUCH A FEROCITY. He will literally forget to take breaks in between eggs in order to breathe. โฆ heโll start fucking sweatingโฆ
My mother did not believe me so made some for him for Christmas and got to witness the horror first hand.
For context heโs a pretty fit dude who eats most of his meals normally,โ said Pheorach.
4) Trying not to get punched
โOccasionally my wife will sit straight up in bed, but she is dead asleep. The first couple times she did it I thought she was going to go to the bathroom or drink some water but she just sat there. I tried talking to her and when she didnโt respond I realized she was asleep. Horrifying.
Iโm used to it now, so I just rub her back and quietly tell her โLay down itโs time to sleep.โ and she will lay back down. Apparently she reflexively punched her ex in the eye once because he didnโt realize she was asleep and he woke her up. Pass. Not getting punched by you beautiful creepy wife,โ said dandelion_w_i_n_e.
Ah love.
5) So. Many. Shoes.
โHer shoes. Shoes in living room, shoes in the hall, shoes in the bathroom, shoes in the other bathroom, shoes under the kitchen table, shoes under the coffee table, shoes next to the coffee table, shoes in her trunk, shoes in my trunk. Shoes next to the bed, shoes under the bed, shoes on the bed. Shoes,โ shared
iHateMonkeysSObad.
6) Weird little quirk
โShe likes to walk around the house with one sock on and one sock off,โ posted
jeff_the_nurse.
7) Drumming to the beat
โHe likes to slap his booty when he gets out of the shower. He has a certain beat that he keeps and it is so very loud,โ posted
Rachel348.
8) This crazy person
โI was friends with my husband for 16 years before we got engaged and moved in togetherโฆโฆ I found out that he insists on sleeping fully clothed
Not likeโฆ.a T-shirt and pajama bottoms
In his friggin jeans, shirt, even shoes,โ shared Rigelian417.
9) How is this even possible?
โApparently my wife does not poop. We have been together for about 15 years and not once have I caught her crapping. Itโs disturbingly strange. Maybe sheโs an alien,โ
shared a Reddit user.
10) Just getting comfortable
โMy husband takes his shirt off to poop, Iโm not sure why,โ said
Zukazuk.
11) He cracks himself up
โHe rips paper towels in half and saves the other half. I collected them, wrapped them up, and gave them to him for Christmas. Yes, we used the other half, Iโm not a earth-killing savage.
He gets out of the shower, struts into the room naked, and says, โOK, gotta go to work.โ Like, weekly. Itโs funny every time, I think that is the actual weird thing,โ shared tattertittyhotdish.
12) A serious phobia of the dark
โSheโs afraid of the dark, not just like a random, dark, creepy, haunted-looking building but to the point where if she is alone she has to sleep with a night light or if the hallway is dark, she needs me to walk with her,โ said
liveandlearn256.
13) Hair is everywhere
14) Was he born in a barn?!
โMy boyfriend just moved in with me about a month ago and he cannot close a drawer to save his life, I swear every time he takes something out of a drawer he forgets that it doesnโt close on its own,โ said
dumbest.
15) The sleeping contortionist
โMy husband will fall asleep in the most awkward and uncomfortable positions. Like he will stay up on the couch playing a video game or watching TV while I go to bed. He will then fall asleep on the couch but not lying down or with his head on the back. He will contort himself into a human pretzel and sleep. And he has no idea why his back and neck are so messed up all the time,โ posted
breentee.
16) Is it so hard to put stuff away?
โIf heโs playing a video game, and only when he is playing a video game, he will come upstairs, make himself something to eat or drink, and run back downstairsโฆ the โweirdโ part is that half the time he forgets to put away some perishable ingredient, or just doesnโt put any of the food back period. This one time he left a whole gallon of milk out during a fucking snow storm. I bring up his weird habit when we get into petty arguments about cleaning the house and his response is always โOH MY GOD M4RCELINE IT HAPPENED ONE TIME!โ
It definitely did not happen just one time. The milk incident, yes, that was only once. But just last week he left out half of a (cooked) frozen pizza. Also, I always know when heโs been eating peanut butter waffles because I go into the kitchen to find Aunt Jemima and cousin Jif staring at me by the toaster,โ shared m4rceline.
17) Touchรฉ!
