Two heads are better than one!

Give your kids the gift of the avant-garde for the holidays by buying them this two-headed teddy bear.

The best part: It’s bound to freak people out in the best way possible.

Do you have a giant blank space on your wall that you just can’t seem to find the right artwork for?

We totally feel you.

And if you’re a renter, you may have even more trouble finding something that doesn’t require you to drill a hole in the wall.

Well, now you can buy a giant sticker of two senior citizens on a golf cart – to fill the space on your wall AND in your heart.

The best part: You’ll get the see a variety of dumbfounded looks when people view it for the first time.

Have you ever wanted to take a scented bath and thought to yourself “ugh, why do all these bath soaks smell like flowers and perfumes?”

Are you not content to just take an unscented bath?

Make yourself clean AND hungry with a bath smoke that smells like a French dip. Just watch out for dogs that catch a whiff.

The best part: They’re careful to say it’s a unisex bath soak, so don’t feel like your sex or gender confines you.

We don’t know about you, but when we ask ourselves “where should we put a bunch of electronics?” the answer is almost always “right near some water.”

Am I right?

No?

Let’s face it, fish deserve better, although we see what kind of relaxing setup they’re going for.

The best part: It has “6 modes of tranquil nature sounds, like sounds of frogs, sounds of bird, sounds of water, etc.” Because why not add more nature?

Sometimes when you’re separating an egg you might think to yourself “this doesn’t look disgusting enough.”

Now you can level up with the Mr. Sneezy egg separator so your eggs whites can look like snot. Finally!

The best part: You can also use it as a gravy boat or syrup dispenser! The sky’s the limit.

Does an octopus fart? No.

Sorry we ruined that part of the book for you but there are many other animals included in this definitive guide to which animals do and don’t pass gas.

The jury is still out on spiders, by the way.

The best part: The book includes information on how often animals fart, what their farts smell like, and why.

While the comments suggest that there may be some design flaws, we can’t help but find this sponge holder pretty adorable.

It might even remind us to wash our bed linens as well when it gets too grimy.

The best part: You can add a whole extra step to your dishwashing routine by having to put the pillows back in place every single time you use it.

If you love working out but still can’t seem to get that chiseled jaw and chin no matter how hard you try, you may just be lacking the right exercise equipment.

There are 7 days in a week and you’ve already got leg day, arm day, and ab day. Isn’t it time for mouth day?

(Caution: may destroy teeth.)

The best part: No one can talk to you about their workout while they’re using it.

It’s never ok to hit an animal, but this shower curtain is sure to get your blood flowing first thing in the morning when you’re thinking about attacking your day.

At the very least, people will be really amused/confused when they walk into your bathroom.

The best part: You can also buy a shower curtain of a bear punching back.

Ladies, isn’t it great when a dress has pockets?!

Why stop there? This dress has a whole pouch!

While you can put anything you want in there, we’re loving the idea of the recommended cat. Cats LOVE that kind of thing.

The best part: Will also fit a small puppy. Or, like, a wallet.

Everybody loves mac and cheese, but it tends to be high in calories.

Now you can get the mac and cheese effect with slightly fewer calories and way more sugar by noshing on these candy canes.

The best part: Mac and cheese will probably (somehow) taste even better after you try these.

If you’ve never wanted to hug a loaf of bread, then we simply can’t be friends.

But for the rest of you, you can now show your affection towards the world’s most comforting food with this carb-free, gluten-free completely inedible pillow!

The best part: The manufacturers claims it’s “easy to clean” – you know, for when you get drool all over it.

Digging in the garden is fun. Just ask your dog!

Whether you want to get back to nature by clawing at the earth or just keep your fingernails clean, these gloves come in extra handy.

Plus, you can act our all your Wolverine fantasies if you buy a pair.

The best part: For some reason, they are also recommended for giving your pup for scratches.

Frankly, we don’t want to know what you use this for if not to just slightly confuse your friends.

But for $69.97 + $14.97 shipping you can pretend the songstress herself is right in your very home.

