We all need to hear some advice sooner or later to keep our marriage healthy and successful. However, we still end up hearing the worst advice from people no matter how many years they’ve been in theirs. Still, even if we don’t need other’s advice, some would go on and tell us how to make a marriage “work.”
Here is the worst marriage advice that these people received from others and why they’re bad.
1. Never go to bed angry
Folks who’ve been married: what’s the WORST marriage advice you’ve ever received?
I’ll start: “Never go to bed angry.” Sometimes that’s exactly what you should do. You’re both tired & at your worst! Get some sleep. Wake up. Eat together. See if the argument is still so serious.
— Samuel Perry (@socofthesacred) August 1, 2020
2. If you don’t want to, don’t.
One of my friends was told by her mother on her wedding day, “Never deny your husband because your body is not yours.”
— Kim Bakaev (@kbakaev) August 1, 2020
3. One of the worst advice
My husband & I don’t want children. About 8 or so years ago, a coworker misconstrued that this was just my husband’s idea. She suggested I stop taking my birth control without telling him, and he’d somehow end up being happy about it when we had a baby. Seriously, WTF??😳😳
— April Skinner (@aprilskinnerNNP) August 1, 2020
4. Anyone could do it
That I have to do all the “women’s chores,” (babies, grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, etc) and Jason has to do the “men’s chores” (taking out the trash and the lawn). In real life, you both pitch in as able and you both take care of the kids.
— Jennifer Greenberg 🦌 (@JennMGreenberg) August 1, 2020
5. Ignorant about healthy relationships
“When you stop fighting, that’s when you know the relationship is over.”
I had only ever seen/experienced abusive relationships, and I thought there was something wrong because my husband and I boringly got along. But no, we’re just introverts and low drama. It’s a good thing.
— Annissa (semi-hiatus) 💛🏳️🌈♿️🦹 (@thisniss) August 2, 2020
6. Toxic relationship
That it wasn’t a good idea to get married unless we had a big YELLING fight and taken our anger out on each other. We’ve been married over 2 years and still not had a yelling fight. We tend to sit and talk things out as calmly and kindly as we can.
— Faith Boggus (they/she) (@abogguslife) August 2, 2020
7. Understanding someone’s situation
I told some friends that my husband and I sleep in separate beds because he has insomnia and I’m a light sleeper. Was told our marriage is basically over and not worth salvaging lol we’re stupid happy, going on 9 years, sleeping separately works very well for us
— Antifa Broodmother (@ArielOfAutumn) August 2, 2020
8. Happy wife, happy life.”
The worst advice is, “happy wife, happy life.” This is a partnership and we should both be working and sacrificing for each other’s happiness.
— EBM-F (@4thhowardson) August 1, 2020
9. Not always the ideal advice
“Stay together for your child”. Let me tell you how everyone is happier and we feel much more like a family now than before the divorce. She’s remarried and has another kid and we all get along swimmingly.
— Mike Provencher (@RevilFox) August 2, 2020
10. Never do this
In our first year of marriage, an old man said to my husband: “Do whatever your wife asks you to do around the house, but do it horribly. She will never ask you again.” 🤯
This clearly violates the 10 commandments. And marital vows. And also, yah know, basic human decency. 😑
— Amber Tolbert (@AmberTolbert58) August 1, 2020
11. Both should be equal
My mom and sister laughed when I said we’d make decisions equally. “Eventually, one of you will be the head, and it should be him.”
16 years later and we have yet to encounter a situation where we couldn’t make a decision mutually.
— Jan M 📚 (@JayelleMo) August 2, 2020
12. Honesty in marriage
A coworker was shocked when I told her I didn’t hide things from my husband (was about hanging out with male friends). She said “You’ll eventually learn you shouldn’t be honest about everything in marriage. Trust me, I have a lot more experience, I’ve been married 3 times.”
— Dr. Becky Hofstein Grady (@bofstein) August 1, 2020
13. That’s not the point of marriage
I once heard the advice that if “you don’t want kids after getting married then you don’t truly love your spouse.” I have never wanted children & have been with my husband for ten years now, married for four of them. Still don’t want kids, but we’re both pretty dang happy
— Lacy Pellegrini (@LacyPellegrini) August 2, 2020
14. Bank accounts in marriage
“Don’t have separate bank accounts.”
