Cooking isn’t for everyone. Some people just straight up have no idea how to cook and have relied on takeout and food delivery for their meals. Others cook what they know, what they’re used to and nothing else! This social isolation has pushed some people way outside their comfort zones on both ends of that spectrum. Food delivery has essentially come to a halt and grocery stores are often picked clean, forcing people to get… creative. These 45 people got a little more creative than we would have liked, and often with disasterous results.
1) Banana dog
Have you been cutting your bananas to put on regular bread like a chump? Take a page out of this Redditor’s notebook. They skip all the unnecessary steps and just get right to business. Out of cabin fever great things are born, and this peanut butter, honey and banana dog is no exception. Even better, it’s only kind of horrifying to behold!
2) Burgerito
No buns at the grocery store? Improvise, adapt, overcome. What are buns but two really thick tortillas anyway? This genius simply wrapped a patty and all the usual burger makings into a tortilla and apparently it’s the best thing they’ve ever made. Maybe this is worth a try?
3) Egg wrapped egg
Being in quarantine means you need MAXIMUM PROTEIN for SITTING AND NAPPING as efficiently as possible! You can achieve this by wrapping your EGGS in EGGS and eating a SUPER EGG. Seriously, I love that someone did this but let’s not make this a trend please, I am a little creeped out by it for some reason.
4) Stiques de fishe
Want to make a really fancy looking meal but don’t want to break the piggie bank? Look no further. The key to making something look really fancy is to have essentially nothing on the plate. Try breaking a fishstick in half and placing one on top of the other. Alright now smear some HP sauce in a line, throw on some small dabs of ketchup, sprinkle some sea salt around and BAM. Chef.
5) Homemade Mongolian grill
People are no doubt missing the taste of their favourite mongolian restaurants while waiting at home for the world to open up again. Well this LordSukker made some cheap mongolian on a budget using absolutely zero mongolian ingredients, and you can too! Take some pepperoni and some instant ramen and toss ’em together. Done! Leave the microwave on high for an extra 30 seconds for that real sharred taste.
6) Potato chair
Potato chair? Potato chair. This guy air fryed a potato after cutting it into a chair shape. Why? Well, the answer is simple. Potato chair. Look, quarantine is getting to everyone in different ways alright? You can’t tell me one way is more valid than another, especially when the other one involves a potato chair. Potato chair.
7) Peazza
Everything about this hurts. I know quarantine is hard but that doesn’t mean we have to give up on food. How would you even eat this without peas ending up in every corner of your house? Why wouldn’t you just have them on the side? Why not melt the cheese at least!? Too many questions, not enough answers.
8) Platter de Bulk Barn
At this point in the quarantine you’re probably running out of things to make and you’re beginning to have random bits and bobs of food left behind. Why not throw it all together and make a charcuterie board of snacks? Welcome to isolation chic. Charcuterie boards are still trending!
9) Bacon masks
The surefire way to ward off COVID-19. Make a mask out of bacon and slowly eat it throughout the day. You’re 100% safe, for sure. (Please don’t do this I was just joking.) This person must have had a surplus of bacon to make this happen. If it’s all you have in your fridge, might as well have some fun with it I guess.
10) Free time to get creative
Now that people aren’t rushing to get their meals done before or after work, they’ve been able to put a little more love into how their meals are plated. SoulcrateSucka made a not so fancy mac’n’cheese dinner look, honestly, a little incredible. How will they ever go back to eating it out of a bowl like plebeians?
11) Fancy but wrong
Food experimentation has gone too far. This Reddit user clearly knows how to plate a meal, but they either have no idea what foods go well together nor why, or they know too much. I’d honestly rather eat the pretzel, ketchup and lucky charm on their own before I’d eat them all together.
12) Next best thing
What do you do if you want your morning O-shaped cereal but run out of milk? Open up that freezer, pull out the most lightly flavoured (or not) ice cream you have and make it work! You could be like user somucht and go that extra mile and even throw in some sprinkles. There are no rules in quarantine.
13) Dat bun d’oh!
Observe the Homer Simpson burger in all its monsterous glory. Imagine trying to fit that thing in your mouth. It looks like a burger (if you can even still call it that) that would kill you. At least you would die happy.
14) Pulverised chip breading
AllMightyLlama ran out of breadcrumbs, so they did what anyone would do. They punched a bag of Doritos until they were dust and used that instead. This probably wasn’t that bad but it probably wasn’t very good either. At least the salad looks nice!