The best part: The sellers warning “Please, BEWARE OF IMITATIONS!” We bet Celine Dion is saying the same thing.

If you’re thinking “that’s basically just a bucket,” well, we can’t really argue with you there.

While it may come in handy for camping, we’re still not sure what makes it different from any other bucket with a lid, except maybe comfort.

Best part: There’s a video highlighting the many uses of the “Luggable Loo” (and it has credits at the end).

Headed to your ex’s wedding or a very long night of children’s theater? Then you might need a bit more support than the average flask can provide.

Let’s face it, with a flask this big you can be a hero to more than one other bored person in the crowd.

The best part: It’s totally subtle.

If you like to destroy your clothing while you’re still wearing it, we can’t imagine a better option than a suit made of bubble wrap.

It’s also bound to protect you just a little if you fall or get into a fight or run into a wall.

The best part: The sounds it makes when you sit down.

Do you love onions but hate how they ruin your mascara?

Problem solved.

You could also just chill the onion before cutting it, but that’s a lot less fun.

The best part: If someone pretends they’re not crying by saying “hey, is someone cutting onions in here?” you can point out that they are indeed blubbering when they’re wearing these goggles.

If your narcissism is so problematic that you need to see your face on everything or you’ve just really always wanted to be Mr. Potato Head, then you might understand why this is a thing.

Unfortunately, the rest of us do not.

The best part: It’s a real Idaho potato. It would obviously be rude to put a face on a lesser potato.

Well, now we’ve seen it all. And this is a lot more than we ever hoped we’d see.

We don’t understand the appeal or the foam finger (or the fact that Einstein has boobs), but surely someone out there can explain it all.

The best part: You probably won’t ever have to see one in person.

Your hands are a sensitive area of the body that needs protection too. So why not buy them their own underwear? Or is that outerwear?

Just don’t call them fingerless gloves because they’re TOTALLY different. They’re Handerpants!

The best part: You can still use your cell phone without taking off all of your underwear.

Stressed? Fidgety? Need something to do with your hands?

Forget fidget spinners and stress balls, why not make everyone around you feel slightly uncomfortable by twisting and pulling the Mushy Poopster instead?

The best part: It comes in bulk! (A 72-pack is only $159.)

The item is great because it doesn’t force you to answer the age-old question: “which do you prefer, yodeling or pickles?”

Now you can have it all!

The best part: The batteries are included so it will yodel straight out of the box!

Until now, duct tape could do anything EXCEPT make you look classy.

Now it’s officially good for everything.

The best part: It’s a neutral, so you won’t have too much trouble pairing it with your suits.

Amazon has stepped in where SkyMall left off, offering the latest and greatest in useless lifesize figures.

If you’re tired of traditional Christmas decor, might we suggest this instead?

The best part: No one expects you to take it down right after Christmas. You’re good to go until at least March.

Yep, someone went there.

Need a snack but find them unappealing for some reason? Just close your eyes and try to ignore the shape.

The best part: At least they’re still chocolate.

Do your small children eat all of your cookies? Would you like to both stop them AND terrify them at the same time?

Well, here you go.

Give new meaning to “cookie monster” by storing your cookies in one of the warriors from Alien.

The best part: Regretting your decision when you have to deal with the nightmares.

Don’t worry, it’s edible. It’s just not turkey. It’s a cherry-flavored lollipop (although commenters seem to disagree about the taste profile).

We don’t know why they chose red, or a turkey leg, or to make it at all. We just know that it’s over $16 worth of lollipop.

The best part: It’s a half-pound of sugar.

If the best part of your day is cleaning up dog poop or you want to get a dog but ease your way into the responsibility of cleaning up after them, this calendar is for you.

Just be careful about giving it as a gag gift to someone in your home because it may just end up on your wall.

The best part: There’s also a coloring book.

Have you always wanted to be a ballerina but you’re just more of a knee-high lace-up stiletto boot kind of person?

Fulfill ALL your dreams with these killer toe shoes.

Actually, you can’t at the moment. We’re sorry to tease you, but they’re already sold out.