In our relationship, I’m good w/bills, my wife is good w/household needs.
Accounts are seperated so I don’t pay bills with food money, and she doesn’t buy groceries with the rent money.
May not be for everyone, but it helped us a lot.
— RetroDadnKids (@RetroDadnKids) August 1, 2020
15. Never settle for an abusive marriage
When I told someone about the abuse/fights “you’re married now, that’s important, you should try harder to fix things. Marriage is sacred” – Never listen if someone tells you staying in a marriage is more important than escaping an abusive partner.
— R2Dash2 (@R2Dash2) August 1, 2020
16. Take a break
I’ll 2nd “don’t go to bed angry”. I hate that shit. My exGF & I would fight a lot at the end of our relationship, and she would never let me go to sleep, like “we need to keep this going until we figure shit out”. No. Let me sleep. It starts to actually feel abusive.
— The Lamityville Horror: Awake at 5AM!! (@AnxiousPenman) August 2, 2020
17. Cross-cultural marriage
Some 36 years ago, someone told me that cross-cultural marriages never last.
— Colin Baker (@ExploringRealms) August 1, 2020
18. Marriage is not about dominance
A man in our church (who is no longer with us) literally told my husband to be in the church before our wedding, “The secret to a happy marriage is to keep your woman under control is to hit her first thing in the morning so she know who is the boss.”
— Jen Davidson (@JenDavi64358092) August 1, 2020
19. Always right
Multiple people told me some variant of “treat your wife like she’s always right and never disagree with her” which, I mean, I married an adult not a petulant toddler
— Michael Akerman (@DrKashik) August 1, 2020
20. Bad advice about going on dates
we’ve taken a couple marriage classes and have been told we need to have date nights twice a month.while that’s not bad advice, it puts a lot of hope in date night, and like we can’t have a good marriage if we don’t go out. we can connect over date nights “in”
— Jena Entrekin (@Jwinne123) August 1, 2020
21. Don’t let jealousy take over
“You shouldn’t need anyone but each other.” Horse crap! I’ve survived 33 years of marriage precisely because I have others to play with, laugh with, and vent to. If jealousy rules the relationship you’re on a short track anyway!
— Carl (Good Trouble) Jones 🌊 (@Youthguy07) August 1, 2020
22. Divorce is an option
“Staying married is just a matter of deciding that divorce isn’t an option.”
Sure, you can stay married that way. You can also stay super miserable for nigh on twenty years.
— Kristen Stieffel (@KristenStieffel) August 1, 2020
23. Accepting everything about you
“Dress up for your husband.”
Which translates to “lie to him about how you feel about yourself every damn day and never find out if he’ll love you frumps and all.”
Reader, he does.
— JoanneOfGreenGables (@JoofGreenGables) August 2, 2020
24. For the kids
“Just try to make it work for the kids” yeah, its important for a kid to grow up with two loving parents, but its toxic for them to have parents that constantly fight and hate each other.
— Dawna Stadulis (@StadulisDawna) August 2, 2020
25. It shouldn’t be that hard
SO many people told my wife and me that the first year of marriage would be the worst, hardest year of our lives and we would even hate each other at times.
We made it through 1.5 years in a tiny, A/C-less Chicago apartment with much gladness and relatively little hardship. 🤷🏾♂️
— Amar D. Peterman (@amarpeterman) August 1, 2020
26. Being a husband
“In order to get your wife interested do the dishes and help around the house! She will desire you more because of it”
Talk about terrible advice, that’s just being a husband and sharing the load!
— Caleb Carr (@pastorcablecarr) August 1, 2020
27. This is not supposed to be it
The “wise elder’s wives” in fundamentalism used to tell the college gals (because if you were still single after college you’d be that way forever) “Once you get married you must quit your job/school. Never allow yourself to feel freedoms you shouldn’t. You are his now” 🤢
— cherie vann (@cherievann) August 1, 2020
28. A healthy environment
Newly married here. Someone said recently that we need both sets of parents in our lives and our future kids will need their grandparents. That we need to “suck it up”…..despite the fact that it’s completely toxic to do so.