โNot married, but my boyfriend talks and laughs in his sleep. I caught him at it once, just doing that silly laugh he does when heโs beating someone in an online game. I poked him to see if heโd react, and he rolled over, still asleep, and said โTouchรฉ!โ and then rolled back over and started laughing again,โ posted
DaniRainbow.
18) Easier to escape
โWhen my wife and I first moved in together she had this ridiculous fear that someone would break into the apartment. So the front door was dead locked and the flimsy ass bedroom door was locked, every night. I got used to that, but the weirdest part was, as afraid as she was, she HAD to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. Iโll never understand that thought process,โ posted
MakroYianni.
19) A girl has her limits
โHe likes to sleep with pieces of tissue in his ears cause he believes his ears leaks wax. Iโve never seen them leak. Kinda found it gross at the start of the relationships but 7 years in I just pick up those tissue bits up from our bedroom ground and itโs doesnโt even bother me.
Hocks in shower and that does bother me. A girl has limits,โ said pretzelstickssalty.
20) They didnโt know that?
โI honestly didnโt know people farted in their sleep.
Not judging, donโt really care โ I just didnโt know that until then,โ said Allisade.
21) Donโt mess with his cotton swabs
โMy husband cannot clean his ears without coughing. He is also extremely particular about q-tips. He keeps them in a sealed container and will not use the same one on both ears and will not use it if itโs touched anything outside of the q-tip box,โ said
littleredhoodlum.
22) This funny laundry list of weirdness
โMy husband honestly didnโt know the phrase was โmake believeโ instead of โmaple leafโ. I thought he was fucking with me, nope he for real thought it was maple leaf and when I questioned the logic he said โI just thought it was an old saying that made no senseโ
He turns his socks inside out, runs his hands along the socks to โdefluffโ them before he wears them. I pick up black fluff from our bedroom floor.
When heโs in bed, he picks his thumb nails and they make a repetitive clicking noise that drives me BONKERS. He refuses to use nail clippers though because he saw something on tv about unsanitary nail clippers causing infections and now just rips his nails off.
He HAS to use head and shoulders shampoo. He doesnโt have dandruff or anything wrong with his scalp but says heโs super paranoid of getting dandruff,โ said a Reddit user.
23) Thereโs a right way and a wrong way
โWe like to hang our toilet paper rolls in opposite directions. Sometimes we have petty disputes where we switch the orientation of the toilet paper roll back and forth because we both believe we are correct,โ
posted a Reddit user.
24) Absolutely maddening
โNot married but been living with my boyfriend for a while nowโฆ
We donโt have a dishwasher but on nights he cooks I clean and the nights I cook he cleans. Or he says he will. Then he leaves them for the next morning but he is lazy in the mornings and says he will do them after work. Then after work he is too tired and the cycle continues until we have a mountain of gross dishes that he SWEARS he will do and gets mad if I attempt to do them myself.
JUST DO THE DISHES!โ
25) Heโs definitely the weird one
โHe thinks itโs a โweird personality quirkโ that I want to sleep on the same side of the bed every night. He teases me for it,โ
shared a Reddit user.
26) What is going on in that brain?
โShe talks in her sleep. And not like โI forgot milkโ. Like โDo you think hot dogs are steak dicks?โ or โCOSMIC-SHEEP WHERE ARE THE FUCKING BAGELS GO FIND THE BAGELSโ (the latter said while staying at a friendโs mountain cabin forty five minutes from town at 2 AM).
Relationships are magical,โ said a Reddit user.
27) Heโs only quiet when he sleeps
โMy husband has no off switch. If Iโm not listening, he just talks to himself. He has full on conversation in the shower. He pauses YouTube videos in the middle to give commentary. Heโs pretty much only quiet when he sleeps, and then he snores! I love him to bits though. The house feels weird when heโs not here chattering away,โ said
Nyteflame7.
28) It runs in the family
โWhen eating Oreos, she takes a mug filled with milk and places the Oreo in the mug, she then takes a spoon and scoops it out of the milk and eats the Oreo off of the spoon. Why else would God have given us fingers if not for using to dip Oreos I say?
Once when we were at my in-lawโs home, she was eating Oreos this way and I started giving her shit about it. Then I look around the room and see her dad, mom, and three sisters just looking at me; all holding their mugs of milk and Oreos with spoons to extract said Oreos from the milk. Foot, meet mouth,โ said RedDirtPreacher.
