“What is required is the ability to drive a 23-foot RV around the state of Washington. The job is part time, so it appears the rest of your week can be dedicated to touristy RV fun.”

When people ask what you do for a living you can simply say a luxurious pee collector.

“The posting was headlined, ‘Scare my child. Will pay,'” says Bryon. “I had to inquire.” It turned out to be exactly as stupid as what you’re expecting. A father wanted a stranger to scare his child straight.”

When the Mom got home she was less than impressed.

I’ve had a moustache and beard often on over the years and I’ve tried styling in the past but I just can’t seem to get it to the next level. I’m looking for some srs protests with this as well as possibly some styling services by someone with skilled hands.”

This ad wouldn’t be so bad, but he asks for a beard and mustache resume and pictures of their work. Now, why wouldn’t the guy just go to his local barber, or is he really looking for something more.

“For the sake of research, women ages 18 to 30 are invited to participate in a study on alcohol and social interactions. While they’re looking for all ethnicities (their emphasis, not mine), only women who are unattached will qualify. Up to $350 in Amazon gift certificates are on the line!”

Sounds a little fishy. Are 18-year-olds legally permitted to drink alcohol?

“I am a Paul Simon fan in my mid 30 is my name is Al the past 20 years I’ve been searching for a friend named Betty with whom I can sing the Paul Simon song you can call me out. Imagine how much fun we could have singing along with the lyrics pointing at each other when our names are mentioned.”

Sounds a little unusual. What happens when he creates a passion for another song that might be more explicit?

“I was paid $40 to wait in a car on some residential street,” says Bryon. “[The guy] said he might need a ride from there, and didn’t want it to be from Uber because he would need it immediately. He stressed that it wasn’t for anything illegal when I asked him and only said, ‘I’ll need you only if I can’t drive away.’ I had no idea what that meant, but I thought maybe he would get drunk and need a ride home.”

This is really taking your chances. Try explaining this one to the police if you ended up being an accomplish to a crime you didn’t know about.

“Here, you’ll be flipping them all day long at Chris Cakes of Colorado in Evergreen, Colo. Sadly, there will be other job requirements that will take away from the tossing time, which include but are not limited to light building maintenance.”

There are two sides to every pancake.

“I had to send in a picture and a list of likes, then a woman selected me to be her date for a night. I met her at a restaurant … she was very overweight, short, and had a missing fingernail. She also said ‘retard’ to describe every person she met, which was a little uncomfortable. And she talked almost the entire time.”

At the end of the evening, he just assumed she was lonely and wanted someone to have dinner with her and talk.

“There is a Phoenix restroom in need of three “mature male restroom attendants” for crowd control. Don’t think you can slack off just because your office is the men’s room. This job requires someone with a professional look and demeanor who can provide at least four premium colognes.”

Unlimited bathroom breaks are provided. Not the sweetest job in the world.

“The good patrons of Lawrenceville Mercer Mall in New Jersey are in for a treat. European Wax Center is hiring an enthusiastic and friendly person to dress up in a gorilla suit to hand out free wax cards six hours a day.”

The person must be friendly and hand out free waxing services cards for six hours a day. The message must be Europeans are as hairy as gorillas. Better hope the days are not too hot.

“He’s bought a special pooper scooper and everything. “On a few jobs, I actually went back to my storage locker and got my Shop-Vac and literally vacuumed backyards of dog poop. On the last house I cleaned, the owner went outside and walked around.”

A shitty job I’d say.

“If you’re an open-minded, honest, clean, hard worker in Austin, Texas, this could be the job for you! Tasks may include hand-feeding mini-marshmallows, racing shopping carts and playing Pictionary. Applicants must like childlike, innocent fun and submit a resume in Haiku form.”

Who in their right mind would want to work for nothing just because it is fun?

“An industrious home-groomer in Asheville, N.C., needs help with his “rockin’ awesome cat” as he gives it a haircut. While the half-hour gig only pays $10 in cash, the holder-downer will also be compensated with beer, good music and stimulating conversation. To ease applicants’ worries, the description states: “You may bring a companion, alert the authorities of your whereabouts and do anything else you need to make sure you feel safe.”

No mention about danger pay, if kitty decides to not like you.

