We all hate them. Those incessant calls from telemarketers at all hours of the day.
And we all have our own ways of dealing with them. I’m able to screen calls from strangers simply by using ringtones. Everyone in my contact list has a single common ringtone. If your number is not in my contacts, the default ringtone is used. And I simply ignore calls that come in with that ringtone. If it was something important, the caller will leave a message and I can call them back.
Others like to have a lot more fun with how they deal with telemarketers, and I’m sharing a list of 50 examples here.
I would like to add one thing though. Not all telemarketers are scammers. Some of them are just people who have a soul-sucking job and are trying to earn a living.
1. Hello caller, you’re on the air
No telemarketer wants to know they’re being recorded. They definitely don’t want to be live on air. Chances are very good they are going to hang up immediately.
Source:
NeedPix
2. He’s taking a dump right now…
You tell the caller that you will pass the phone to the person they are asking for, but they’ll likely hang up. If they don’t, start grunting aggressively into the phone, and they hang up.
Source:
Pixabay
3. Have your own pitch ready
Be super friendly. You’re so glad they called because you have time to share. Speaking of which, you sell timeshares and you would love to tell them about it. Just talk over their pitch.
Source:
Pixabay
4. Gotta go!
This family has a prearranged scenario. Whoever answers the phone gives a single to one of the kids, who start screaming. Then you can say something like your child is on fire, so you’ve got to go.
Source:
Pixabay
5. Toddler to the rescue
The suggestion here is to give the phone to a toddler if you have access to one. Then tell them to tell the nice person on the phone all about their day.
Source:
Pixabay
6. You need to adapt
For this one you need to be a bit on the ball. For example, if someone is calling to sell you dental insurance you tell them you have no teeth.
Source:
NeedPix
7. Make up some numbers
You can go high or low here. If you have debt consolidators calling to offer a loan, tell them you have a super low amount of debt and they won’t be interested. Tell them you have a super high number and they will run scared.
Source:
Pixabay
8. Make up a model
Clearly these callers aren’t always paying attention, or just don’t have all the info they need. If they are calling selling car warranties, make up a model. One Redditor claims to have told the caller he had a Jeep Star Destroyer or Toyota Skywalker!
Source:
Pixabay
9. Ambulance chasers
Getting calls from someone who thinks you’ve been in an accident and telling you they can get you the money you deserve. Tell them you were decapitated and ask how much you can get for that.
Source:
Pixabay
10. He’s no longer with us
If a caller asks for a specific person, tell them that person is now deceased. This will typically stump the caller, either out of sympathy or they just don’t know who to ask for next.
Source:
Pixabay
11. This is diabolical
One Redditor says he pretends to be really stressed out and asks the caller to make animal noises as it calms him down. Then he starts breathing hard and when they stop, he says, “I’m almost there.” They hang up.
Source:
Pexels
12. Law enforcement
Pick your favorite branch of law enforcement or go for the most applicable. Answer by saying, “sheriff’s department, fraud division.”
Source:
Wikipedia
13. The polite approach
You could try telling the caller they’d reached a business number so please put it on their do not call list. It actually works.
Source:
Pixabay
14. You tried to be polite
You’ve asked them to stop calling. They keep calling. So after pressing through to get a real person, you begin to tell them about the computer problems you supposedly have. But talk very quietly and when they turn up the sound at their end, blast them with a whistle.
Source:
Pixabay
15. Please hold a moment
When you get a call from a telemarketer ask them to hold. Then hit redial for the last telemarketer to call and add them to the conversation. Then hang up and let the two of them figure out what just happened.
Source:
Public Domain Pictures
16. You don’t speak English
Pick a language of your choice. It really doesn’t matter if you actually speak the language or not. Gibberish works too.
Source:
NeedPix
17. Ambulance chaser variation 2
Another way to handle these calls. When they say they heard you were in an accident that wasn’t your fault share with them a detailed account of how you were drunk driving and crashed because of a police chase. So yes, it wasn’t your fault, it was theirs.
