The Darwin Awards are posthumously awarded to people who select themselves out of the human gene pool through their own stupid actions.
But, what kind of prize should we give to people who injure themselves in the dumbest way possible, and are still alive to tell the tale?
That’s what @Super 70s Sports on Twitter wanted to know. After asking fans to share the dumbest freak injury of their life, the Twittersphere blew up with hundreds of funny responses!
From the guy whose back went out after reaching for a french fry on the dashboard, to the mom who impaled herself with a Swiss army knife in front of her young son, here are 40 of the craziest freak accidents that will make glad you’re not as clumsy as these people are.
1) Broke a finger taking a leak
This sounds like a really bad knock knock joke that makes absolutely no sense: how do you break a finger taking a leak? You catch it in the bathroom door, of course!
2) Electrocution by X-ray gown
That wall outlet looks a little bit shocked about what happened, too! Let this be a warning to radiographers everywhere: stay away from the X-ray gown if you’re not after that Albert Einstein look.
She wanted to do yoga, but her doggy wanted to play. It would have been so much easier if she had just played with the puppy!
4) Broke toes after watching scary show
I bet he screamed Bloody Mary after that dumb move! In case you don’t know, this episode of
Supernatural is all about a game of Bloody Mary that unleashes a ghost who lives in a mirror.
5) Almost lost both his baby barrels
This poor guy. He almost lost all the family jewels, plus his baby barrels were exposed, in this freak accident!
@KupinKC:
“That made me cringe. And I don’t even have the same equipment so can’t really empathize but I certainly sympathize.”
6) The dark side of playing with shadows
Are we sure it wasn’t the cat? Because I’m thinking the cat was actually behind this one. He was just using the puppet as an excuse to whack at this guy for being such a hooman.
7) Ironing out some curly chest hairs
Dude, next time don’t use yourself as an ironing board! This was a totally preventable “accident.”
8) Straight out of a slapstick cartoon comedy
So, you know those cartoons that show a doofus character stepping on a rake and it smacks them in the face? Well, this tool was probably the real-life inspiration behind that.
9) He screamed, she screamed, they all screamed!
Unfortunately, none of them were screaming for ice cream. Hubby thought he could scare his wife, but instead he scared his shoulder right out of its socket.
10) Done in by a spider web
Do you ever have one of those days, where you finding yourself flapping your arms around like crazy to get rid of a spider web? Unfortunately it doesn’t always work out as well in real life as it did in your head.
11) Impaled by a corkscrew
Mom was teaching her kiddo about the importance of handling sharp objects with care. But, things took a turn for the worst when she accidentally showed him what not to do!
12) When PapaSmurf goes to a Black Sabbath concert
Yup. This pretty much sums it up. You had us at “5o-year-old” and “hackey sack,” but the Black Sabbath part was just icing on the cake!
13) Neat contortionist trick to start the workday
Ever slam your finger in your car door and have to turn into a circus act in order to reach your car keys? I think the universe is trying to tell you to call in sick and stay home.
14) Her date torched her fingernail
It’s never a good sign when your date sets fire to your brand new manicure. There’s no mention of which finger got burned, but my money is on her date getting burned by the middle finger before the night was over.
15) Porta Potty gashed him good!
Most people want to get out of the Porta Potty as soon as possible. But, this guy found a way to butt heads with it.
“Follow up: it hurt like hell, bled forever, but didn’t leave a scar thanx to the nice paramedics who wouldn’t stop laughing.”
16) Bumbling couple (of idiots)
Some couples take their vows very seriously when they get married. But, this clumsy couple is well on their way to ensuring that “til death do us part” ends up becoming real!
My guess is that he never chews gum in an airplane to relieve the pressure on his ears. It might be hard to explain to the kids on the flight that he’s really not a scary clown.
“Yeah, it’s a laugh riot. The first time I did it, no one at the ER I went to could get it back in. Had to drive to another hospital 20 miles away where there was a specialist. He gave me a muscle relaxer and clicked it right back in place. Whole thing took 4 or 5 hours.”
18) Was the french fry worth it?
Yep, he confirmed that he did indeed get the french fry. But, then again, the french fry also got him in the end, too!
@Rob Tom:
“I don’t know you, but I respect you.”
@Sarah M Cunningham:
“That makes you a hero my friend.”
19) The sheet snapped back!
Ever feel like you’re playing tug-of-war when you put a too-tight fitted sheet onto your bed? Well, be careful – you might end up with an inexplicable “baseball” injury!
20) Why spaghetti is the most dangerous carb around
This is why you shouldn’t have any carbs in your home. It’s not a diet thing anymore – noodle are now evil for for an entirely different reason!
