Doesn’t it seem that everyone you know is having babies? You log on to social media and see birth announcements, pregnancy announcements, and gender reveals. Whether or not you’ve reached that chapter of your life, you know babies are a big deal.
Sure, they’re a challenge. They can’t do a whole lot for themselves and they don’t sleep through the night (at least, not at first). But those itty-bitty baby limbs and the tiny, chubby cheeks are worth it.
Human babies are born with fewer abilities than most animals. That’s because our development in utero is largely centered on our brains. We have above-average cognitive development as we near birth. But that means eventually the head gets too big and the baby has to enter the world.
So, babies arrive and their brains are full of activity. But those tiny bodies? Not so much. They need a lot of help in those early days, from eating to diaper changes to getting around.
And yeah, it’s exhausting yet amazing. It’s also weird, surreal, and a lot of other things all rolled into one. Just take it from the people who made these tweets about babies.
A crying baby on a plane can be difficult to listen to, but it’s not their fault. Unfortunately, the adults just have to learn to live with it — parents and other passengers alike.
Every parent feels a bit nervous about their choices. They anxiously watch their kids for signs they’re okay. But don’t worry, mocking slow claps would be pretty advanced for a baby.
3. Is there a spell for that?
Yes, it can be frustrating to listen to crying. But babies don’t have many other means to communicate. We don’t blame you for secretly Googling if there’s a changing spell.
4. This is a terrible rule for babies
No matter how much you want to, you can’t compare dogs to babies. Dogs often try to come home, but they can, you know, walk and stuff.
It’s not hard to make a salad: just cut up some veggies and toss them together. You should not be cutting or tossing babies. They’re a lot more fragile than vegetables.
When your first kid comes along, you beg them to say “Mama” and “Dada.” And when they do, it’s so sweet. But in a couple of years, you’ll be hearing the word “Mommy” about a million times a day.
7. Choking hazards, of course
You have to wonder what it says about the fashion industry when babies have more pockets on their clothes than adult women do. What’s next, baby purses?
8. Seriously, it’s so confusing
Car seats are complicated for a reason — they’re made to keep your child 100 percent safe in a crash. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be cursing one as you try to get it installed.
Those first few months are rough as the baby learns to transition to the outside world and a normal schedule. You might forget what month it is. Or whether you’re wearing pants.
Of all the Wonders of the World, this one might be the greatest. It’s right up there alongside changing a diaper without waking the baby and the Colosseum.
11. Not everyone knows what to say
New parents are over the moon about their baby. They want to show pictures to everyone. If you don’t know what to say, just stick to a phrase like “Awe…so cute.”
12. At some point, you have to switch
Here’s the rule for parents: you count by months until they’re a year and a half old. Then you say “She’s almost two.” After the second birthday, just say the year. Don’t be that parent.
Every parent eats food off their kid at least once. It’s impossible not to. In those early days, they insist on being held a lot, and you’ve got to have lunch.
14. Has she ever met one?
Those obnoxious older people who shush babies have clearly forgotten what it’s like to have one. And honestly? That’s the only situation where you might want your baby to scream more…just to make a point.
15. I mean, they’re effective
Can this idea be marketed? They make alarm clocks that keep ringing until you get out of bed. Introducing the newest model: the pooping alarm.
16. That’s why they nap all day
The saying “sleep like a baby” is kind of strange because babies have a terrible sleep schedule. Sleeping like a baby means waking up every two hours to eat and put on new pants.
17. “So cute” is all you need
Okay, okay, not everyone’s the best at small talk about babies. Here are a few surefire phrases you can use: “So cute,” “Aww,” and “You must be so proud.” There, now you never have to rack your brain for a compliment again.
Trying to explain to a toddler that you’re expecting another baby can be hard. They don’t always grasp the details of how the baby got in there or whether it’ll even be human. But keep hoping, kiddo.
19. You mean you can’t throw them out?
Look, no one becomes a parent because they love changing diapers. And yes, every kid has a blowout at some point that makes you fantasize about throwing them in the trash. But sorry, changing diapers is non-negotiable.
20. Artists can’t grow without criticism
Most parents treasure their children’s artwork, holding onto it for many years. Apparently, Ryan Reynolds has a more critical eye. He doesn’t have time for scribbles.
21. We don’t go easy around here
Oh wow, your kid dunked the ball on a basket that’s two feet off the ground? That’s as tall as he is. Anyone could dunk at that height. (Okay, okay, just kidding).
22. It can double as a babysitter
Do you want your baby to be the same as all the other babies in the neighborhood or do you want him to be awesome? Now you just have to teach him to grip with his legs.
23. Everything with a baby is Russian roulette with vomit
For the first few months, almost anything might make your baby puke: changing positions, sitting up, burping, and putting pressure on their belly. Don’t worry, it usually stops before their first birthday.
Of all the alarm clocks in the world, a baby is probably the most effective one. There’s only one way to snooze them, and it involves getting out of bed.
Holding a baby might make your biological clock start ticking, but this lady makes a valid point. Sleeping all day, meals around the clock, and no responsibilities? Sign me up.