— Mary Ann Dains (@maryanndains) August 1, 2020
29. Conflicts are always there
The idea that conflict means disaster. Before I got married my mom asked me to tell her something I dislike abt my husband. When I couldn’t, she said I wasn’t ready for marriage. She was right. Rose colored glasses are sometimes worse than disagreement. (Been married 12 yrs now)
— Brittany (@CharmedMagnolia) August 1, 2020
30. This is just wrong
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
— Joseph T. Reiff (@jtreiff) August 1, 2020
31. Fighting doesn’t equal communication
If you’re not fighting, you’re not communicating. That seems so weird and toxic! TV has really normalized the super dramatic relationship when really we don’t fight *because* we communicate. do we argue? yeah, but it’s usually about d&d alignments.
— 🦇Ash, Countess of Bats🦇 (@Admiral_ABonn) August 2, 2020
32. Why not?
I see “don’t get too comfortable around each other” a lot, like don’t let your partner know you poop and fart… this will not be possible as you get old lol
— give guns to whales (@bbeepbeeep) August 2, 2020
33. The worst part is he followed it
my husband’s uncle told him not to go near me while I was in labor. he sat in the fucking chair and wouldn’t fucking hug me or anything -.-
— Mad Anne flint (@Mad_Anne_Flint) August 2, 2020
34. Regarding divorces
“No matter what he did or does, divorce would be your fault for not being nice enough to him.”
“You have to make it work for the baby”
Didn’t take this advice. Am now happily married 7yrs to man who wasn’t the baby-daddy to my 8yo
— Kate wears a mask 💀🌸 (@tea_and_ethos) August 2, 2020
35. About cheating and temptation
You’re never allowed to say no to sex because you’re “denying him” and he’ll be tempted to sin. Can’t firmly object to anything because you’re not submitting.
It’s a miracle we’re still together and we don’t have a healthy relationship anymore.
— EternallyGrowing (@EternallyGrowi1) August 1, 2020
36. No, it isn’t
A little bleeding is normal
— Lief Tucker (@lieftucker) August 2, 2020
37. Should be easier
“Marriage is hard work” not really advice but, it’s bullshit. Life is hard work but your marriage shouldn’t be hard work.
— 𝔟𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰 ψ (@bsb0nes) August 2, 2020
38. Financial transparency
“Keep your financial dealings a secret from your spouse” is the worst advice I ever got.
— jung mee park, phd (@jpark1917) August 1, 2020
39. This is no big deal
All of the people who claim you have to be in total denial around your spouse that other attractive people exist in the world. Or that they can’t manage their jealous if you have any interactions at all with exes.
— Matt (@simonjester2424) August 2, 2020
40. We all have our limits
Don’t let your wife know you struggle, that’s for the guys.
— Dennis Swender, MBA 🇺🇸 🇵🇱 (@dennisswender) August 1, 2020
41. Marriage is not about controlling
Not me -but my husband’s less modern minded male friends regularly tell him that he needs to control me better – like not letting me travel for professional development alone leaving him home to fend for himself. Or not allowing me to have male friends. Too bad they don’t trust.
— (((Nance))) Vaxed and Masked 🧠&🫀 (@NanceAdler) August 2, 2020
42. Might as well know what it’s like first
Don’t live together first. No one will buy the cow if the milk is free. Married 26 years, together 29 including 1 co-habitating.
— Prof Ingram the bar counselor (@IngramProfessor) August 2, 2020
43. If you’re a magnet that is
— Jay Howard (@jayphoward) August 1, 2020
44. Marriage counseling
Only bad marriages need counseling.
— Forrest Lee Horn (@flhorn) August 1, 2020
45. Male supremacy in marriage
That every marriage can only have one leader who has the final say in disagreements & decision-making. And that one leader is the husband because of male headship.
— Emily Hunter McGowin (@EmilyMcgowin) August 1, 2020
Advice is subjective, and it still depends on the situation you’re in. Since no one will ever completely know about other people’s situations, people aren’t supposed to advise like they’re always the right thing to follow. We also are free to not heed this terrible advice no matter how much it worked for them.