Life
15 of the most ridiculous things that have ever been said in court
Thank goodness court reporters keep track of everything that's said! 😂
Jake Manning
02.08.24

Courtrooms are typically places of solemnity and seriousness, but every now and then, a spark of humor ignites, often unexpectedly.

It’s these moments of levity, amidst the gravity of legal proceedings, that can turn a courtroom into a stage for comedy.

Enter Charles M. Sevilla, a seasoned attorney from San Diego with a keen eye for the lighter side of law. Sevilla has taken his experiences from the courtroom and transformed them into a book that’s as entertaining as it is surprising.

Titled “Disorder in the Court”, this book is a treasure trove of the most absurd and side-splitting exchanges between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses.

Pixabay
Source:
Pixabay

Sevilla himself describes it as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” that come together to create a “memorably insane comedy”.

And just how memorable are these exchanges?

Imagine a courtroom where literal interpretations lead to comical misunderstandings, where the solemn oath becomes an opportunity for a witty quip, and where attorneys, in the heat of the moment, ask questions so bizarre they can’t help but provoke laughter.

“Disorder in the Court” offers a glimpse into this world with fifteen excerpts that showcase some of the most hilarious dialogues ever heard in a courtroom.

These snippets are just a sample of the delightful absurdity that can unfold in the halls of justice.

Pixabay
Source:
Pixabay

1) Some things just aren’t straightforward enough

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death…

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

2) Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke

LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.

3) Some questions are just too complicated

LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

Unsplash
Source:
Unsplash

4) There’s never a reason not to make a pun

LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

5) Taking responses too literally

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

6) To be fair, those headlights are pretty flashy

LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

WITNESS: Yes, sir.

LAWYER: What did she say?

WITNESS: ‘What disco am I at?’

Pexels
Source:
Pexels

7) Everything is possible

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No…

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Unsplash
Source:
Unsplash

8) I don’t think that’s how memory works

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

9) Some people just simply aren’t good with numbers

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

10) Technically, it’s not wrong, which is the best type of being right

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

11) That one must’ve hurt…

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

Pexels
Source:
Pexels

12) Details matter

LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

WITNESS: The victim lived.

13) This seems like a trick question

LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

14) Using the right to remain silent isn’t always the brightest idea

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

WITNESS: No.

15) This is when you need to switch attorneys

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Please SHARE this with your friends and family.

Article Sources:
To learn more read our Editorial Standards.
Advertisement