“premier provider of crime scene clean up services” seeks technicians in New Hampshire on an on-call basis to respond to extreme cleaning situations. These can include death scenes, meth labs, hoarders, trauma, workplace accidents with significant blood spills and general gross filth.”

At first glance, excited applicants may have thought they were going to be the next CSI star.

“But when I got there, there was a huge pile of snorkels waiting outside. It had to be over 100. He told me where to drive them. As he shoveled them into my trunk, I looked up where he wanted me to go, and it was this town nowhere close to the ocean. When I got there … it was this old farmhouse.”

This guy showed a lot of restraint by not asking any questions.

“I was hired on this one job to make some sort of moth-killing fluid,” says Bryon. “I showed up in this nearly empty strip mall store. This really friendly guy came out, shook my hand, and led me in. Inside were just all these bags of mothballs. My job was to crush them into a fine powder with him and his son.”

Wonder if they supplied nose plug, the smell of those moth balls must have been near unbearable.

“It was Palm Sunday,” says Bryon. “A really big church had a bunch of palm fronds, and we were instructed to wave the fronds and give one to everyone we saw. Me and this woman were assigned an intersection, and since it was warm, all the windows were down, so we could talk with them. But they rolled up the windows.”

Well at least they had been palm leaves to fan themselves with.

“All I had to do was keep someone’s elderly father company all day and help around when he needed it. He had promised never to send his dad to a nursing home, so he stayed at home with him. He also couldn’t afford a full-time caregiver, and the VA only sent a nurse out three times a week.”

The ad didn’t really define help around when needed. This guy could have got himself into more than he bargained for when he took on this job.

“I was selected to be a temporary loader off a Craigslist ad at a few outbuildings at someone’s house,” says Bryon, “and they literally gave me the keys to a forklift and said to move a bunch of boxes from one building to another. I said I didn’t know how to, but they sighed and said to please try because they had no one else.”

Talk about desperation. They obviously had not concept about the potential danger involved here. I would have asked for hazzard pay.

“This could be the best job EVER!” Here’s your chance to be the alpha dog at your workplace in a very literal way. Pack Leaders supervise and play with active canines all day long. Keep in mind, most dogs in day care are either too precious (spoiled) to be left alone during working hours or too neurotic — where is Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan when you need him?”

Not exactly what it sounds like. This job is basically a doggie daycare worker. The additional duty of picking up dog poop is an added responsibility. Great job for dog lovers though.

“Are you a ghost surfing the web. Documentary style program is looking to contact a ghost on the Internet you are dead and reading this please respond what is your name how did you pass away while you surfing the Internet.”

Can you imagine if someone showed up in the middle of the night for this job interview. Wonder how the employer would respond.

“I am looking for an art Kelly impersonator to follow me around this Saturday and narrate everything I do is if it’s part of the song trapped in the closet. Hourly rate is negotiable all applicants are subject to audition. Looks are irrelevant.”

I wonder who may be trapped in the closet?

“I need a mad scientist clone dog. It is the best dog in the universe and there should be two or more if in existence. I have $60. Thank you. NO FLAKES.”

No flakes because he doesn’t want any competition?

“So my boyfriend is buying a house on Wednesday. An old house. Built in the 40s. And I firmly believe it’s haunted. Like ghosts and shit just flying out walls. So in the event we walk in there and find out there some omens level shit going down I need to have the number of a good exorcist.”

Do you think this is her boyfriend’s way of getting rid of her?

“I am quite sure most of you have seen the rather large green dragon that is been flying over the North East side of Grand Rapids for the better part of the week. I am looking for someone to one lure said Dragon away from Grand Rapids to a more rural area. To force said Dragon to land in rural area. Slay said Dragon and what ever way you see fit.”

I wonder what kind of drugs this person is taking. Or if he sees pink elephants too.

“I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape. I hate exercising with passions of the plan of action is this. I ingest Rohypnol (use apply the roofies as I don’t know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours.”

No wonder this person needs a jogging partner as they are displaying the height of laziness.

“I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs. now and I still have 2 weeks to go. I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is snug as a bug in my uterus. I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early.”

Girl, let nature take its course. Its not likely the little one is going to listen to a Jedi at this point anyway.

“The grace of our Lord church seeks a new Lord worship. Candidates must be monotheistic in nature with at least 3000 years of experience. Absolutely no animal or human sacrifice must be required. Deities that do not forbid bacon or alcohol are preferred.”