29) Admit it โ you do it tooโฆ
โI guess not weird, but a lot of people do it, but anyways my wife likes to pee in the shower. Especially when Iโm in the shower with her,โ shared
_UpVotes_.
30) Out of sight, out of mind
โHe loses shit all the time. Expensive eye glasses, sunglasses, his wallet, etc. He will hunt for an hour and not find the missing item. I look for two minutes and find it. Itโs always under something like the newspaper or his work schedule. He refuses to move anything to look. If he canโt see it, it doesnโt exist,โ
said a Reddit user.
31) A big-time screen addiction
โShe canโt stay without the iPad. If she is coming from bedroom to living room she needs to carry iPad. If she is cooking, she needs the iPad. And the only thing she is doing is playing games. The moments she wake up in the morning she starts playing and after 10-15 min she will realize that her bladder is full and she should go to restroom, but that just the feeling. She will probably go to pee after 10 min more. Oh I forgot to mention that she canโt poop without the iPad, literally she canโt. If she needs to poop, she needs to carry iPad. I canโt remember a single day she went to poop in home without iPad,โ said
schaud01.
32) Constantly repeating themselves
โWhen I start talking to her I will eventually have to repeat myself because her ears donโt turn on until halfway through the sentence. I need to start every sentence with getting her attention first,โ posted
ExcerptMusic.
33) Donโt they know how good it feels?
โIโve been married to my husband for 5 years. I have never seen the man blow his nose. He only sniffles,โ said
LukaGreen.
34) Say what?
โAfter ten years of marriage i learned my husband was drug dealing bisexual man and used our โfamily life and homeโ as a cover. I had zERO clue and learned it is a common ordeal,โ said
DahliaAugust.
35) Over a decade of boogers
โHe blows his nose into his towel and then dries off with it.
But Iโm the crazy one for refusing to share a towel.
He then ALWAYS hangs the towel over the shower curtain rod so I have to move his booger towel to shower. Sometimes boogies fall off into the tub andโฆ Just yuck, dude.
11+ years of boogers,โ said DumpTruckTaco.
36) Drunk decisions
โI found out my husband, when he was 18, slept with a woman in her 40โs. If that wasnโt enough, he says โI was really drunk, but I think her husband may have been watching.โ ๐จ,โ said
thismomsazombie.
37) Like a barbarian
โThe fact that he doesnโt stir up things like yogurt and sour cream before using them. Just spoons it out un-stirred like a barbarian,โ posted
But_what_if_ya_didnt.
38) Household drill sergeant
โMy husband has to bootcamp style clean EVERYTHING and roll his clothes bootcamp style. Hes a redneck country boy type but was sent to bootcamp and some of it is still drilled into his head. The whole Yes maam, No maam, Yes sir, No sir thingโฆHis basic stance. All military boot camp,โ said
CheshireSuicide.
39) How do they dry like that?
โSock balls.
When he takes his socks off, he doesnโt pull them out flat. He leaves them in the wadded up form they take on from the way he removes them, and doesnโt fix it before he washes them,โ posted SiriusPurple.
40) Who doesnโt like Tootsie Pops?!
โI recently discovered that my partner of 12 years doesnโt like tootsie pops. It was exceptionally shocking, for some reason,โ shared
iaimtobekind.
41) Beauty is pain
โMy husband freaks out if he sees me plucking my eyebrows. Like, โOH MY GOD! How do you DO that to yourself!?โ Every time. But he wonโt look away when I do it. Heโll just cringe with each pluck,โ said
mtmel.
42) People and their strange preferences
โMy boyfriend refuses to to his studying or any paperwork at his actual desk. It is piled high with papers and books. Instead he does all his work at the pool table so he can be near the kitchen,โ said
Polarplaid.
43) He doesnโt like to get his fingers dirty
โMy husband eats finger foods with a fork. Pizza? Fork. Chicken nuggets? Fork. Fries? Fork,โ shared
bimlay.
44) Cringing just thinking about it
โFound out my wife bites into her popsicles with her front teeth like a psychopath,โ said
timmyboi.
45) Fear of choking?
โHe chews soft foodsโฆ ice cream, jello, and you can hear it from across the dam house!โ said
dxkueht.
46) At least he has manners when theyโre needed
โAround guests or in public he eats totally normal and politely.
