40 hotel workers share the most horrifying guests they’ve had to deal with

First off, a warning. If you often stay in hotel rooms, either for vacations, work, conferences or whatever, you may not want to read this.

Because it is truly horrifying.

In writing this I’ve learned a few things. Things about the people that stay in hotels—okay, just some of the people, not all of us—and the management of those hotels.

You see, when we stay at a nice reputable 4- or 5-star hotel, we have expectations of cleanliness. Some of what I learned makes sense, some not so much. Like whatever a guess uses a towel for doesn’t matter. It will be bleached and put back in the room. Okay, bleaching cleans things, but I’m going to live in fear of every hotel towel I ever touch again.

Let’s not even talk about the 5-star chain that was unnamed that only washes the duvets once a week.

Remember, you had fair warning!

1. Salad Fetish

“Why I Love Salad.” Let me count the ways. I’m not going to lie, I love salad too. But there is no way I could fill 80 pages with reasons why.

2. Basketball poop party.

But why? Why would anyone do something like this? Is it simply mean-spirited, knowing the some poor cleaner is going to have to deal with it?

3. Hidden friend.

I guess there are guys that can’t get a real girl, although I find that very hard to believe. Because there are lots of girls that are just as desperate to find a guy.

4. Hidden porn stash.

I nearly gagged at the sticky part. Those poor maids, having to deal with this. And I bet this guy has a wife at home.

5. Surprise pussy.

No. Not that kind. I wonder how many cats were talking about here, and why she expected the hotel to take care of them.

6. Swingers party.

It’s your lifestyle. Whatever. But why would you carry on like this in front of families, and children.

7. Pregnancy scare.

Well, if you’re going to throw something out the window when you find out your wife is pregnant with somebody else’s baby, I suppose it could be worse. He could’ve thrown his wife out the window.

8. Bloody mess.

Wouldn’t the police be the first people you contacted? What can the booking agency do?

9. Pigsty.

So this guy was such a pig at home, he needed pest control to come in. You’d think he would’ve learned, but then he does the same thing to his hotel room.

10. Wheel of Fortune love.

This is so sad. But if you are going to go, I think this would be the way to do it. Peacefully, in the arms of someone you love.

11. Mayo madness.

What do you want to bet this was some weird sexual fantasy being lived out. I personally, don’t have any fantasies involving mayo, but some may.

12. Needles on needles.

What did the needles have to do with this scenario? Did somebody need to be drugged before the lube and the dildo were put to use?

13. A hostage situation.

Someone needs to find the boyfriend and carry out some justice. I don’t believe in vengeful justice, but sometimes it seems to make sense.

14. Abraham Lincoln goat.

Why would you dress a goat as Abraham Lincoln? Is there some sort of historical significance between the two?

15. Upside down.

How would you do this without making any noise? You would think the nailing something to the ceiling would be noisy.

16. The worst smell.

Again, why? Why are people crapping all over hotel rooms? Is this some weird, sick fantasy?

17. Shit to death.

Same shit, different reason. At least we can assume that she didn’t defecate all over the room on purpose.

18, Fishy lamp.

Was it his pet fish? Did he particularly like this hotel, and want to bury his fish there? Or was this a prank?

19. Special pizza topping.

Who raised the people that do stuff like this? Even animals don’t behave like this.

20. Sexy pictures.

I’m stumped. I think the psychiatrist needs to figure out this, because it’s too weird for me. Why was she having sex with somebody else in front pictures of her dead husband?

21. Penis confetti.

Today I learned something. Who even knew that such a thing existed? I sure didn’t know penis-shaped confetti was a thing.

22. Safe keeping

Both are rectangular. Both have some sort of dial or knob. But the similarities end there.

23. Pre-op preempted

Come to town and stay at our hotel before for you check in for your surgery at the local hospital. Please don’t die while you’re here.

24. Porn shoots

Apparently you are immediately suspicious if you call down to room service in the middle of the night and ask for multiple pots of coffee and lots of wine. Someone’s going to think you’re doing a porn shoot.

25. You forgot something!

This is the kind of thing that tests your honesty. Of course, the guest would have known where they left it. And the money was returned.

26. I wonder if they comped his stay?

You know how you give your credit card in advance? Or at least at hotels I stay in. I wonder if he was still charged for the room.

27. Not worth your lives

I guess the felt there was no way out, which is sad. I’d like to think there’s always a better way than this.

28. Torsos and tubs

The fact that he was a researcher indicates he should have some brains. And maybe he does, just no common sense to go with them.

29. Well, of course.

If I found a brood of motherless baby ducks, I would need to take action too. I’m just not sure I would put them in a public washroom.

30. That’s a pillow.

Not a garburator. What did they think was going to happen when they put them other the pillow? The monster under the bed would someone get them?

31. I put a hex on thee.

Until I read the bit about the bone under the bed, I thought this was just someone who had a problem with the Bible. But maybe not.

32. When you gotta go.

I don’t even understand what’s behind this. There are so many stories of people crapping or pissing all over a hotel room. What is with that?

33. You’re the babysitter, right?

People wonder why so many kids these days are like the people who think crapping all over hotels rooms is funny. It’s because they have parents like this.

34. Professionals don’t act that way.

So she has her own business. How would she feel if someone started using her needles and bringing them back to her used and dirty?

35. There’s been a robbery.

Okay, you hear about people stealing robes from hotels. I mean, you can bundle those up and shove them in your suitcase. How exactly do you sneak two nightstands out of the room?

36. Secret stash.

There is going to be better hiding places. I mean, if I had something important to me, I wouldn’t be stashing it in a hotel room.

37. Sporting behavior

The little darlings. I wonder if the coach would ignore it if it wasn’t for the fact the expense turned up on his card.

38. There is a fee for that.

If you bring your pet there is a fee. Why is that so hard to understand? You pay for extra people too.

39. This isn’t the beer parlor.

Clearly, some kind of party went down here. But why trash the place? And why not clean up after yourself?

40. A truly shitty surprise.

If you made it this far, are you ever staying in a hotel again? Am I the only one wondering how people could be so disgusting?

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