Everyone has that awkward trip to the doctor that that they’re able to look back and laugh at. It’s even better if you have one that millions of people from the internet can relate to. Here are 60 of some of the best examples of jokes and horror stories about doctor visits from Reddit and Twitter that you can’t help but crack up at.
1. Diagnosis: children
Found out at my Doctor's appointment that the disturbing voices I've been hearing non stop are called children.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) August 14, 2017
2. Maybe get checked for hearing loss too?
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3. Self care in many forms
Doctor: How do you practice self-care?
Me: Pillows.
Doctor: Pillows? By sleeping on them?
Me: No. By screaming into them.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) January 18, 2018
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4. Come to the doctor for one thing, leave for another
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5. Dog-tor
(After seeing a documentary about dogs who can smell epileptic seizures, low blood sugar and cancer.)
Doctor: Can I ask why you think you need a whole body CT scan?
Me: My dog stared at me for a solid five minutes this morning and I couldn’t figure out what he wanted.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) March 5, 2018
6. Coconut up the nose.
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7. Almost a clean bill of health
Doctor: Do you exercise?
Me: Yes.
Doc: Smoke?
Me: No. Never.
Doc: Drink?
Me: Yes.
Doc: How often?
Me: 4 kids.
Doc: Heavily. Got it.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 19, 2019
8. A true nightmare
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9. The struggle
Trying to convince your kid to wear a jacket is exactly like trying to convince your husband to go to the doctor.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) March 19, 2019
10. And how often do you floss?
“You can’t cram for a dental exam.” – My husband as I floss for the first time the night before a dentist appt.
— Hashtag MomFail (@hashtagmomfail) October 11, 2018
11. Potatoes are vegetables
[At pediatrician]
Nurse Practitioner: Does he eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day?
Me: For the most part.
3: I like chocolate milk and french fries!
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) April 24, 2018
12. Constipation
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13. The 15 min rule is real?
Receptionist: Please arrive 15 minutes before your appointment so that…
Me: So a rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar…
Receptionist: Excuse me?
Me: Oh, I thought we were making jokes.
— Leslie Gaar (@lgaarwrites) March 24, 2019
14. When you know your doctor a little too well
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15. Always listen to the doc
"I'm so sick and don't know why. I just want answers!"
DOC: Here's a solution…
"No, not that one."
-Me as a patient, apparently.
— Megan Rikas (@MegsHAUSTED) July 15, 2017
16. The problem with health services
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17. Solutions
Me: Kate needs shots today. I'm going to need your muscles at the doctor's office.
Dad of the year: Can we get her drunk first?— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) May 15, 2014
18. Awkward.
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19. Innocent kids
5yo: where’s the scissors?
Me: why?
5: I’m playing doctor…
M: **cute**
5: on the dog
M: **takes back scissors**— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) May 18, 2019
20. Jokes at the office
The doctor asked if I was sexually active and we just laughed and laughed.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 14, 2018
21. Doing whatever it takes
[Doctor's office]
<frantically peeling off nail polish> Okay, weigh me again.— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) August 10, 2017
22. A doctor who gets it
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23. Always see a specialist
https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/689307296422211588?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E689307296422211588&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2F2016%2F1%2F19%2F17748958%2F26-tweets-about-going-to-the-doctor-we-re-gonna-need-you-to-read-by-the-end-of-the-day
24. Awkward encounters with hot doctors
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25. On needing to find the right dose
https://twitter.com/mindflakes/status/662617216693764098?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E662617216693764098&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2F2016%2F1%2F19%2F17748958%2F26-tweets-about-going-to-the-doctor-we-re-gonna-need-you-to-read-by-the-end-of-the-day
26. Always have the right attitude going into a visit
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27. Prescription: 2 doses of cool
optometrist said to wear sunglasses and my doctor said to wear a jacket who do i see about a medicinal motorcycle and guitar prescription
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 28, 2015
28. Kidney stones or baby?
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29. What’s really bothering you?
"when people say different color bell peppers taste different"
[doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically— brent (@murrman5) July 29, 2015
30. Misdiagnosed
My doctor just diagnosed me as "so alive"
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) January 7, 2016
31. All the compliments
https://twitter.com/twelveoclocke/status/678338628846768128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E678338628846768128&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2F2016%2F1%2F19%2F17748958%2F26-tweets-about-going-to-the-doctor-we-re-gonna-need-you-to-read-by-the-end-of-the-day
32. No shame at 11 years old
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33. Communication is so important
Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough for sex. Every single time. Just give him a call and ask if he thinks you're healthy enough for sex
— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) December 1, 2015
34. That escalated quickly
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35. A doctor with jokes
My doctor said I need to get more Vitamin D. At first I thought that was normal advice, but now I realize she was making a crude sex pun. :(
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) June 22, 2013
36. Public shaming
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37. 3 Stars
At my checkup today i asked my doctor what my blood type is and he said "i'll never tell" in a flirty voice. is there a yelp for doctors
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) November 19, 2015
38. An uncomfortable situation
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39. Playing doctor to your doctor
Played therapist to my dentist this morning as he told me about how he was just as smart and artistic as an orthodontist.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 21, 2015
40. The best medicine
Ask your doctor if screaming "ARE U KIDDING ME? ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" five times a day, is right for you.
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) December 29, 2015
41. All about the degree
I want my eye doctor to be my mentor but she said that's not what she went to school for
— Jessye McGarry (@jessyemcgarry) May 29, 2015
42. It only gets worse from here
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43. An apple a day…
My doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) January 5, 2016
44. The zit that couldn’t be missed
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45. A simple misunderstanding
MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
— Sarah Lyons (@sarbeaaaar) January 3, 2017
46. An unpleasant experience for everyone involved
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47. Define exercise…
Doctor: “Do you exercise?”
Me: [thinking of the arm curls to get the chips from the bag to my mouth] “Yes, daily.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 1, 2018
48. Top 3 most uncomfortable
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49. Any health risks?
Doctor: Do you exercise?
Me: Yes.
Doc: Smoke?
Me: No. Never.
Doc: Drink?
Me: Yes.
Doc: How often?
Me: 4 kids.
Doc: Heavily. Got it.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 19, 2019
50. The negative effects of running naked
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51. The best weekend plans
Ahh…the weekend, I can finally relax in this urgent care waiting room
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 11, 2016
52. The dentist’s favorite patient
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53. A strange case of insomnia
https://twitter.com/JohnReynoldss/status/643666634771681280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E643666634771681280&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2F2016%2F1%2F19%2F17748958%2F26-tweets-about-going-to-the-doctor-we-re-gonna-need-you-to-read-by-the-end-of-the-day
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54. Take an extra moment to embarrass yourself
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55. Compliments come in strange forms
Three separate doctors have told me that I have a perfect cervix. The first time I was like “what a weird thing to say” but by the third time I was just smuggly lookin down the stirrups like “don’t I know it 😏😏😏”
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) August 13, 2018
56. Just get it over with
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57. … and fishing for compliments
My doctor thinks I’m hot. He said “fever” but I’ll take it.
— .Mela. (@mela_shea) March 19, 2019
58. An interesting prescription
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59. Everyone on their best behavior
I’m always exceptionally kind and patient with my children while we wait for the pediatrician because I have a fear that there are cameras and it’s taking so long because the doctor is reviewing my every action as a mother.
Anyway can’t wait to see what virus we leave with today.— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) December 18, 2018
60. Everyone gets addressed by their true title
If people with medical degrees get to be addressed as "doctor" then I should get to be addressed as "failure"
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) October 21, 2015
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