Christmas is just around the corner and, for many, that means it’s time to pull out the suit (no, not the red one) and head to church!
Nowadays, most businesses do their advertising through social media and email, but churches? They like to keep it old-fashioned. A classy church sign is all a congregation needs to stay up-to-date, and during the holiday season, you NEVER know what is going to pop up on that sign.
Blame it on the Eggnog or blame it on the Spirit, just don’t say these aren’t funny!
1. Pumpkin roll
Ok, before we go straight to Christmas, let’s address an issue that spans the whole holiday season – a smidge of weight gain. We all gain a little weight during the holidays, it isn’t a sin, is it? I didn’t think so.
Jesus was clearly pro-carbs.
2. Good advertising
All the PSL (that’s pumpkin spice latte for the uninitiated) fans probably flocked to Sunday service when they saw this.
Jesus died for our sins so we no longer have to feel guilt when we drink these 1000-calorie drinks for breakfast.
3. Now, for some weather humor
This is either really funny or great messaging. If you were hoping to get people inside, this was a great marketing scheme.
If you truly were too cold to change the sign so you changed the sign to let people know, well, bless your heart.
4. The C Word
See, I don’t think they are using the “c-word” that we all know not to use. Christmas may start with the letter C, but other words do too!
5. B.Y.O.B.J
This is the kind of party that I want to be at. A toga party AND it’s B.Y.O…what now?
Count me totally in. TOGA, TOGA, TOGA.
6. No?
Should I be? What are you trying to ask me? I’m very confused.
Even if I simply wanted to celebrate Festivus, I’d happily wish others a Merry Christmas.
7. We’ve been made
At least they understand. I won’t make a scene if you don’t.
In fact, I brought a flask for the pastor, if he’ll have it.
8. This seems targeted
For all the little kids out there being forced to sing out of key, on video, in front of the entire school’s parents, this sign is for you. It’s cute, but only because you’re in it.
9. Sign me up
This may be the way to get those wine-drinking sinners through the door! Or the French ;)
You might have to take this sign down before people start showing up with charcuterie boards and calling it the Body of Christ.
10. From the grave
In case you didn’t know, Christopher Hitchens was a rather outspoken individual when it came to his (dis)beliefs about God.
He passed away from cancer years ago, so I guess it’s open season for the Episcopals!
11. Well, Merry Christmas to you too!
Well, geez, that’s not very Christmas-y.
We’re sceptical that the Presbyterians are really this mean though.
Also, how to you fall on the top of a tree?
12. Jesus vs. Santa
Jesus and Santa never really had a rivalry… well, not until this church sign came around. Now they go head to head each year, each saying what it is they do that the other doesn’t.
Next year, Santa’s going to go for the throat with his essay on Jesus calling a woman a dog in Matthew 15.
13. The Lady of Martyrs
You are going to have a good time, whether you like it or not.
14. Good Luck
It looks like the atheists need to come up with their own holiday for the end of the year. It looks like Christians have quite the monopoly on Christmas!
15. A not-so COVID Christmas
We all know that cold weather means sick season. These past two years it’s meant that COVID numbers spike and all that.
Well, remember, in the wise words of Jesus, “Stay home if you sick, praise God if you thicc.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Church signs are one of the many joys of life. If you weren’t inspired to get up this Christmas Eve and head on over to your local service, this may have helped a bit.
As always, don’t to forget to praise God if you thicc.
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