At home he goes full caveman. Itโs like that scene in Beauty and the Beast when he eats the porridge,โ posted unequivocallyvegan.
47) He has issues with dressers
โWell come to find out he hates dressers. He refuses to use a dresser for his clothes. He folds all his clothes and puts them in stacks on the top shelf in our closet and takes up so much spaceโฆ but there really isnโt anywhere else for them to go right now since we are in a small apt so I have my own dresser and live with it. Also: he wonโt eat anything that has touched a counter, even accidentally, even though I disinfect and rinse at least once a day. It HAS to be cut and served on a cutting board or plate. Not bread, not anything. Cannot touch the counter. Heโs not OCD or anything, these are just his quirks,โ
shared a Reddit user.
48) An outfit for every purpose
โWife will change clothes 3 times a day. Get up puts on her running around sweats, gets dressed for work, comes home changes into her casual clothes. Then fuss about how much laundry she has.
I get up get dressed for work and Iโm done, might change shirts if you go someplace after work,โ shared Biostrike14.
49) Just slightly OCD
โShe always laughs about how I use specific kitchen items for specific tasks, like certain bowls are only for cereal, and certain cups are only for drinking water. Of course, I am also amused at her insistence on the โcorrectโ organization of her side of the closet and within the drawers of her dresser. I never knew how many different categories of blue jeans existed before I met her,โ said
Mr_Sassy_Basket.
50) Interior decorating at its finest
โThat simply pounding a few nails in the bathroom wall is a perfectly legit way to hang towels,โ shared
nowthisisaknife.
51) Thatโs a lot of soda
โHe had an addiction to soda. He would leave empty 2 liter bottles in clusters. Sometime 15 of them. I donโt know why he didnโt just throw them in recycling. I called them his โsculpture gardensโ. He has since quit soda all together, so no more sculpture gardens in this house,โ shared
makingcookies1.
52) Because peanut butter is delicious
โThe man is capable of consuming SO MUCH peanut butter. I have never in my life had to purchase peanut butter this frequently,โ said
mnhamby.
53) Make it nice and pretty
โHe gets really obsessive about how the butter is scraped out of the container. He really goes for smooth lines, and gets visibly distressed if I just poke the knife into the butter and gouge out a bit. Itโs actually cute to me, though, so I canโt complain,โ posted
swampmutt.
54) Thatโs just yucky
โMy spouse would say that, Iโll eat anything that has touched anything. I could drop food on the ground and Iโll eat it. Itโs a waste if I donโt. Iโll lick butter off of a restaurant table. Makes her nuts,โ said
SandmanD2.
55) Lightning fast
โThat she pisses lightning quick. Sheโll excuse herself during a movie in a theater, run down the stairs, come back in what seems like less than twenty seconds, and then ask me what she missed. Bitch, you didnโt miss anything! I heard her pee eventually and realized why sheโs so quick. She doesnโt piss, she sprays that toilet bowl with urine. She sounds like sheโs forcefully firing her urine at the toilet bowel with the strength of a firehose. Mildly disturbing,โ
said a Reddit user.
56) The classic remote hog
โHeโs a remote hog and to make matters worse, he has to constantly flip channels. By the time you get into a show, he changes the channel. I stopped watching tv when weโre in the living room together and Iโm usually on my laptop or my phone. He then gets mad that I donโt watch tv with him and that Iโm on my laptop or phone,โ said
Sailor_Callisto.
57) Honest and upfront
โMy wife, the second day of us dating/living together, she was like, โListen, I fart, okay?โ And everything else has been smooth sailing ever since โ 7 years later. I never suggest the parameters of our relationship to others,โ posted
oldseasickjohnny.
58) Hope itโs cleaned often!
โMy husband puts his mouth directly on the faucet to rinse when he brushes his teeth,โ said
t7m6d.
59) Heโs an alien
โNot married yet but my fiancรฉ sometimes eats certain fruits with the peel still on. Or eats cucumbers without slicing them. He justโฆholds a cucumber and takes a bite out of it,โ shared
exitosa.
60) Grabby hands
โShe grabs like a toddler, like Iโll just finish building something delicate and go to show her, sheโll just grab,โ posted
Danger54321.
Pretty crazy what some people have learned about their significant others after they moved in with them. What did you learn about your partner? Share on Facebook and let us know!
Source: Reddit