Courtrooms are typically places of solemnity and seriousness, but every now and then, a spark of humor ignites, often unexpectedly.
It’s these moments of levity, amidst the gravity of legal proceedings, that can turn a courtroom into a stage for comedy.
Enter Charles M. Sevilla, a seasoned attorney from San Diego with a keen eye for the lighter side of law. Sevilla has taken his experiences from the courtroom and transformed them into a book that’s as entertaining as it is surprising.
Titled “Disorder in the Court”, this book is a treasure trove of the most absurd and side-splitting exchanges between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses.
Sevilla himself describes it as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” that come together to create a “memorably insane comedy”.
And just how memorable are these exchanges?
Imagine a courtroom where literal interpretations lead to comical misunderstandings, where the solemn oath becomes an opportunity for a witty quip, and where attorneys, in the heat of the moment, ask questions so bizarre they can’t help but provoke laughter.
“Disorder in the Court” offers a glimpse into this world with fifteen excerpts that showcase some of the most hilarious dialogues ever heard in a courtroom.
These snippets are just a sample of the delightful absurdity that can unfold in the halls of justice.
1) Some things just aren’t straightforward enough
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death…
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
2) Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke
LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.
3) Some questions are just too complicated
LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
4) There’s never a reason not to make a pun
LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
5) Taking responses too literally
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
6) To be fair, those headlights are pretty flashy
LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
WITNESS: Yes, sir.
LAWYER: What did she say?
WITNESS: ‘What disco am I at?’
7) Everything is possible
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
8) I don’t think that’s how memory works
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
9) Some people just simply aren’t good with numbers
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
10) Technically, it’s not wrong, which is the best type of being right
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
11) That one must’ve hurt…
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
12) Details matter
LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
WITNESS: The victim lived.
13) This seems like a trick question
LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
14) Using the right to remain silent isn’t always the brightest idea
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
WITNESS: No.
15) This is when you need to switch attorneys
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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