50 books you don't want to be caught dead reading in public

We always had adults encourage us to read more when we were kids. If it wasn’t our parents, it was our teachers, grandparents, or uncles and aunts. Holding a book in front of your face, even if you couldn’t understand half of it, was enough to earn some points with them.

If you kept reading books long enough, you learned very quickly that they weren’t all built the same. Some were meant to be hidden in our rooms and only read with some privacy while others could be read anywhere. Unfortunately, not everyone gets this slight difference.

Here are a few examples of books that might be best left at home.

#1 Anarchists unite

This book attempts to reveal the workings of the male mind to women, hence the title. Obviously, anyone can read it, but not anyone can read it in public. He’s bold.

reading — unkown via Imgur
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unkown via Imgur

#2 How to scare people off

This would be great if you wanted to sit in a public area without being disturbed. Take airplanes for example. It’s not against the rules to speak to strangers, but not everyone is for it.

#3 Misleading title

The book is actually about all the things kids and the elderly have in common. However, it could be mistaken for a rallying cry to ignore old people.

#4 Could have fooled me

The way her hair is perfectly aligned with the cover of the book makes it look like it’s about her. Well played.

face — Odee via Pinterest
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Odee via Pinterest

#5 Too much information

There’s nothing wrong with keeping up with your health, we encourage it. But if it has anything to do with your stool, you should probably keep it to yourself.

#6 We can’t see it

The title on this one is too far to read, so we’ll shift our attention to the cover. Books with faces are just tricky. There’s always the chance that you’ll unknowingly end up looking like a clown if you’re not careful.

#7 Were they?

Unless your book focuses on all the atrocities the Nazis are known for, using the word “Nazi” can spell doom for book sales. Even the environment can’t save this one.

#8 One step at a time

First, let’s acknowledge the magic behind this picture; everything is perfect. It’s safe to say that you should avoid reading books about social skills like making friends or getting better at dating or fixing your marriage in public. And if you have to, try a Kindle or Audible version instead (with earbuds).

table — Unknown via Imgur
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Unknown via Imgur

#9 The Irony

Considering all the deaths that Hitler was personally responsible for, it can be a bit unnerving to find out that he was a raw foodist and ethical vegetarian. Vegetarians have a hard enough time as it is sometimes without being lumped in the same group as Hitler.

#10 I can explain

Yes, it’s not a book, but it’s worth mentioning. We sometimes get so engrossed with what we’re reading that we just lose all sense of our surroundings. Make sure you know what’s on the other page just to be safe.

newspaper — EternalMangekyouSharingan via Imgur
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EternalMangekyouSharingan via Imgur

#11 Too tired to care

When you find a cozy spot to read your book or magazine, there’s always the possibility you’ll get too comfortable. I wouldn’t call this embarrassing, but it is funny.

sleep — Unkown via Imgur
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Unkown via Imgur

#12 The last Tsar

It’s hard to pick up any major news publication that doesn’t have a piece on Vladamir Putin. Even his pictures can be intimidating. There’s nothing wrong with the guy behind this; it’s just the way he is holding it.

patient — dykai via BorePanda
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dykai via BorePanda

#13 Winnie the Pooh

If you grew up watching cartoons and reading children’s books, then this wouldn’t bother you one bit. However, there may be people who don’t know that this is about a bear who loves honey.

#14 Leave it at home

I don’t think your friends, workmates, or fellow passengers would appreciate you lugging this around. It’s safer to read it at home alone.

#15 Don’t make it obvious

Assuming you go the same route with the same people every morning or evening, this may not be a wise reading choice. This book should come with a clear warning that reads,”DO NOT READ ON THE SUBWAY.”

#16 Stating the obvious

It’s a book about digestive systems in different species of animals. But how would you know that from the title alone? That’s not the kind of attention you want.

#17 Awesome takes practice

I’d really like to see how people would react to seeing a grown-up reading this one. Would they think it was cool?

#18 Call the police

How is this any different from publicly reading books on how to get away with murder or robberies? I’d be afraid of having this on me and getting blamed if a fire were to start nearby randomly.

#19 Running from what?

Are you trying to run over your family with the tractors you love? Jokes aside, it is a great book on tractors.

#20 A closer look at Venus and its inhabitants

It’s a very thought-provoking look at women’s oppression around the world. I doubt the ladies giving you the stink eye on the subway know that.

#21 It’s all your fault

The title alone is enough to cause childhood trauma. It’s best to leave this one in the bookstore.

mom — sobadsogood via Pinterest
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sobadsogood via Pinterest

#22 A guide to delinquency

This is not a children’s book. It speaks about the challenges community-based commerce faces in a country where policies favor corporate food systems. But no one is going to take you seriously if they see you with this one.

#23 Unpopular opinions

There’s absolutely nothing wrong about men knitting in their free time. However, I can’t say the same thing about any of them caught reading this book in public.