15) Mac & cheetos
Y’all are really testing my patience today. Microwaved mac and cheese with flamin’ hot LIMON cheetos!? And you’ve just left the cheetos full and not even crushed up a bit to fit with the mac and cheese! This idea is HALF BAKED AT BEST. I’m starting to feel like Gordon Ramsey judging garbage quarantine food.
16) The hot dog IS the bun
I respect this poster’s creativity and I’m disgusted by the lengths at which they are willing to go to not just use a knife and fork like a civilised human being. In no world can this abomination be classified as a culinary success. You did what you had to do, shadyypineapple, and one day you will pay for your sins.
17) Little cheeser’s
Grilled cheese made with crazy bread from Little Caesar’s? Sign me up. This is what cooking in a bored isolation looks like, folks, take notes. At this level we’re talking triple cheese which is absolutely always a recipe for success. You could get wild and up that even further. The sky is the limit here.
18) Funeral fit for a king
This user created a beautiful charcuterie board to celebrate the last fresh pear and red pepper they had in their quarantine supply. I think it’s very well done, and a good way to really savour every last bite. Pay respect to the fresh!
19) Smell scoop
Nacho cheese Doritos topped with tuna and dill pickles. Read that again. Sound delicious? That’s because it is. But yes, your breath and possibly your entire being will reek of this stuff for possibly weeks to come. But no big deal, right? Not like we’re getting any hot dates in isolation!
20) Green bages and ham
Okay so I know that isn’t ham in that bagel but I couldn’t resist. This odd looking hulk-like bagel looks simply unnatural, but apparently it was the only kind left in the grocery store. I have to wonder if it’s flavoured in some way, but I’m too afraid to find one and eat it.
21) Sushi rolls meet bread rolls
Sushi nights are fun for those who have the skill to make sushi. But what do you do if it’s the middle of a pandemic and you’ve run out of sushi rice? Apparently, according to ironmuffin96 you just use bread instead. Same same, right? NO! Just don’t make the sushi! At this point what are you thinking!?
22) Nubbins
Air fryers have really taken centre stage during this crisis, and people have really started experimenting with them. Sweet Ollie’s wife found a recipe for corn dogs made in the air fryer but they didn’t quite turn out as expected. Are you sure your wife isn’t trying to tell you something, Ollie?
23) Sad food doesn’t look good
It’s hard to even pretend for this one. That just sucks, dude. I’m so sorry you had to do this to your poor tastebuds. Look, no one can afford luxuries in quarantine, okay? You did what you had to do to survive. I hope those broccoli stems and hummus did what you needed it to do: give you enough energy to get to the grocery store and get something better for yourself.
24) Eggs on eggs on eggs
Variety is the spice of life, so what are you supposed to do when all you have left in your fridge is eggs? You grab life by the collar and you utilise eggs to their fullest! No food is more versatile than the mighty egg! Scramble ’em! Boil ’em! Fry ’em! This master cook did exactly that and made it look damn good while doing it. I salute you.
25) Modern lembas bread
Grilled cheese. Pasta. Pizza. All hearty meals. What happens when you put them together? Well, you create a pile of carbohydrates of course! It looks and no doubt tastes delicious. And if you’re looking to scrape by in the quarantine, look no further. Much like Elven lembas bread, one small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man.
26) Blue eggs and pan
Yes I know that’s the second Dr. Seuss joke I’ve made today but come on. Talk about low hanging fruit. In all seriousness I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to eat these. I feel like my body would feel ill all over from just a placebo effect! These eggs, despite no doubt starting fresh, now look many years old. They hurt to look at.
27) Keep the blue goin’!
I’ll refrain from yet another Green Eggs and Ham joke, but it is taking everything out of me. This does not look edible. I know fine dining strives for colourful foods and high contrasts but this is too much. It looks like atomic pasta that you’d find at the bottom of a crater from a hydrogen bomb test.
28) … Okay stop the blue
I spoke too soon, there’s too much blue food in the world. Leave it to the professionals, kids. I’m talking about blueberries. They keep it nice and natural looking. Not like whatever this is.
29) Layers on layers
Yeah, that’s exactly what you think it is. A lasagna sandwich. Why not just eat lasagna straight? Quarantine drives people mad, I swear. Honestly what is the bread even doing for your food at this point besides keeping your hands clean? Did this guy run out of utensils during the quarantine somehow?
30) Mac and chili dog
How was this not invented before quarantine? It’s genius. Call it whatever you want but I’m in, I’m hooked. It looks awful and delicious and I want to eat it as soon as possible. Just wait until I horrify my family with this at the next family meal.