Source:
Pixabay
18. Turn it around on them
Tell them you sell whatever they are selling. If they are calling to clean you ducts, you own a duct cleaning business. If they are calling about lawn care, you own a lawn care business.
Source:
Pixabay
19. The unexpected answer
You can really throw someone off with an answer no one would expect. If you’re asked if you would like the chance at winning a large sum of money, the answer is typically yes. Saying no, because you already have a lot of money would generally stump someone who can’t think past their script.
Source:
Pixabay
20. Introduce religion
You caller asks if you have time and want to hear about their product. Your reply is that you do have time as long as they first let you tell them about your Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Source:
Pixabay
21. Channel Seinfeld
Remember the Seinfeld episode when Jerry gets a telemarketing call? He says he’s interested but doesn’t have time and asks for the caller’s home number so he can call back later that night.
Source:
Wikipedia
22. Heavy silence
Heavy breathing works here too. When you get a telemarketing call, answer the phone with complete silence. Or heavy breathing. Don’t speak a word at all.
Source:
Pixabay
23. Leave them holding the phone
Answer the call and be pleasant. Yes, you’re very interested in their product but you’re just in the middle of something. Could they hold for a moment? Then just set the phone down and check back in five or ten minutes. They are likely gone.
Source:
Flickr
24. Your life story
Tell them you are so happy that someone called. You never get a chance to speak to anyone. Then begin with a long sob story about pets you have lost, the job you lost, then the power getting cut off… They will hang up soon enough.
Source:
Pixabay
25. Robokiller apps
If you don’t feel like wasting your own time with these calls, you can use an app that answers 800 numbers. They are prerecorded conversations that string the caller along, and some of them are quite hysterical.
Source:
Pexels
26. I’m dead
Make sure it’s a telemarketer before you do this. If it’s a debt collector your credit will disappear. If the caller asks for you by name, ask where they are calling from. If it’s a telemarketer, tell them that person has died and start crying. Your name will be removed from their list.
Source:
Pixabay
27. City morgue
If you know the call if from a telemarketer, answer with “City Morgue.” In a lot of cases the caller will just ignore this but take it further. When the caller asks for someone by name, tell them you need to check toe tags.
Source:
Flickr
28. I’m a minor
Telemarketers need to speak with an adult. If I child answers, they will ask for a parent. If you don’t sound like a child but they ask for you, tell them you are under 18 and you are going to call the police.
Source:
Wikipedia
29. Congratulations!
Put your hands in the air and scream with joy! This is Radio Station X, and you are our 99th caller. You’re on the air. Tell us your name!
Source:
Pixabay
30. Ambulance chaser variation 3
Who know these calls were so common? In this case the asks the person who answers about his accident, who replies he hadn’t been in an accident. But the caller was persistent. Was anyone else in the family in an accident? At which point the answer was along the lines of “oh, no! My wife is out with the car now. She must have been in an accident,” and hangs up.
Source:
Pixabay
31. Animal facts
One Redditor explains that when he was a child, he was obsessed with Animal Planet. When a telemarketer called his dad would put him on the line to share his animal knowledge, until the caller hung up.
Source:
Wikipedia
32. You killed her
A husband answered a telemarketing call meant for his wife. He asked who was calling and they told him it was about herbal green vitamins. He told the caller his wife was dead—and that the cause of death was the green vitamins she was taking.
Source:
Pixabay
33. Grandma to the rescue
This is especially good for callers not allowed to hang up. Tell them they need to speak with your grandmother. And tell grandma that the caller is some long lost relative. If grandma has dementia, this is even better.
Source:
PxHere
34. Tween sex hotline
True story. In 6th grade a girl kept getting calls on her cell from some credit card company based in Asia. One time she answered and said, “Tween Sex Hotline, would you like to talk to a boy or a girl?” Despite this the caller continued with his spiel until she asked for his credit card so they could hook him up with a hot teen. They never called again.
