50 Vintage Ads That Would Definitely Be Banned Today

The early days of the United States were truly a different era, and it’s crazy how much things have changed over the years.

These vintage ads that were commonplace and normal at the time they were produced are so unbelievably offensive now that it’s hard to imagine we’re still living in the same country. They are not only shocking but kind of hilarious at the same time… in a bad way that is.

The good news is that we have come a long way since then, and honestly, at this point, all we can really do is laugh about the USA’s politically incorrect past. Now that enough time has passed, we can look back at these offensive ads and appreciate just how ridiculous they are.

1. Ashtray

This is what every woman really wants — to be treated like a cigar. The ad also says that cigar smoking keeps a person young. We find that hard to believe.

2. Opening bottles

Bottles can be tough to open sometimes. However, don’t worry. This new ketchup bottle was designed so that now anyone can open it, even a woman! Imagine that…

3. Man’s world

If you wear Van Heusen ties you will be treated like a king. Your wife will live to serve you and be incredibly happy about it at the same time. After all, it’s a man’s world!

4. Bridesmaids

“Edna’s case was a really pathetic one. Like every woman, her primary ambition was to marry.” Being a bridesmaid and not a bride is pathetic? Wow. We learn something new every day.

5. Losing weight

It turns out, losing weight has nothing to do with counting calories or exercise. Nope. The real secret is consuming lifesavers. “The latest dietetic findings show that sugar is the best ‘fire’ to burn away the body fats”, the ad explains.

6. Going out

What’s better than going out? Pizza in a box! When you need to feed a group of boys, or want to have a date night with your special someone, there is nothing better than Chef Boy-Ar-Dee pizza.

7. Projection equipment

Wait, what is the product being advertised again? That’s right. Projection equipment. Focus on the projection equipment. There’s nothing else to see here.

8. Cooking

There is nothing worse than burning the food while cooking. Luckily, this housewife has a very understanding husband. This husband knows what’s really important — the beer.

9. Rugs… or slacks?

This ad is so bad, it’s hard to even make a joke about it. While at first glance, it appears as though they are selling rugs, what is actually on display here are the man’s slacks. Apparently, Mr. Leggs is actually a brand of pants.

10. Menstrual cramps

According to this ad, it is not the woman who suffers the most from menstrual cramps, but actually the husband. While he doesn’t have blood and tissue literally evacuating from his vagina every month, he does have to deal with his wife’s change in attitude. Oh, the horror!

11. Built like our products

This construction equipment advertisement literally shows zero actual equipment. They decided a better strategy was to compare their products to a woman’s body instead. “Heavy where she has to take the strain,” it reads.

12. Messy hair

This woman is so sick of her messy hair that she is ready to kill herself over it. Luckily, Charles Antell shampoo is here to save the day. Shampoo saves lives.

13. Family decisions

Big decisions like what to do about the Vietnam war are better left up to the man of the house. But Don’t worry women, you will still get some say on the decision about what furniture to buy. That’s real justice.

14. Gaposis

This woman’s gaposis is ruining her date. In case you don’t know what gaposis is, dictionary.com defines it as “a noticeable gap or series of gaps between the fastened buttons or snaps on an overly tight garment.”

15. Sports knowledge

Never ask a woman about sports. They don’t have knowledge of that. Women are beautiful exquisite creatures that only know about girl things… you know, things like cooking and sewing, and looking in mirrors.

16. Brushing your teeth

Brush your teeth or your man will leave you, warns this advertisement. While, we actually kind of agree that no one likes morning breath, and brushing teeth is important, the ad itself is probably a little over the top.

17. Beat your wife

There is nothing more fun than beating your wife (at bowling, of course). While as far as we can tell, the ad is not encouraging to actually beat anybody up, we still can’t believe anyone ever thought this was an acceptable topic to joke about.

18. Smoking

The casual attitude that used to exist towards smoking is pretty gross. When you go with Marlboro, there is no such thing as feeling over-smoked, this ad claims. Making matters worse is the fact it is encouraging smoking with a baby around.

19. Christmas gifts

Want to make your wife happy? Buy her a vacuum for Christmas. She will love you forever. Just make sure you get a Hoover though. Other vacuums just don’t have the same love instilling effect.

20. Men are funny

Forget everything you know about glamour, ladies. Men are funny, and really the number one thing you can do to assure you get that guy you’ve been dreaming about is to buy some Colgate Dental Cream.

21. Brain tonic

This Coca Cola brain tonic stuff sounds great. Good for headaches, relieves mental and physical exhaustion… You have to wonder if this ad was made before or after Coca Cola removed the actual cocaine from their recipe. We’re guessing before.

22. Listen, honey

Honestly, just the fact that the ad is trying to appeal to females by referring to a woman as “honey” is a little offensive and demeaning right off the bat. Not to mention how it refers to big hips on a woman as a potential problem.

23. Flying

When going on a cross country trip, always fly Delta. The good looking female flight attendants are at your service and will make your traveling experience a pleasure. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to air travel.

