Nowadays, having a child can be tough. There’s almost an infinite amount of pressure one feels from the responsibility of raising a baby. It involves countless nights of no sleep, tired mornings, barely an appetite, and patience that can topple mountains. The task is one that is only fit for certain people willing to muster the strength to do it.
For others, they’d rather avoid the entire thing like the plague. Babies, toddlers, infants, kids- no matter what they’re called, it’s all the same to these trailblazers who prefer not to raise a young life. Going against tradition has its sets of problems, though.
These 50 Twitter posts comment about preconceptions, experiences, and even discrimination towards those who prefer to lead a child-free life. If you’re a parent, take a peek into what you’ve been missing all these years. And if you’re still debating whether to have a child, then you need to read what some of these folks have to say about it!
1) Hold My Cat
Cats are silent, engaged, and adorable. Most newborn babies only display one of those three qualities. We can’t blame you for holding onto your furry friend in pure bliss.
2) Uncle Child-Free
Nowhere to go and nowhere to be. That’s the life of an uncle. No worries of screaming children for any reason and can easily spend time with kids without having to commit and take one home.
3) Good Luck Chuck
Don’t forget a bib and pacifier. Having the tools of the trade will equip you much better than just “good luck.” Let’s hope this poor soul is happy knowing they’ll never get the same sleep again.
4) Series of Unfortunate Events
The timeline goes deep once you have a child. This person has the uncanny ability to peer into his future of unfortunate events while having one. Thankfully, it was all just a Twitter dream.
5) Chips, Not Children
Honestly, it’s every big kid’s dream come true. You’ll never have to share a potato chip bag with someone as long as you’re child-free. One of the best perks about being single without a doubt.
6) Genius Giraffes
Giraffes-1, children-0. Infants can definitely impress, but most times they don’t do very many interesting things except look at you with their big googly eyes. One day they’ll be more advanced and will be able to communicate the solution to cure their random cry sessions.
7) Enigmatic Incantations
Nobody really knows the future. Despite this fact, this person knows they don’t want kids in this life nor the next. Best to let those with no ambition for children just be.
8) Awesome Auntie
What’s better than leading a stress-free life with no kids? Rarely anything in this world. You can go to and from vacation without a hassle and not have to worry about burning a hole in your pocket. At least, that’s what this cool auntie’s idea is of a perfect life.
9) The Next Episode
That really depends on the type of cartoon it is now doesn’t it? In all seriousness, this is a funny way to seriously give advice about what to think about when thinking about children. Some people, like this Twitter poster, have turned off the tv and don’t watch cartoons anymore.
10) Fiduciary Freedom
Without a doubt, people burn through more money once they have a kid. When it comes to the expenses of a child, you have to be prepared for anything and everything. Just make sure you’ve counted your earnings before passing it on to the next generation.
11) The End Of The Bloodline
As if every parent knew what they were talking about. Odds are, they’re probably regretting it behind closed doors. In any case, this person feels like they have no moral obligation to pass on their lineage.
12) Future Generations
Speaking about passing the lineage, this person puts up a good reason why not to! It goes to show you that you can’t try to suggest parenting to those who are sure of what they’re missing. The logic does not seem to fail on this gem of a comment whatsoever.
13) There’s A Big Difference
Better to think positively than negatively. This person seems to agree and views not having a child as a completely positive experience. Freedom doesn’t come free, and this person knows this to be true.
14) Adulting 101
There’s no real way to do adulting right. You either do it or don’t do it at all. And given that this person has no kids, we’re sure her next vacation will be a pleasantly quiet one to remember.
15) Sleeping Beauty
One of the best luxuries of being child-free is that you can pretty much sleep into whatever time you’d like! Sleep your troubles away while you don’t get interrupted by 3 a.m. shrieks coming from the baby crib. Think about what you’ll be giving up once you have that child!
16) Auntie Shark
Back on the topic of cool aunts, this one seems to think she’s a bonafide shark. Nothing fazes her swim as she navigates the waters in a stress-free manner. Who could blame her for making the right call?
17) Tired Yet?
You’ll come to realize the limits of the human body once you have a child. Your mini-me will test you, whether on purpose or accidentally, on how much patience you can muster before you lose it. Just remember that when you think you’re tired, having a child makes it infinitely better on the body for you.
18) Swing Into Action
You’re never too old to have fun. Even if you’re this 38-year-old who is totally fine in enjoying themself with a swing set in their backyard. Go on and do your thing you childfree warrior!
19) Very Baby
Some people say babies are the cutest organisms on the face of the planet. Others have stated that babies resemble weird extraterrestrials that didn’t know how to balance their heads. Regardless, they can both agree that you probably can’t look away from a baby. Just dont’ get hypnotized by their innocently cute smile: that’s how they get ya.
20) Family Of Two
Most people think about families as consisting of a couple and a child. The modern rendition is so much more, but at the same time, so much less. Let’s stop judging people who don’t meet our predisposed expectations of what it means to be a family.
