Have you ever put your foot in your mouth so bad that you wished everyone around you would just disappear? Let’s face it, we probably all have. No matter how hard we try, we’re all liable to misspeak or not think through a statement… and end up looking pretty silly as a result. Still, most of the time these are one-off circumstances that don’t repeat themselves—and don’t get recorded. Unfortunately for the people on this list, their dumbest moments were recorded for the rest of us to enjoy. With no further ado, here are 55 of the dumbest things people have been caught saying.
1. Sometimes the answers are right in front of us…
Sometimes, someone says something and we don’t even realized we’ve missed the most important of it. Kind of like one of Reddit user TheRealRachel’s friends did. All you had to do was slow down and take a breath and you could’ve avoided this. Instead, this is happening.
2. Honestly, we can kind of start to the confusion here.
Look, before you leap to judgment on this one, consider that we have no idea what goes into our pills. A lot of the time they’re stuffed full of fillers and mystery substances that may or may not be the vitamins we paid good money for. So if you had diet versions of them they’d be… good for a diet? Because diets are healthy? We don’t know.
3. Retail workers can’t control the weather, sorry.
This one is so bizarre that we almost think it was just a customer playing a prank on the worker. Either that or this person was having such a bad day that they just needed someone else to take it out on. At best, this was an impulsive, angry moment taken out on someone who didn’t deserve it. At worst, well… this is a pretty confusing thing to say.
4. You were so close to getting it. So close.
Although we can respect the impulse of where this question came from, it’s a classic issue of missing the first principle of the problem. The problem with this scenario originates outside of the scenario this person pointed out. We’ll wait until they get it, though we might be waiting for a long time.
5. Is your coworker an alien creature from the sea?
There are definitely plenty of things about the human body that we still don’t understand. Mysterious about consciousness, how the brain works, things like that. What we do know pretty well, though, is that if you lop off your finger and don’t get it on ice and surgically reattached right away, that finger is gone forever, chief. What we don’t know is how the public school system failed this man so badly.
6. This would be horribly cruel if it were actually true (but it’s kind of hilarious).
Ah, drug dogs. How else do you get a drug dog to know his drugs apart? You get them hooked on illicit substances, of course! There are so many holes in the logic of this one that we have to just stand back in awe, honestly. But that’s after I regain my strength because my sides are splitting from laughing at this one.
7. This story is incredible.
People can do some pretty inexplicable things when they’re drunk, so we’re going to have to chalk this one up to that. Otherwise, we have some serious concerns about the woman in this story. Though the story is hilarious, the final comment is really the icing on the cake here. That’s true about crows, by the way.
8. This one is so upsetting.
If you think too long about eating chicken eggs, it can start to weird you out a little bit. Still, there’s gotta be something kind of wrong with you if you take it to the next level of trying to combine human genetic material with a chicken egg… let alone thinking that it would successfully result in a human-chicken hybrid.
9. I wouldn’t hold your breath on that bridge.
Hawaii is a beautiful place to visit, or a beautiful place to live if you happen to live there. The only issue is that it takes a pretty long time to get there, even if you fly. What you absolutely can’t do is drive there on a bridge across the Pacific Ocean. You would think that would be common sense. But you’d be wrong.
10. Good luck with that one, buddy.
Flying in a plane that’s going down is one of the biggest fears I have in my entire life. Part of what makes it so terrifying is that in my mind, it’s over at that point—even if we crash land in the ocean, the chances are good that the landing will be rough enough to either injure or kill me. If only I had the blind, insane faith that this man did. Nobody tell him the truth, this is too pure.
11. Ah, so that’s where that word comes from!
Although this one makes us laugh, it doesn’t give us a ton of confidence about what goes on in restaurant kitchens. Fortunately, there are people like the cook in this story who stand up to actual insanity like this. When ego gets in the way, people can do some pretty unbelievable things.