24. Hypnotists

Take your creepiness to the next level and learn how to hypnotize women. “Want the thrill of impending your will over someone?” Don’t worry, this book has got you covered!

25. Chubbettes

Hey there, chubbettes. If your young lass under the age of 18 is looking a little plump, we have the perfect product for you. Buy this slimmer and transform that chubby lass into a lady of class.

26. Whiskey

“As long as you’re up, you might as well fetch me a whiskey, dear”. Let’s see…how about….. no. Yeah, we’re going to go with no.

27. Coffee

Buying bad coffee is a punishable offense. You should always be “store-testing” for better coffee. Failure to do so will result in getting beaten.

28. Pens

It’s great that even way back when this ad was created Parker was already thinking about gender equality. Parker’s girl-size pens write just as good as the man-size ones, and they are small enough that even the tiniest of paws can handle them, no problem.

29. Muscles

Skinny wimps listen up. What really makes a real man? Muscles. Muscles, and violence, of course. Start working out now and before you know it, you too can be the hero of the beach.

30. Action pants

Men of action need pants that are up to the task. Normal pants just aren’t going to cut it. The best part about action pants is the extra large snack sack. Every man needs a pair of pants with a snack sack.

31. Hygiene

She had all these great wifely qualities, but her hygiene… oh her hygiene. If only she had used Lysol down there, she could have scored 100% on the wife rating scale. At least she’s cheerful though, and never nagged or moped.

32. Indelicate women

Indelicate women are the worst. Society simply won’t stand for them! Luckily, there is a very easy way for a woman to restore her wholesomeness. She just has to use a little Amolin deodorant.

33. Cleanliness

Internal cleanliness is so important. In fact, “failure to practice hygiene often results in needless tragedies”… tragedies such as loss of social invitations, and in chronic cases, even broken homes!

34. Telephones

It’s crucial that you learn the right way to use a telephone. Hold the receiver close to your ear, say hello, and remember, never let anyone talk on, and on, and on. If they do, you must say “I’m sorry, but I have to stop now. Thank you for calling.”

35. Just wow…

Some ads are just on a whole other level offensiveness. This one might win the contest. We can’t believe this ad actually happened and was deemed acceptable to print.

36. Aging secrets

Want to know the secret to aging better? If you rub Palmolive on your skin, your skin will stay looking young forever. Don’t be a fool and let yourself get “middle-age skin”!

37. Pears’ Soap

Honestly, we’re not entirely sure what is going on in this advertisement. However, one thing we can guarantee is that whatever it is, it is definitely super offensive. There is no arguing that.

38. Cigarette diet

The cigarette diet is the best diet. Simply light up a toasted Lucky Strike and smoke your way to a better figure. The more you smoke, the skinnier you get.

39. The racist soap company

Pears’ soap really has got these racist ads down to a science. If you got a bunch of marketers in a room, and asked the question, “What is the most racist and offensive advertisement we could possibly print?”, something like this would probably be the result.

40. Guns

“Give your boy the thrill he always wanted!” Get him a rifle. The younger the better. There is nothing that says family fun quite like a Winchester 22.

41. Flight attendants

This is great advice. Think of the flight attendant as your mother. Remember, it’s not weird at all. In fact, it’s the American Way!

42. Shoes

“Keep her where she belongs…” There are a lot of potential ways to finish this sentence, none of them good. Oh, and buy some shoes!

43. Television

This ad gives great parenting advice. Encourage your kids to watch more television. TV is great for the growing mind and can even help them to get better marks in school. You should let your kids watch as much of it as they want.

44. Lysol

Marriage problems? The most likely cause of all marital distress is a lack of feminine hygiene. Women all need to go out and buy a big ol’ bottle of Lysol. Lysol cures basically everything.

45. Baby soft

There is so much wrong with this ad. For starters, how about the age of the girl they are displaying here? Sexualizing children is not okay.

46. Sex appeal

Are you skinny as a twig and want to gain more sex appeal? No problem. Just consume ironized yeast. It will allow you to put on “10 to 25 pounds of solid flesh” in just a few weeks.

47. Recruitment

While yes, this recruitment ad is definitely offensive, at least it’s not from our current era. Let’s all take a moment to consider ourselves lucky that we live in a country and time period where there are no major world wars going on.

48. Pregnancy

This ad shows a blatant and sickening disregard for the health of unborn babies. It is shocking to think that people used to be so oblivious to how harmful smoking while pregnant is.

49. Donuts

The stomach is a way to a man’s heart right? Nothing locks down a good man quite like a plate of donuts. Don’t forget to bring along your ball and chain so you can officially make him yours.

50. Drunk

It’s pretty self-explanatory what’s wrong with this ad. A weird guy trying to get a woman drunk so he can take advantage of her? Yeah, not okay buddy.

Please SHARE this with your friends and family.

Article Sources:

Source: Comedy Central

To learn more read our Editorial Standards.