These Generation Z kids were born in the heart of the hipster movement. Some of them can’t even talk yet but they already think they’re better than us with their ethically-sourced alpaca blankies and their organic snacks.
27. What a difference a few years makes
It’s true — when you put it like that, babies sound like the worst roommates in the history of the world. But they get a pass because they’re so darn cute.
The United States is unique in that it doesn’t regulate baby names. That means parents can name their kids pretty much whatever they want. We’ve all met kids who got the bad end of that deal.
You might not think you have anything in common with actor Ryan Reynolds. But if you have kids, you’ve probably had this thought before. And as it turns out…he has, too.
30. That’s blackmail and it’s illegal
Some kids hate eating their vegetables so much, they turn dinnertime into a fight. This is a relatively effective method as long as they’re still young enough to believe in the old nose trick.
31. I’ll always love you, Jessica
Breaking up is hard to do, as the song goes. But here’s one way to do it without a big confrontation: just marry someone else and have a couple of kids. They’ll eventually get the point.
32. But was that pea puree?
Babies aren’t skilled eaters…at least for a while — especially with all those messy purees. Hopefully, they’ll grow out of it, provided they have a good example from their parents, of course.
33. I call it “ripening cervix”
Some might call it the most difficult yoga position ever invented. You also do it with a 50-pound weight on your stomach. It’s only for the most experienced women who practice yoga.
Every parent worries they’re going to drop their baby or hurt them. They’re just so tiny and fragile when they arrive. But don’t worry, they’re tougher than you think they are. Hopefully, that’s reassuring.
35. Where did she find a screw?
You wouldn’t think you had loose screws, broken glass, and cat vomit in your house. But somehow, your baby will find all of them in a matter of seconds.
36. That’s a good indicator
Babies spend a lot of time on the floor, especially before they learn to walk. If you haven’t noticed how dirty the surface is, just look at how many crumbs they have on them after tummy time.
37. Boss baby doesn’t have object permanence
Object permanence, the ability to understand that objects don’t cease to exist when they’re not visible. This isn’t something babies develop until they’re older. It would be amazing to have a boss without that ability.
For some people, 2 p.m. seems like a perfect time to get that yard work done. They also think it’s a good time to ring the doorbell, honk their car horns, and make their dogs bark. Is it a conspiracy??
This is the definition of a baby in the same way that a “featherless biped” is the definition of a man. You’re not wrong, but you’re also not exactly right. I have some questions.
40. It’s a skill everyone needs
Learning to swaddle a baby is something every parent needs to know. But who would’ve thought it was a translatable skill? People will wonder why your burritos became infinitely better once you had a baby.
41. Yet somehow, it’s still fun
It’s hard to explain, but somehow, despite all the vomit, being a parent is still really fun. At the same time, it’s sure nice when they get past the puking stage.
The rest of us can say this honestly, but that newborn baby is a straight-up liar. It’s sad when they learn dishonesty at such a young age, isn’t it? Kids these days.
I don’t appreciate that this tweet made me realize how perfectly baby-sized the average crockpot is. I didn’t need that mental image, random internet person.
44. If you have an extra baby on hand, that is
This tweet only applies to people who happen to have a baby with them, of course. You could also put in a dog or a small bird if you prefer.
Eating an entire cheesecake can’t quite compare to the pain of childbirth. But I’ll allow that it might feel a little bit like being a full nine months pregnant.
46. Step away from Google
We live in the age of the internet, which can be both helpful and harmful. It’s helpful because you can connect with other parents. But it can also make you worry that your child has all the diseases.
This is one of those things that’s hard to explain to someone who’s never experienced the chaos of kids. No, we have no idea how he got a can of paprika. All we know is that it’s everywhere.
48. Ma’am, you’re disturbing the other customers
We’ve all heard a baby crying in public and identified with the urge to let loose and scream. But those societal constraints will get you every time. All we can do is cry on the inside.
Parents have a tendency to get a bit too creative with their baby’s name. We’re all for creativity, but little Katniss Lemon Eclipse is going to have a tough time in school.
To be fair, I think babies would love being in cocoons. We essentially cocoon them when we wrap them in a swaddle. What’s the difference at the end of the day?
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Source: Bored Panda
Doesn’t it seem that everyone you know is having babies? You log on to social media and see birth announcements, pregnancy announcements, and gender reveals. Whether or not you’ve reached that chapter of your life, you know babies are a big deal.
Sure, they’re a challenge. They can’t do a whole lot for themselves and they don’t sleep through the night (at least, not at first). But those itty-bitty baby limbs and the tiny, chubby cheeks are worth it.
Human babies are born with fewer abilities than most animals. That’s because our development in utero is largely centered on our brains. We have above-average cognitive development as we near birth. But that means eventually the head gets too big and the baby has to enter the world.
So, babies arrive and their brains are full of activity. But those tiny bodies? Not so much. They need a lot of help in those early days, from eating to diaper changes to getting around.
And yeah, it’s exhausting yet amazing. It’s also weird, surreal, and a lot of other things all rolled into one. Just take it from the people who made these tweets about babies.