21) I’ll just keep taking the stairs
Nope, that’s not a platform. I think I’ll just keep tumbling down until I hit rock bottom.
22) He got quite a six-pack workout
Sea turtles everywhere are thanking this guy for pulling apart the plastic rings that they would otherwise choke on. But sadly, he had to suffer the consequences of his eco-conscious actions.
23) Spent the summer with his mouth wired shut
You’re probably wondering how someone gets their head stuck in an elevator. Well, here’s how it all went down.
“I was working in a warehouse elevator was one of those old open face I was hollering at the foreman in the basement through the shaft when I sent the elevator down a little early. Got my head stuck between the door and the top of the elevator. Spent summer with mouth wired shut.”
Wait, you can’t just leave us all hanging! There are so many questions, like, why was the rooster flogging you?
“…my rooster flogged me and I caught my pinky toe on the flower bed while trying to get away and hit the wall.”
25) She flashed a 5th-grader and got away with it
After this poor school counselor tripped and fell, her undies got outed in front a 5th grader! He’ll probably never look at granny panties the same way ever again.
“Lol. I probably traumatized that kid for life!”
26) She grilled her own calf meat
This is why we have eyes on the front of our heads, dear. It helps us see which piece of meat does not belong on the BBQ.
27) Wedding dress from hell
No wonder brides turn into bridezillas after trying on a few dresses! One dislocated knee is enough to make anyone get a little wired about planning their wedding.
28) Must have been a little weenie roast
This guy admitted that it wasn’t even a big roast. But, when a baby roast can kick your butt, it might be time to consider going vegan.
Never laugh really hard at your own jokes. The universe will punish you for that.
30) Oh no, not the bubble wrap!
This was no ordinary bubble wrap. It was heavy duty chipmunk-style bubble wrap!
“It was one of those giant pieces the size of an air mattress for a chipmunk, and I went at it one finger death punch style and put my finger right into a wall.”
31) Giving thanks no more…
Bet this guy wasn’t feeling so thankful after a frozen turkey turned into a 15-pound bowling ball. Of course, the best way to get revenge is to gobble that sucker up!
32) Degenerate Catholic school failure
Remember how tough it was to tell a boy in grade school that you liked them? I geuss in Catholic school it was even worse. Arms and hearts could be broken, just like that!
33) The opposite of unbreakable
This fragile guy is Humpty Dumpty come to life! But, after all he’s been through, it sounds like he deserves to have his own plastic bubble to protect him.
34) Flying jello, circa 1977
Good thing it wasn’t a pudding cup! Or he may have needed more than just a few stitches in his chin.
“Wasn’t the jello that did me in.. twas my lightning-quick reflexes honed on kickball basepaths – dodging potential putout throws – that made me duck so quick. My chin met squarely with the top of a wooden desk chair… the adrenaline from the keen competition made me feel no pain.”
35) Ran from one lesson and straight into another
I vote on the mom lesson being the most painful one to deal with. And if mom doesn’t get to you first, then Karma certainly will!
36) Hubby thought his wife was horsing around
Oh the joys of marriage! It’s full of playful butt cheek pinches, dislocated toes, and your hubby riding you like a horse.
37) Flying puppies be damned
When stuffed animals come flying your way, just let it be. This guy learned the hard way that the blow to his head would have been so much softer if he’d just let the stuffed doggo hit him in the face!
38) But, is the dog okay?
That’s really all anyone wants to know. There’s no telling what injuries the pup suffered after that scary ordeal.
@xPandaInSpace:
“Not to be insensitive to your pain, but how’s the dog?”
39) Broke a tooth playing tennis
Well, I guess that’s one way to get a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Just don’t be upset when she leaves an extra dollar for the next tooth, because she knows you suck at tennis.
40) Tucked in his shirt, tore off a tendon
This should make everyone think twice about rushing out the door first thing in the morning! The risk of tearing off a tendon while hurriedly tucking in your shirt is apparently very real.
Please SHARE this with your friends and family.
The Darwin Awards are posthumously awarded to people who select themselves out of the human gene pool through their own stupid actions.
But, what kind of prize should we give to people who injure themselves in the dumbest way possible, and are still alive to tell the tale?
That’s what @Super 70s Sports on Twitter wanted to know. After asking fans to share the dumbest freak injury of their life, the Twittersphere blew up with hundreds of funny responses!
From the guy whose back went out after reaching for a french fry on the dashboard, to the mom who impaled herself with a Swiss army knife in front of her young son, here are 40 of the craziest freak accidents that will make glad you’re not as clumsy as these people are.