The best part: There are no reviews so there’s no one to tell you how impossible they are to walk in.

Remember that video of goats screaming that went viral a few years ago? Do you want to make sure you never forget it?

Or maybe you just really hate your coworkers and want to put something on your desk that screams just enough to make them go away so you don’t have to do it yourself.

Enter the screaming goat figurine.

The best part: It comes with a 32-page booklet of goat facts.

At first glance, this seems like the perfect gift for someone who already needs a new microwave and wants their old one to go out in a blaze of gooey glory. But plenty of reviews insist it worked like a charm.

(Then again, some of them said all the plastic peeled off into their food on the first use.)

Depending on whether or not you’re scared of microwaving your food in cheap plastic, this could be the closest you get to a fireless s’mores treat.

The best part: S’mores!

Can’t decide whether to go with skinny jeans or wide-legged jeans? Why not wear both – at the same time! Now you can fit AND flare!

No, silly, we’re not talking about wearing two pairs of pants. THAT would be ridiculous.

Instead, get just one pair with two different legs!

The best part: They’re a reasonable $375.

If you don’t actually like moving but you want to lie about getting some exercise, this block can help you claim you “walked around the block” however many times you want (though it suggests just twice).

This simple block of wood apparently makes the ideal gag gift, according to commenters.

The best part: It’s $12 you spent on a block instead of more junk food.

Thanks to online “celebrities” like Dr. Pimple Popper, people are getting gruesome pleasure out of watching pimples drain.

Of course, you’re never supposed to pick at your own face, so an item like this is designed to give you the same “pleasure” with none of the permanent scarring.

The best part: It comes with its own pus!

It’s a dangerous world out there and cats are curious. But it’s our job as cat parents to make sure they know what’s facing them if/when they ever leave the house.

This book appears to address all the most pertinent dangers that face 21st-century cats.

The best part: No one can say you didn’t at least try to keep them out of trouble.

Why is there a guy holding these? We have no idea, but we’re not judging.

As far as we can tell, people are really happy with their decisions to buy this item and feel the stitching is quite good.

Since we’ve had real underwear that we can’t say the same about, we can’t help but be a little impressed.

The best part: They come in other colors and patterns so you have an excuse to buy more than one pair.

Are you ambivalent (or hostile) towards garden gnomes but still want to decorate your lawn with something tacky? Then you might be the perfect candidate for “The Great Garden Gnome Massacre” lawn ornament.

It’s certainly a conversation piece and is bound to scare small children. It’s probably also bound to get stolen by slightly older ones.

The best part: It’s weatherproof but it also “accentuates indoor spaces,” there’s nowhere you CAN’T put it.

If you’re both stressed AND enjoy things that look like they’re vomiting, the egg vomit fidget toy might be the answer to your prayers.

The manufacturers ensure buyers that the toy is perfect for both kids AND adults who need help concentrating at school and work.

The best part: It comes with its own “yolk” which it can then suck back up with another squeeze.

Offending Catholics and animals-lovers alike, this taxidermied mouse pope is a sure-fire conversation piece.

For example, good luck explaining why you paid $100 for it.

The best part: It’s Pope Francis. Couldn’t you tell?

Take your love of pizza to the next level by wearing your love of pepperoni on your sleeve.

This particular model is perfect for the holidays…because eating pizza shouldn’t stop just because there are Christmas cookies around.

The best part: You can buy the same pattern as a t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt, regular sweatshirt, AND a cloak!

If you have thumbs and you love thumb wars AND Star Wars, then look no further than this toy.

With seven different game boards, you’ll never get bored while fighting throughout the Star Wars universe (although your thumb might give out eventually).

The best part: Lightsabers included so you don’t have to find your own thumbsabers.

We didn’t realize toasting a hot dog was a thing, but apparently we were wrong!

Now you can cook your hot dog AND bun from your countertop with this unique device.

The best part: People have now discovered that they prefer their hot dogs toasted.

Clocky’s claim to fame is that it’s SUPER loud and it moves around so you can’t just hit snooze and go back to sleep.