Source:
Pixabay
35. Just scare them
If you have a scary, commanding military voice, answer by saying they’ve reached regional defense command and demanding to know how they got the number. Then tell them security forces are being routed to their location.
Source:
Pixabay
36. For our European readers
Since GDPR was implemented you have some solid rights behind you. Start demanding the caller tell you know they obtained your info, throw some GDPR section numbers at them, and listen as they can’t hang up fast enough. And never call you back.
Source:
Pixabay
37. Reverse roleplay
When your call display lets you know the caller is a telemarketer, reverse roles. Pick up the phone and tell the caller you’re sorry to disturb them, but you’re wanting to know if they would be interesting in whatever you decide to be selling. And then just run with it until the caller hangs up.
Source:
Flickr
38. You’ve interrupted an investigation
Tell the caller you are a cop and this call has just involved them in an ongoing investigation. Then tell the caller you need all their information, since you’re now on their radar.
Source:
Pixabay
39. Do whatever it takes
Some people just like to do whatever it takes to keep telemarketers on the phone as long as possible. Every minute of their time you waste it a minute they aren’t trying to scam the unwary.
Source:
Pixabay
40. Ambulance chaser variation 4
I’m starting to wish I get one of these calls one day. Caller says that according to their info, you were in an accident that wasn’t your fault. You answer along the lines of saying it was your fault, that you had been drinking. And that you can still hear her screams whenever you close your eyes.
Source:
Pixabay
41. Make things up on the fly
Here’s a good one. One Redditor told an energy savings telemarketer that he didn’t need to save money since he generated his own green energy with a flux capacitor that he had stored in the garage. Caller had to check to see if he qualified for further discounts in that case.
Source:
Pixabay
42. Hahaha
Those never-ending calls to get your ducts cleaned. This one is priceless. Tell them you have chickens not ducks and hang up fast.
Source:
Pixabay
43. Just don’t engage
When they call tell them you’re not answering any of their questions. When they ask why, simply repeat that you’re not answer any of their questions.
Source:
Pexels
44. I have religious reasons
Tell the caller you’re Amish or Mennonite and not able to make use of whatever their selling. Of course, if they have a clue they’ll know the Amish don’t use phones, but the chances of them debating that are slim.
Source:
Pixabay
45. Ask foolish questions
Ask contrary questions about whatever product or service they are trying to sell. Is this dishwasher capable of doing 60 mph? Can the vacuum cleaner let the dog out too? Can the washing machine dry my clothes too? I don’t want 2 appliances for laundry.
Source:
Pixabay
46. Sometimes you’ll feel bad
One mother coached her 7-year-old on what do to the next time a telemarketer called. When they asked to speak to a parent, she was supposed to agree, but only if the caller helped with her homework first. The call came, the child asked, and the caller actually helped her with several of her math questions. Mom felt like a heel, because the guy was actually a very kind person.
Source:
Pixabay
47. Have fun with the dial pad
When the caller starts speaking start to play a song using the dial tone. For example, start hitting 3212333222399. Those high-pitched numbers are horrible in the ear.
Source:
PikRepo
48. Imaginary take-down
First, the homeowner pretended to be interested in whatever the caller was selling. But then in a sudden, frantic voice, he whispers that the cops are there, then tells his wife to grab the guns. He escalates by yelling they brought dogs and telling her to flush the drugs. The he yells that the cops will never take him alive. He then hung up and never heard from this persistent telemarketer again.
Source:
Flickr
49. A kinder way
Ask the caller what their favorite song is. Pull it up on YouTube, set the phone down, and play it for them until they hang up.
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Pixabay
50. When you have a virus
No, not that one. When you get a call about the virus you supposedly have on your Windows computer. Pretend you’re really old or just really clueless about computers and string them along. Computer keeps freezing or takes forever to reboot. You could waste all kinds of their time.
Source:
Wikipedia
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