21) Three Times Is A Charm
Don’t be scared by superstition. It’s more likely you’ll actually have a kid, then to be surprised from this imaginary middle-aged person. Cut the witchcraft out and make sure you know the reasons why you’ve decided on no kids.
22) Who Needs Numbers
Remember all the discussions involving children’s age? It’s funny to think some mom’s will still use months even after they’ve turned past 1 year old. It’s like their child never grew up in the first place and they can somehow keep them young forever. One of the many symptoms of birthing, raising, and living with a child.
23) Hot Potatoe!
Just like the game, this person put this baby down like if it was on fire! No hesitation on avoiding an awkward child moment. Some of us truly want nothing to do with kids, especially if they get thrusted on us by their parents.
24) Leisure Reading
If you’ve got no kids, then you know what it’s like to enjoy some spare time for yourself. This person knows the value of taking a Saturday off to catch up on their favorite novel. Unless you’re willling to drop your hobby to take the time and commitment to raise a child, they you’re not ready for such a big task. Remember what Uncle Ben said: with great power comes great responsibility.
25) Birth Control Scream
Truer words have never been spoken before. If you’ve never experienced a nightmare before, then you’ve not heard a baby crying in the middle of the night. Once you do, you’ll realize how far away you actually are to achieving parenthood.
26) Permanent Kids
Many things are temporary in this life. Having a child is not one of those things. If you’re okay with committing to a tattoo, then that should give you a rough indication as to what to expect once you have a child. Basically, if you believe you can’t commit to something for multiple years, then it’s probably best to remain childless.
27) Refunds Accepted
Uncles truly have it made. They’re basically the parents without the strings attached. It must be nice to tread the thin line of being a father, all while having the complete disinterest of an older brother.
28) Modern Family
What does a family consist of? This person wants to normalize two people families because a child should not be a requirement that constitutes having a family. The idea is hard for some people to digest, but once you put yourself in other people’s shoes, then we’ll have a better understanding of where they’re coming from.
29) Cry Me A River
Crying is officially acceptable under the pretense of having a child. It’s enough to break the strongest man and make him weep for days. Yea, the truth about it is having a child is the toughest thing you’ll ever do. We understand if it’s not your time.
30) Drop It Like It’s Hot
Ron Weasley’s look says it all. Some people are legitimately terrified of having children. It’s to the point where they will seriously avoid having to do anything with them. They’re smelly, loud, and can pee/poo at any instant. Who wants to carry such a thing?
31) Rest Easy
Honestly, not a bad way of recognizing childless women. I mean, if we congratulate those who have children, maybe we should start acknowledging those who don’t. It’s only fair and can bring about a more understanding society as a result.
32) Early Start
Baby factories start too early for comfort. Appreciate your early 20s as a formative time for your growth, not to be used for actively reproducing. Look to the 25+year-olds with no kids for some guidance in that department if you’re in need of it.
My, oh my. How the tides have turned. This is the case for many parents who have great early parenthoods and then things descend into madness from there. Don’t jinx it unless you’re okay with reaping the seeds that you sow.
34) Dinner For Two
When there’s a child in the womb, you might as well have a tapeworm inside your belly. All it wants to do is kick and get its daily nutrients for its survival. Those mommy pounds are sure to come no matter what you try to do, so be ready!
35) Complete Transformation
Transforming from a baby to a puppy would be ideal to those who aren’t very fond of kids. Quieter and more tame would be the benefits. Seems like a small trade-off, but wait until you start losing hours of sleep and the wrinkles under your eyes start to weigh more than cinder blocks.
36) Skipping Rocks
This one is a bit excessive. Nobody really wants to inflict pain on an innocent child even if they do scream at the top of their lungs. Although a howling dog does sound much nicer than a screaming baby the more you think about it…
37) Quarantine Nightmare
Imagine spending an entire 24/7 with a mouth that won’t close. It needs food, it needs attention, and it needs some love. Some of these things are not affordable by certain people, and that’s okay too. They’ll be 30 years old trying to survive quarantine with an uncontrollable child who will show them exactly why they decided to have a child during the quarantine.
38) The Normal Things That Go Away
Even a regular dinner at a restaurant can be the most dramatic event of your life once you have kids. Some kids are picky eaters, throw food, vomit randomly, and some even don’t know how to keep utensils on top of the table. It’s always a constant balancing act when it comes to having kids no matter where you go.
39) Baby Forever
If people treated babies like tattoos, they’ll be plenty of reconsiderations to go around. Once they truly realize how long the haul is, they’ll quickly start to reconsider. At least the tattoos aren’t quite as expensive as raising a child, for what that’s worth!
40) Pull Out Pronto
The pull out method has been tried and tested to be ineffective for a variety of reasons. Next time you think of doing it, just refer to the dollar amount this person spent on daycare last year. Catching your eye now? Maybe its time to reconsider that second child once you start to see the digits line up more clearly.