12. Unfortunately, this is a pretty popular theory these days.
Though it goes without saying, the internet has given rise to some pretty fringe and extremist communities. Some of it is about racism, some of it is about hyper-specific fandoms… but some of it about how the Earth is flat and nearly all scientific consensuses are not real. It’s funny how people who know so little about science are so confident that they know more than scientists do, but I guess that’s life. The second comment really says it all here.
13. It’s almost hard to believe that this one even happened.
Saddam Hussein is a pretty infamous figure in world history, and he would’ve been even more famous right around the time this story takes place. Maybe the best thing about this one is that the final twist at the end couldn’t be more perfect, it’s almost like someone sat down and came up with this. Still, people have said more outlandish things before.
14. Someone is going to be in for a big surprise…
Cosmetic surgery is all well and good—after all, it’s your money to spend however you want. Still, it’s worth researching anything that you’re about to spend a significant amount of money. And if it’s plastic surgery, it’s important to do it for yourself, not for others… and especially not for your kids who will get no benefit from it whatsoever. But hey, who are we to judge?
15. How would this even work?
We understand that there are some risks that come with being in the middle of a thunderstorm, particularly if you have a bunch of important electronics plugged in while it’s happening. Still, WiFi connections work completely differently… honestly, we can almost understand someone not understanding this.
We’re not sure if this is an official saying or not, but sometimes owning up to your mistakes can be the blowback from them a little bit easier. That may be true most of the time, but maybe not in this case. We’ll let you be the judge.
17. We’ve gotta admit that there’s a twisted logic to this one.
It can be a pain to have to fill up your gas tank all the way if you’re particularly tight on cash. Sometimes, if you’re in a hurry, you just put a little bit of gas in and drive away. In another sense, this can help you budget how much you’re spending on gas as well! In that sense, this makes a little bit of sense… but wait until he finds out how much $20 gets.
18. It took us a minute to get this one, but now we love it.
Because human beings don’t have to hibernate, it’s an understandably mysterious process to most of us. Because of that, we may have a few misconceptions about animal behavior. Still, there’s not much of an explanation for the confusion around this one… polar bears live in the snow, after all.
19. Talk about a gigantic baby!
Although there’s a lot of information on our birth certificate, we’re still babies when that information is recorded. Though we might be able to figure out how much we weighed, where we were born and what time we were born, our height is yet to be determined. Still, this one is kind of an honest mistake.
20. There’s a lot to unpack in this one.
To be completely fair, most of us don’t know exactly how the planets and celestial bodies work. To be sure, we know about stars, planets, moons and black holes, but sometimes the finer details can get confusing. Still, not many people get the sun and the moon confused (we hope, at least).
21. People have believed wilder things than this before, right?
The Lord of the Rings is one of those famously loved books that has fully seeped into the public consciousness. Because of that, many of its biggest fans know so many tiny details about the story’s universe. If you don’t have much context for it, I guess this is a reasonable mistake to make… unless you’re an adult, in which case what?
22. Other people must’ve made this mistake before.
Blowing up balloons is a real pain in the neck, and blowing out so much air can leave people feeling light-headed. So maybe that’s what was happening when this person made this comment. We’re just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, you know?
23. Wait, so that’s how that works?
Honestly, if this is a dumb thing then consider us dumb, because we’ve thought this all the time. On one level, you always kind of know that the people behind you aren’t constantly flashing you with their brights. On the other hand, any time you get flashed like that from behind it’s pretty annoying… so we get it.
24. We’re pretty sure this isn’t how plasma television sets work…
Plasma television sets are a pretty cool technology with electrified gas in them, which turns into what we call plasma. On the other hand, we also have “plasma” in our bodies, which is a colorless fluid in our blood. Between those two definitions, we’re pretty sure the wires got crossed here somehow.
25. We’ve heard of chastity, but this is pretty extreme.
In elementary school and secondary school, there’s a pretty commonly held idea to dissuade kids from having sex or from getting too involved romantically too early. Along with that could come recommendations to set boundaries and practice safe sex. On the other hand, telling this to a kid just seems a little misleading (and terrifying as well).