How holy can this person be?

“it’s kind of a fun change of pace by wife and I want to have a fancy dinner at McDonald’s. I need someone who is willing to be our waiter so that we can make this happen. We will show up for dinner wearing formal attire. You must provide your own formal attire for this gig. Slacks dress shoes and a button-down shirt and tie or a dark cocktail dress and flat. I will provide you with the tablecloth in nice place and wine glasses.”

MacDonalds! Really, you couldn’t think of any place better?

“I need someone with a car Monday (Houston). I have a court date early tomorrow morning in concord. I need a ride up and back.”

This guy must have missed a few court dates. The Ad seems simple enough provided the destination is authentic and its not a scheduled robbery.

“Help me locate a person for $100 cash … I will pay you $100 cash if you can locate someone name Joe A. …Loves to eat and review restaurants. He is overweight. Has a dog.”

Aren’t there professionals that do this? Hopefully, anyone who fills this job position finds the right Joe A.

“I want to buy a thong from a latina 18+ (Houston) . If you are Latina, hot, 18+ send me an email I will buy your thong. Thanks. Must smell good.”

Disgusting Ad. Disgusting person!

“Can you help me pay for my smog ckeck and auto service to fix my car. Can you pay for some speaker for my car. Can you pay for my car interior to get done…. No sexual favors or nudity involved, you just by me stuff financially.”

This gal is looking for a guy with the word “sucker” written across his forehead.

“Pregnant and or lactating women wanted . We are looking for women that are pregnant and showing or lactating or both. You must be over 18 with id. This is a video gig.”

What pregnant woman is going to want to be on her feet for who knows how many hours to do a gig?

“Cam with me (Los Angeles) . I am looking for a cool attractive girl I can skype (nudity is not required) and I will pay for your time via paypal.”

This sounds like one of those “proceed with caution” type of jobs.

“Hi. I need someone to take my 10 question math test. As soon as possible. The quiz is Precalculus on Conic Sections….the time limit is one hour. I need a good grade.”

This guy is pretty desperate. Can you imagine if his teacher responded to the ad?

“Bi-Lingual (English Spanish) person needed to monitor existing Laundromat usage. Person would be required to track each machine usage each ½ hour.”

Lunch and dinner included but what happened to breakfast

“If you are 18+ twerk dancer and want to do a professional twerk video I have a studio and lighting and all I need is you.”

The person has studio and lighting but doesn`t mention any camera equipment. Hmm.

“A little person is needed in Fayetteville, Arkansas to greet someone at an airport. Must be between 2’8″ and 4’8”.

Payment for the job is free dinner. How humiliating for both parties.

“This Delaware haunted house is in need of ghouls. Bonus if you can drive a tractor.”

What does a tractor have to do with anything

“Experienced mascot needed in New York City to greet conference attendees. Monkey suit provided.”

Sound like monkey business to me.

This company is advertising for bikini mowers. Job offers a good tan. Ad states it really does exist. Wonder whos watching the mowing.

“An extremely hairy (arms especially) female model is needed in Sacramento. This job pays $1,000 a day!”

I don`t think this job is just modeling.

“This Boston-area farm needs help bottling raw milk. Cookies not included.”

Not a job for Santa.

“Must Have Own Transportation, May Include Some Stomping” ($150/3 hours)”

Easy money for this one.

“Squeamish people need not apply. A good sense of humor is a plus! Must attend unpaid training to use LouseBuster™”

This job could drive a person buggy.

“For Monogamous Couples Only” (up to $700 in cash and gift cards)”

Couples opting for this job must be pretty desperate for money.

“Young professional seeks attractive, well-spoken woman to accompany him to his family’s holiday dinner. I work too much to date and can’t stand the nagging from relatives wondering why I haven’t found that special lady.”

So sad this guy works too much to date for real.

“The Hollywood outpost of the chain is currently seeking a studio artist who can help maintain those ultra-realistic wax figures. You need experience in a creative field like costume repair and design, hair styling, or oil painting. A background working with wax heads or special effects makeup is a plus.”

This one may not seem too bad if they have had previous experience working as a mortician maybe.

“If you like to eat ramen noodles (NOT out of a cup) we may want to speak to you. We are conducting a taste test of ramen noodles that cook in the pot or pan.”

$40 for an hour’s work, and a free meal is not too shabby.