#24 Enlighten me

We all know people who are overly enthusiastic about their pets. We love them for it. This is where we draw the line.

#25 Is it a metaphor?

The description on Amazon is blank, and the reviews at the bottom are full of trolls. So it’s safe to say that this is in fact an entire book about avoiding ships. How should we approach this one?

#26 Cutting corners

There was a time when this was acceptable, but not anymore. Even if you’re just reading it out of curiosity, no one will understand why. Save yourself the trouble.

#27 What you see is what you get

After seeing the cover, you may have laughed and brushed it off as a poor choice of imagery or a mistake, but it’s not. This is a guide on how to make money in the underworld.

#28 Stay alive

Gnome attacks are nothing to laugh about. Ignore all the mean stares and the cruel laughs you’re getting. Read this fast and get to work.

#29 Keeping them informed

There was a time when all cats had to worry about were dogs and other cats. The world we live in isn’t as kind as it used to be; their nine lives are all at stake.

#30 Was he eating it?

It’s not fiction. This a collection of notes the author made about the 89 people he has lived with in the past. It’s not “Fifty Shades of Grey” embarrassing, but it’s enough to get you a few weird looks.

#31 The great outdoors

Have you seen a wild shopping cart in its natural habitat? Then you’ll love this guide that helps identify them in the field.

#32 It’s not an insult

We’ve all heard divorcees refer to each other as witches or devils. This isn’t about any of that pettiness. This is a real pagan’s perspective on divorce from real witches.

#33 Rubbing your nose the wrong way

It’s a book about stool from the middle ages. Unless you’re studying sewage systems and their designs or something, why would you spend your hard-earned money on this?

#34 A rough year?

Sure, the last ten years have been tough on everyone in the world. But that isn’t an excuse to be this pessimistic. You’ll scare people by reading this.

#35 Who are you going to call?

Ghostbusters! If you’re having trouble with ghosts and spirits, you know who to call.

#36 Child alcoholism

It’s about a boy who loses his balance a lot. No, he isn’t drunk, just clumsy. The title is misleading.

#37 That can’t be for children, can it?

I’m not sure kids should be reading this kind of material, and neither should you. It’s hard to take anyone seriously after finding out that this is on their current reading list.

cover — Carola via Pinterest
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Carola via Pinterest

#38 You don’t know where they’ve been

Don’t wear anything if you don’t know where it’s from. Dog hair is your only choice from now on.

topic — Joy Whyte via twitter
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Joy Whyte via twitter

#39 For those with refined tastes

Obviously, the sticker is covering part of the title, but half the people on the train won’t be able to tell that. If you have one of those smarter breeds of dogs at home, you should explain yourself too.

dog — King of the Rooks via Twitter
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King of the Rooks via Twitter

#40 Leaving so soon?

There’s no harm in preparing for the worst. However, people don’t like to think or talk about death. It’s also easy for them to think you’re planning on calling it quits.

#41 If you can

From the authors of “Why Cats Paint.” I don’t know what type of cats they have that can do these things.

dancing — Awful library books via Pinterest
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Awful library books via Pinterest

#42 It’ll save your life

Sure, it’s not as bad as some of the things on this list, but you can already tell what’s in the book. Maybe you’re just reading it ironically.

avoiding — Robot Cosmonaut via tumblr
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Robot Cosmonaut via tumblr

#43 How would you know?

No one can tell you how painless or painful death is unless they’ve been through it. If they’ve been through it, they wouldn’t be here telling you either.

#44 It’s not as crazy as it sounds

Some of us give ourselves pep talks when we’re nervous. It’s more like thinking out loud. At least that’s what I hope this is about.

talking — azweird via pinterest
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azweird via pinterest

#45 Highly suspect

Pull this book out, and you’ll slowly notice fewer and fewer people sitting around you on the subway. Why do you think that is?

skin — booktryst via pinterest
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booktryst via pinterest

#46 Don’t make it so obvious

I doubt anyone could read this without the intention to try it out. When you do get caught, it will probably be because of an anonymous tip from someone who saw you on the train reading this book.

kill — Patti Darling via Pinterest
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Patti Darling via Pinterest

#47 Protecting me?

Nuclear bombs aren’t like guard dogs that know their owners. When they go off, they destroy everyone regardless of who owns it.

war — awfullibrarybooks via Pinterest
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awfullibrarybooks via Pinterest

#48 Who are you?

We can understand getting your affairs in order, especially where terminal illnesses are involved. But isn’t this too much?

#49 Why even try?

This one wouldn’t elicit disgust or disappointment. People might actually be curious and even try to strike a conversation with you.

reasons — thisisnthappiness via Pinterest
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thisisnthappiness via Pinterest

#50 It’s a metaphor…I hope

If it’s not a metaphor, was the target audience bigfoot? The lady in the picture looks more like she is laughing than running in fear. It’s not hard to see people approaching you out of curiosity if you read this in public.

dating — UABookstore via pinterest
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UABookstore via pinterest

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