26. Everyone has misconceptions about other countries, but this is extreme.
There are definitely places where if you haven’t travelled there, but at this point in the modern world, we pretty much know that most places have the same technology. Everywhere has businesses and everywhere has people and so on. Still, apparently roads were too much of a stretch for this guy to believe.
27. There’s no way you could believe this unless you’ve never used a microwave.
What does the word defrost mean to you? Usually it means to make something frozen become unfrozen—in fact, that’s all it means. Moving from cold to warmer. Honestly, we have no idea how this person came to this conclusion.
28. The school system truly has failed certain people.
In high school, some people liked reading Shakespeare and other people truly hated it. Still, most people pretty much know that nobody talks like Shakespeare writes, nobody how young they are. Which raises some questions about how old Shakespeare is. Point being: everyone knows Shakespeare is dead.
29. We don’t recommend any part of this part of this, to be clear.
Look, if you’re going to do drugs at all, you should probably know a little bit about how basic chemistry works. And you should also know that this is absolutely not at all how it works. Also: in what context did this conversation come up? We have so many questions.
30. This one seems like it could’ve been avoidable.
Just like the example with the planets, there’s a lot about the world beyond Earth that doesn’t always make automatic sense to us. Still, basic science should answer a lot of questions about Earthly phenomena at least… basically, this one just isn’t quite right is all we’re saying.
31. We don’t even know what this person was getting at.
We’re not all great at geography and there’s probably still plenty of things we could learn about the world. Still, most of us understand how international flights work and how travel works in general. Still, how to explain this statement then? Don’t you fly (or boat, I guess) to all islands?
32. Sounds like a very political drive-thru order.
Under the wrong circumstances, ordering at the drive-thru window can be a little bit awkward. Maybe someone can’t hear somebody else or maybe the person ordering is just a bit anxious in general. Still, we’ve never personally run into this situation before.
33. Are we sure this woman wasn’t just making a terrible, terrible joke?
I wouldn’t want to be born on a leap year because it would cause a lot of confusion every single year. I also never understood why that time couldn’t just be spread out differently so we could have the same number of days each year? In any event, we hope this teacher was joking.
34. Common mistake for a first-time cat owner.
Ah yes, the classic “my cat is vibrating” scenario. As anyone who has owned a cat knows, when cats purr, their entire body vibrates gently—and this usually means they’re happy! Hopefully this guy figures this out without spending money at the vet.
35. You have to know at least a little bit more about the world than this guy.
Look, if you live on one side of the world and you can’t remember something about a country on the exact opposite side of it, we could look the other way. But America literally was born out of things that happened in England. There’s truly no excuse for not knowing this.
36. Honestly, maybe she just heard this person wrong.
The perfect senior prank can be hard to pull off. There’s a lot of secrecy, planning and discussion that goes into each one, particularly with how far the prank can go without being too dangerous or offensive. In the process of all that discussion, we could see how something like this would get said.
37. Gotta give her some points for originality, here.
We’ve heard of the theory of evolution and we’ve heard of the theory of creation, but we haven’t heard of whatever theory this is. Chickens come out of eggs but human beings don’t exactly share the same anatomy… it would help to know how old the person saying this was.
Help us out with this one. Is she talking about the chem trails conspiracy? Is she just poetically describing pollen? Is she talking about something else entirely? The main takeaway is that we’re hugely confused.
39. This is honestly hilarious.
Look, I don’t care if this was a sincere comment or purely a joke. If somebody said this in front of me at an Italian restaurant, I would die laughing and it’s just that simple. Bravo, whoever said this, bravo.
40. How would that even work?
Plenty of countries have their own national monuments that thousands of people travel to see each year. These places are the pride of those countries, so they probably would never want to part with them. Which is why we’re so confused here. Why would anyone ever do this? Also how would it then help Greece? We’re lost.