31) Microwaved potatoes
Honestly, you could have done worse, my friend. Microwaved potatoes is not what I’d call “off to a great start” but you really saved it with a bunch of cheese and sour cream. This looks so bad that I bet it tasted great! Not to mention it would be quick, easy, and come with a no fuss clean up!
32) Happy Easter!
This easter bunny portrait is the result of what happens when you can’t work all day. You get so bored that you make bunny ears out of sausages and bunny noses out of what looks like pepper. I’m no art critic but honestly this bunny is really well done while simultaneously horrifying. Thanks for the nightmares!
33) The Mona Lisa of food
A+ to this dad, your self portrait made of mash and peas is a horror but the laughs it has provided for me are priceless. It really leaves me wondering what you look like in real life. More importantly, how did it feel to eat your own face? Delicious?
34) Don’t play with your food
I can only assume this was a paleontologist’s dinner, because the dinosaur nuggets are in suspiciously specific places. Sure, there are a few playing in corn fields or around the mashed potato volcanos… But is that triceratops stuck in a barbecue sauce tar pit? Nice touch.
35) Sweet livers
Just kidding. They look gross though, right? They’re actually graham crackers with marshmallow fluff, but the red food dye just makes them look awfully… Fleshy. That’s usually a visual characteristic I try and avoid in my foods. Call me crazy!
36) KFWannabe
Come on, KFC! Send this poor lady a care package of all her favourite products! Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery! I respect the dedication to the craft, she really put the effort in to make life feel a little normal again, even if only for an evening.
37) Naaco Pizza
WOW. Congratulations, Vanirbarn, you’re the winner of this pandemic! This looks and sounds fantastic! Taco meat and cheddar cheese on naan? That screams versatility to me. You could take this a more Mexican direction or a more Indian direction and either would be a fantastic pizza. Well done! World, meet the Quarantine Supreme!
38) Clever girl…
Chicken parmesean is always good, the only way to really improve it would be by having dinosaur shaped chicken. And let me tell you. It happened. This is the definition of working with what you have to achieve better results. The only question I’m left with is… Does T-rex taste like chicken?
39) Brownie pie
This couple had a brilliant, quarantine induced thought! Why not wrap a brownie in some pie crust and get the best of both worlds? WRONG. While the idea sounds good on paper, it doesn’t translate quite so nicely in practice. The reason this is not already a wildly popular dessert in society is because these textures do not go well together, the couple even said so themselves. Points for effort though!
40) So gross it just might work
So this one ran out of bread and opted to use waffles for their pulled pork sandwiches. They even threw some maple syrup on there! I’ll be honest, this idea intrigues me at some primal level that I didn’t know I had. How different is it from syrup on the breakfast sausage you have with pancakes?
41) One smart cookie
Judge all you want, but this is the best method of coping with quarantine I’ve seen yet. That is nearly four and a half pounds of cookie dough, which the chef has been taking a spoonful of every so often. I’m just hoping it’s either being left in the fridge or made without eggs otherwise I’m afraid this self isolator might be in for a really bad time.
42) Wings & Ranchtini
Those wings really do look fantastic. Perfect even! But… What’s that in the glass? A milkshake in a cocktail glass? No, it’s ranch dip. My body shudders. My legs are weak. My vision fades. Why must humanity test the limits that god placed upon us?
43) Green pea latte
I really feel for people who don’t have easy access to ice right now, but I’m not sure that excuses this monstrosity. The poster wanted an iced latte but had no ice so they used a bag of frozen peas. At this point, I’m just mad. Just have the latte hot, okay? Or put the peas in a sandwich bag or something. Don’t let them just float around your coffee all willy nilly!! What is this quarantine doing to people!?
44) Creativegan
I would imagine that a lot of people take up being vegan to help the earth and get healthy but I can only imagine that this meal does not help your health. It consists of vegan chicken fingers on a bed of hashbrown with a layer of guacamole. Delicious? Undoubtedly. In any way beneficial to your health? Maybe the guac.
45) Budget corndog
Well, I wasn’t lying. It is probably the most budget corndog I can imagine. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that. I would only use this one in the most desperate of circumstances where you simply can’t go on without some sort of corndog in your life. Thanks for the laugh, DanHam117.
Honestly if this quarantine continues much longer I’m going to have to start my own cooking show.
Welcome to The Kitchenpocalypse with your hosts Mad Max and Gory Gordon. Today we’ll be looking at yet another horrifying monstrosity whipped up by the mutants from the east coast!
Seriously, Uber Eats, come back, people need you. Clearly. We have our fingers crossed that a vaccine is found soon so people, and the earth, can start getting better!
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