Frankly, it sounds terrible but effective

It’s not like humans have managed to invent anything that makes it more fun to get up in the morning, so effective is the best we can do.

The best part: It shrieks like R2D2 if you let it go off long enough.

If you’ve seen the cinematic masterpiece Face/Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta, then you’ll find this pillow even funnier.

And if you haven’t, what are you waiting for?!

The best part: You can make it look like a lion attacked Nicholas Cage without having to invest in a lion.

Unless someone works the reception desk in a home hardware store we’re at a loss to explain the appeal of this one.

Perhaps it’s for that person who already has “everything but the kitchen sink.”

The best part: Free paperclips inside!

Maybe you love Pokemon but wish Pikachu were a little less flabby.

Now you know what all of your favorite characters would look like if they spent all day at the gym.

The best part: You have to get on a waitlist to buy them because they are so popular.

You have to grate your cheese somehow, so why not do it with a hedgehog?

It’s ergonomically delicious!

The best part: It comes in white and red, so one of them is bound to match your kitchen.

Announce to the world what everyone already knows – coffee has a laxative effect.

For those with no shame, it’s the perfect mug to let everyone know they’ll want to avoid the bathroom in the late morning.

The best part: Everyone will know where you ran off to after that meeting.

Do you love burritos so much that you want to become one? Then you might consider investing in this tortilla blanket.

You can wear it anywhere to show your tortilla pride and – better yet – it’s double-sided so even if you wanted to hide the fact that you’re wearing a tortilla, you can’t.

The best part: It comes in both yellow (corn) or white (flour).

Have you ever looked at your sleeping toddler and thought they’d be so much more adorable if they were snuggled up in a blanket that made them look like a busty supervillain from Batman?

Well, that’s weird – but apparently you’re not alone.

The best part: At least this version of the costume doesn’t have the underwear and fishnets.

If you love Seinfeld, then we don’t know how you can resist these amazing George Costanza earrings.

If you wear them with enough confidence you might even be able to convince people that you invented the pick-up line “It’s not you, it’s me.”

They also make the perfect Festivus accessory!

The best part: You can’t see them while you’re wearing them so you won’t be distracted by their awesomeness all day.

Pay homage to the patron saint of saying no with this Grumpy Cat painting.

For the very reasonable price of $150 (hey, you pay for the craftsmanship!) you can be reminded of the world’s grumpiest cat while also showing off your dedication to saying no.

The best part: They’re painted on demand, so your St. Grumpy Cat painting will be one of a kind!

Enamel pins are so in right now.

Test your friends’ coolness quotient by buying this little guy and making note of how many people can identify who it is.

The best part: You might get “Like a Surgeon” stuck in your head all day.

You can use this for whatever you want – a paperweight, a conversation piece, or a subtle indication to others that you might just be a serial killer.

The creator has put no limits (or suggestions) on your use of this item, so be as creative as you wish!

The best part: You’re certain to be the only one who has one.

What’s not to love?

In fact, we dare you to improve upon the design by coming up with something that would make it more majestic (without being “too much”).

The best part: We just bought one and we don’t even use a mouse.

If you enjoy killing defenseless bugs but want to look as manly as possible while doing it, you’re in luck.

The handle is even made out of Tennessee whiskey barrels so everyone knows you’re rugged.

The best part: It’s so classy people might not even mind when you accidentally smack them with it.

Hey, rats get cold too! And some of them might even like to be fashionable.

Enter the rat sweater.

Show your pet rat that you respect their right to be cool and cozy by clothing them in handmade garments.

The best part: The maker insists it fits most rodents.

If you don’t find some way to announce it, you might go your entire life without anyone acknowleding your love of pheasants.

And how sad would that be?

We suggest this parking sign so that you can alert people while also depriving them of the ideal parking spot on your property.

The best part: Maybe someone will bring you a pheasant.

If you’ve considered buying some of the things on this list, might we recommend this door mat as well?

The best part: The rest of us get fair warning before coming into your home and seeing some of the stuff on this list.