The buffalo thing here would be an honest mistake… except that there are really pretty few of them in America and also those wings are chicken obviously. As for the second thing, it sounds like something believable until you really put it under scrutiny.
42. Wyoming kind of is an entirely different country though…
Traveling around the United States can really open your eyes to how much variety the country has to offer. Although we all know whatever area we live in, other places can start to feel pretty different. That said, Wyoming is not a country.
43. Sometimes in life you need to think fast.
Though I’ve worked my fair share of bad jobs in my day, I’ve never actually worked in a drive-thru. The problem is that in those jobs, you’re trapped in a box with whoever happens to drive by. In this situation, it sounds like it was a nightmare. It definitely pays to have a hilarious manager in those situations.
44. Checkmate…. or is it?
First things first, the argument that God might not like people with long hair is ridiculous. What about Samson, says the guy in this story… although things didn’t really turn out great for Samson. More importantly, what about Jesus? I guess in a sense, things didn’t turn out great for Jesus either… I think we’re learning more about God here than we are about hair.
45. We’ve heard some pretty outrageous lies but this one is something else.
Though we may never understand why people choose to lie when they really don’t have to, at least make your lies somewhat believable if you’re going to do it. We don’t even know where to start with this one… points for creativity, we guess.
46. Everybody embarrasses themselves from time to time.
We’ve all put our foot in our mouth or not thought through something before. Still, usually it happens with a small, simple thing and not with something complicated and convoluted like this. At least he’s willing to own up to it!
We’ve probably all been in a situation where somebody else tries to make you agree with something they’ve said. If they don’t do it, you end up looking pretty dumb… and in this case, you also end up looking pretty racist. Just don’t do it.
Even the most well-intentioned of statements can fall completely flat in the wrong circumstances. If you needed any firm proof of that, just consider what this person said about electoral politics in North Korea.
49. To be fair, I didn’t know what a dumbwaiter was until late in life.
At least this one comes from a good place! I wouldn’t like it if the place I was staying had bad policies towards its waitstaff, either. This also raises questions about why a dumbwaiter is even still called that and why it hasn’t been renamed. Oh well.
50. This is a really alarming thing to learn about our college system.
You probably won’t agree with everything you’re taught in college, but the idea is that the people there are wise and have a lot of knowledge to impart. That’s why it’s a little bit strange that freshman level teachers are spouting weird stuff like this to a classroom full of impressionable minds.
51. This is pretty next level.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but sometimes those opinions run contrary to demonstrable facts. In the case of the color of a popular cereal, it generally either is a thing or it’s not. Not much room to debate here… and yet here someone is, debating.
52. Nobody’s done it but that would be so awesome if it happened.
In case you didn’t know, the Sphinx and the pyramids are enormous objects that are intricately made and are so heavy that they can’t be moved. So if someone actually found a way to steal them completely intact, that would be impressive.
53. This is some truly wild thinking.
If you look for patterns in the world, you’re sure to find them everywhere—they just might not make a whole lot of sense. In the case of our silverware, everybody uses everything regardless of their gender… so we’re a little lost on this one.
54. Don’t trust this guy.
If you’re cooking a steak, feel free to cook it to whatever level of done-ness your heart desires. But if you’re cooking a chicken breast, I want that think completely blasted through with heat. Keep that salmonella far away from me, thank you.
Look, if you’re going to go through life not knowing about anything at all and also never learning about it, you have to at least do the world a favor and keep it to yourself. When you say things like this to someone else in 2019 it just confuses them and makes them afraid. Please stop.
Though it goes without saying, we all make mistakes. From time to time, we all put our foot in our mouth and say something we didn’t mean or that we didn’t think through. In those unfortunate circumstances, sometimes we get lucky enough that it’s hilarious and someone else writes it down. If you don’t want to end up on one of these lists, think through what you’re saying next time, maybe?
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